Jonny Greenwood

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Jonny Greenwood
Biographical information


Physical description



5 foot something

Hair color

Like a beautiful well conditioned waterfall

Eye color

Brown maybe???

Chronological and political information

Jonathan R.G. Greenwood is probably the only one who does anything in Radiohead, although he allows Thom to take all the cred, because he doesn't want the whole "crazy little elf man who is sad and alone" thing pinned on him. After OK Computer, his guitar was apparently taken away from him.

edit History

In 1971, Johnny Greenwood is born. Like 5 years later he joins radiohead because no one else could play any instruments really but he could. Peopled liked Jonny, Thom Yorke became the face of Radiohead's sad tunes because of his "extreme moodiness" "larger-than-life-ego-but-i'm-pretending-that-i-hate-myself syndrome", a common ailment among 90's frontmen.

edit Where's Waldo


"Androgynous Mind" by Sonic Youth

Jonny is relatively easy to locate onstage. He is the 5 foot 11 man weighing in at a hefty 94 pounds. Yeah, that one, the one your dad thought was a hot girl that one time he went to a Radiohead show in the 90's. He does that thing where he throws his hair out like a curtain and doesn't come out. He is also easy to find, because he will be the one that is running around the stage, playing instruments with his feet and stuff like that, while Thommo stands up front and screams about Power Rangers. If you do not see him in his usual pile of keyboards, search for a hot flash of bowl cut/shampoo advert flying around the stage. Sponsored by L'Oreal.

edit Defense Tactics in Times of War


Jonny looking happy.

When provoked, he will go into a long monologue about computers or games or programming, packed with "I think"s and "sorry"s. When in attack mode, he will slice through the air like a wild boar with his cheekbones (gifted by the Queen of England herself, because he is a proper and prim English man who is colourblind, not colorblind). The effects are devastating.

edit What Does He Do Tho


Jonny and a weird, strangely large and Tom Yorke-like baby.

He plays a lot of guitars with weird effects and steps on bicycle pedals to make them sound funny. He also hits things and they make noise. He writes a lot of stuff. One time he threw a keyboard down the stairs and the song Treefingers was born. He's actually pretty good at what he does. I wanted to make a joke about it, but I couldn't go on living a lie.

When Jonny composed the soundtrack for like 30 movies, Thommy got really flustered and threatened to end Radiobutt if Jonny didn't agree to not speak of his solo efforts at all in interviews. This deal still stands.

edit Aging


Jonny looking even happier.

He doesn't. He just changes the colour of his Adidas Sambas to show that time has passed.

Personal tools