John Zorn presents Famous Great Jews

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The question "Who is the Most Famous Jew?" is one that has been debated since 230 B.C., when Jerry Lewis first challenged Albert Einstein for the title. Over many centuries, the discussion became more heated, until in 1067 it exploded into a full fledged interstellar battle royal, which continued until Borat, seeing the havoc wreaked and wishing to prevent further destruction, asked for a decision to made once and for all. The academy, seeing the wisdom in Borat's words, chose John Zorn to be the decider. These are indisputably the Most Famous Great Jews of all time. It is safe to assume that any one of them can fight Chuck Norris to a draw. Any Jews that did not make the list were eaten by a Grue.

  • (John Zorn has scientifically formulated who qualifies as the most famous Jews using his Amiga. All statistical algorithms, for example: "There is n% chance that I invented the internets", were obtained by The Royal Statistical Society.)

edit Why Zorn?

The wide body of John Zorn is made of a pebbly, stone-like material. He has a large, powerful mouth on top of his head with three long arms, tipped with sharp talons, symmetrically positioned every 120 degrees around him. Between his arms are large, stone-lidded eyes that see in all directions. At his base are three thick, short legs, each directly beneath an eye. His whole body is designed for burrowing, mouth first. These factors were instrumental in his being chosen by the academy to compile the following list of Famous Great Jews.

edit The Gallery

edit Comedians

These Jews are funny. Especially Adorno.

Freud-1
Sigmund Freud
Adorno pic
Theodor Wiesengrund Adorno
Karl marx
Karl Marx

edit Journalists

Sammy Davis writes for the NYTimes. Shatner keeps a log. Sperber was in Mr. Write with Paul Riser and Martin Mull.

SperberWendieJo
Wendie Jo Sperber
Sammy Davis Jr
Sammy Davis Jr.
Kirkwithzorn
William Shatner



edit Biblical Jews

The bible has a reputation for being anti-semitic. But as Noam Chomsky has pointed out, some of the greatest jews in history play a central role in the dead sea scrolls. Larry Fine invented the cheesesteak in Deutoronomy. Andy Kaufman wrote chapter 2. And Phil Spector killed his wife.

FineLarry
Larry Fine
AndyKaufman
Andy Kaufman
Phil spector
Phil Spector


edit Scientologists

Judah Maccabee was a Scientologist. Fonzie jumped the Zemu, or Zenu. Kefka was good friends with Elrond Hubbard, and according to Sam Dood, was the founding father of Rivendell.

Alan dershowitz
Alan Dershowitz
Fonzie
Fonzie
Kafka1
Kefka



edit Stars of Stage & Screen

They're too sexy for the catwalk.

Jesuschrist
Jesus Christ
Margaret-dumont-1
Margaret Dumont
Ent beaarthur pic
Bea Arthur



edit Orthodontists

Orangejuice
Orange Juice
Ryanseacrest
Ryan Seacrest
Jack klugman thinker
Jack Klugman


edit Tackleberry, Goldthwait and Hightower

Charles bubba smith
Bubba Smith
Ruth buzzi1
Ruth Buzzi
Woody Allen
Woody Allen



edit Jews on Mt. Rushmore

Dangerfield
Rodney Dangerfield
Mike Patton
Mike Patton
Saruman
Saruman



edit And John Zorn's Number 1 Famous Great Jew...

Dave Brubeck
Dave Brubeck

Runner up: David Lee Roth

edit See also

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