# John Stagliano

For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to John Stagliano.

John Allen "J-Butt" Stagliano (born Alfredo Fettucini; November 29, 1951 in Barnsley), also known as Buttman, is an American entrepreneur, pornographic actor, producer and director, and sponsor of the manufacturing of Swedish cookware.

## editRough Childhood to Undescribable Fame

John Stagliano, the man whom all American boys, growing up in the 80s' and 90s', have to thank for their teenage delights. Stagliano, later known by about 93.4% of the world's inhabitants (including animals) as Buttman (or L'homme du butt, as he is known in French), was born (and raised?) solely by his mother - Buttmother. Together they faced the toughest period of time that the world had ever laid eyes on. Thus beating the exposed people during the Soviet regime, the Palestinian refugees in the middle east crisis and 50Cent (as Marcus in the wonderful 'Get Rich or Die Tryin' movie) with all ends up. Specializing in pornographical studies, Stagliano soon realised that whatever his goal in life might be, he wasn't going to take no for an answer. The same attitude as he would later on discover in the interesting, to say at least, pornographic actor Rocco Siffredi. Struggling to make a living (and to afford his daily fix of pornographic magazines) Stagliano was desperate for a job. Luckily, he found one under the category Porn. On a live stage somewhere desolated, where an audience had gather to witness the Messiah of pornography engage in a holy sexual act, Stagliano was, literally, one shot away from making his dreams come true. After the obvious success of this live massacre, he rightfully got his chance to become deeply involved in the porn industry. He received fan-letters from people and celebrities all over the world. Most known of these was the invitation from the Pope, where it is said, but not confirmed, that the Pope was interested in guest-starring in a potential "Buttman Goes to the Vatican" movie.

## editRelation With the Pope

John Stagliano is, in his close circle of friends, known as many different nicknames. B-Man, Staggy, Staggles, Ivan Staglovich, John the Ripper, Staglianus, J-Stag, Anal Perpentrator, Rectal Rider and Doris Day to mention a few. The Pope, however, insisted on calling him Rectalus Riderus. Something which has outraged Stagliano several times. Last time he was seen in the Vatican it was said that he had furiously stormed out of the Pope's private quarters, flipping his finger to countless Catholic priests. However, "the bigger the fight, the sweeter the reunion" as a lot of people has said throughout history (including Adolf Hitler).

## editConstruction Working and Delusions of Grandeur

J-Stag, had already in 1997, after receiving AIDS from an unknown butt, begun to build his monstrous Buttmobile. The Buttmobile was a complete success and it reached the speed of 1,43 times a "J-Stag ejaculation" ( $1433km/h * 1,43 = OVER-B-SPEED$ ). Since that very day, Buttman has suffered from the disease AIDS' relative - Delusions of Grandeur.

He is noted for his acclaimed pornographic opera, Madame Buttman-fly (aka Buttman Confidential, In Bed With Buttman and Truth or Buttman)

## editFamous Buttman Quotes

• "You call yourself one of my biggest fans, and you still think I'd use THAT hole?"
• "Pornography was an outlaw, but lived in the underground"
• "Dey tryna' catch me ridin' dirty"
• "Catholicism is like the Pope - It's old, wrinkly but it tastes good"
• "She was showing a picture around Jimmy South's office where she was pulling her ass apart and showing her gaping asshole, and I was all, EWWW! Put it away!!!"
• "Did that hurt? GOOD"
• "Ooh, Navy SEALs!"
• "You know, sometimes I think of giving it all up for my first love, accountancy"