Jonny Greenwood

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Jonny Greenwood
Biographical information


Physical description



5 foot something

Hair color

Like a beautiful well conditioned waterfall

Eye color

Brown maybe???

Chronological and political information

Jonathan R.G. Greenwood is probably the only one who does anything in Radiohead, although he allows Thom to take all the cred, because he doesn't want the whole "crazy little elf man who is sad and alone" thing pinned on him. During In Rainbows, he apparently wasn't allowed to play guitar but only make small ambient noises.

edit History

In 1971, Johnny Greenwood is born. It was at this point that Tom Yorke, local street rat, decided to steal the infant's "H" straight out of his name. Like 6 years later Jo-Jo Greenpine joins the band and everybody freaks out because he plays 45,000 instruments but is forced to communicate his emotions through the art of harmonica. Thom gets the responsibility of pushing Jonny around in his stroller, which is why he appears in so many interviews with him, also maybe because the interviewer might want to have someone a little less "pretentious" explaining the songs who wasn't prone to "bouts of anger" and "extreme moodiness", or even "larger-than-life-ego-but-i'm-pretending-that-i-hate-myself", a common ailment among 90's frontmen.

edit Where's Waldo


"Androgynous Mind" by Sonic Youth

Jonny is relatively easy to locate onstage. He is the 5 foot 11 man weighing in at a hefty 94 pounds. Yeah, that one, the one your dad thought was a hot girl that one time he went to a Radiohead show in the 90's. He does that thing where he throws his hair out like a curtain and doesn't come out. This behavior is also done in interviews often. He is also easy to find, because he will be the one that is running around the stage, playing instruments with his feet and stuff like that, while Thommo stands up front and screams about Power Rangers. If you do not see him in his usual pile of keyboards, search for a hot flash of bowl cut/shampoo advert flying around the stage.

edit Defense Tactics in Times of War


Jonny looking happy.

In stressful situations, Jonny is known to hide behind his knees or hair, as mentioned before. If he is provoked, he will go into a long monologue about computers or games or programming, packed with "I think"s and "sorry"s. When in attack mode, he will slice through the air like a wild boar with his cheekbones (gifted by the Queen of England herself, because he is a proper and prim English man who is colourblind, not colorblind). The effects are devastating.

edit When Everyone Found Out


Jonny and a weird, strangely large and Tom Yorke-like baby.

When Jonny composed the soundtrack for like 30 movies, Thommy got really flustered and threatened to end Radioweasel if Jonny didn't agree to not speak of his solo efforts at all in interviews. This deal still stands.

edit Aging


Jonny looking even happier.

In 2002, Jonny Greenwood finally gained one year. Fearful of losing the one thing that made them successful, Thom rushed him to a dark arts witch, who offered an anti-aging potion. This is why Jonny is currently still stuck at age 23, but continues to change hair cuts and adidas sambas colors in an attempt to mock aging.

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