Jon Stewart

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“It's Jon Stewar”
~ Stephen Colbert on Jon Stewart
Jonstewart

DUDE, REPUBLICANS ARE STUPID, AMIRITE?

Jonathan "Jon" Leibowitz Stewart (born November 28, 1962) is a Jewish actor, performer, writer, producer, comedian, banker, and insufferable Hollywood liberal. He is was best-known as the host of The Daily Show from 1999 to 2015, and is considered America's Most Important Jew. He is best friends with comedy traitor Stephen Colbert, who hosts hosted his own Daily Show spinoff titled The Colbert Report.

Career

Stand-up

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Jon Stewart.
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The faux patriot snake handlers at Conservapedia have an even funnier article about Jon Stewart.

Stewart began as an unsuccessful stand-up comedian. Many liberals claimed that his failure in stand-up was due to the fact that his comedy was too clever for poopy-headed conservatives—but really, Jon simply wasn't funny.

The Jonathan Leibowitz Show, Oy Vey!

Nevertheless, his charisma combined with his Jewiness was the perfect combination for producers at MTV. They gave him his own show, The Jonathan Leibowitz Show, Oy Vey!, in an attempt to shed their image as a "moral Christian network". Unfortunately, MTV's plan backfired and the show was soon cancelled.

The Daily Show

Jon Stewart was recruited as a junior intern on Comedy Central's The Daily Show in 1996. When Craig Kilborn was hosting the show, there was no overt, sickeningly divisive and completely unfunny political pandering, the show was actually in its heyday (and actually quite funny) at the time. This all changed in 1999, when Stewart took the hot seat.

With Stewart’s newfound position behind the desk and coffee mug, The Daily Show became little more than a platform for thinly-veiled liberal preaching barely crafted into jokes with inane deliveries. The show is completely carbon neutral: it is powered solely by Jon's massive ego. The show's main focus is "fake news," or how it's known in the United States, "news." The show's writers, in conjunction with Jon and the rest of the show's news correspondents, have been honored with Emmy awards, Peabody awards, and a painfully nagging fanbase of college stoners.

Unfortunately, the show was cancelled in 2015 due to Fox News reporting it to the FCC for "Jewiness and reported Communist ties."

Special appearances

Stewart hosted the Grammys in 2001 and 2002. He also hosted the Oscars in 2006 and 2008, as well as a failed Dinner Party in 2009.

Personal life

Producing, writing, and performing on a daily basis left Jon with a pathetic excuse for a personal life. It's as if someone also circumcised his soul.

In his spare time, Jon enjoys giggling about how dumb Republicans are, reading poetry, tending to his sensitive armpits, and selling prescription drugs to David Letterman.

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