John Travolta's Hair

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John Travolta without his hair. Not to be confused with that guy from The Shield or Lex Luthor. Or Bruce Willis.

“It's all natural. Our people don't need drugs to get it to look like that.”

~ Tom Cruise on Scientologist Barbers

John Travolta's hair has for a number of years been discussed at great length by the wests greatest scientific minds, what is it and what is its purpose?

[edit] A Brief History

John Travolta's hair was created by the American scientist Robert Oppenheimer and Enrico Fermi as the main goal of the Manhattan Project in 1946 to fight the Nazis.

Along with Johnny Cash, it participated in government shadow operations numbering in the hundreds from the years of 1950 to 1959, before it was caught in a massive arms factory explosion that left it quadrapalegic. Desperate to save the mind of the operative, surgeons attempted to amputate it's limbs and attach it to a willing participant, John Travolta, who has housed the hair since.

Highly disregarded is the period during which John Travolta's hair fought against mankind in the intergalactic battles known collectively as Disco. The hair received numerous commendations, and was eventually rewarded the prestigious Gold Star.

Recently released government files also suggest that John Travolta is, as a result of his hair, a retired sleeper cell agent.

All of John Travolta's fame comes from his hair, and as he has lost some of his hair, his star power has faded. For this reason he joined Scientology so he could be audited on L Ron Blubbards famous Bald Rundown - OT HAIR. The Bald Rundown was so successful that Travolta actually grew his real hair for the part of Terl in Battlefield Earth, thus winning a Academy Award for the best hair in the worst movie ever made.

[edit] His Hair = International sex symbol?

Many argue that Travolta's hair is a phallic sysmbol, purposly mimicing the male genitalia in its upright and sticky posture. Many believe this to be so as it is pointed out that John Travolta has become a world wide sex symbol in the last 30 years, even thought to many he remains an ugly old man with a chin like a letter box that resembles that guy your dad used to hang around who winked at you when you were 13. This is further backed up by the hordes of 'women'that flock to his side, wearing nothing but shrink wrap and skin-tight lycra. This could be in response to his masculine appeal, or simply that they have become trapped in their tight garments and require a lubricant such as used in Travolta's hair, to free them.

[edit] ...Or Radio Signalling device?

Others, on the other hand, believe that John Travolta's hair is a radio signaling device into outer space much like those used in the SETI project. This would explain the height and width of the structure protruding from John's head. If so, this could be some secret attempt to contact aliens and draw them to Earth. Furthermore, some have argued that this radio equipment could be used to 'lull' the opposite sex into some kind of mating posture, drawing them into an alluring and sexually active state of mind, thus brainwashing members of the female persuasion and making them into his unwitting love slaves.