John Romero
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John Romero, son of horror movie visionary George Romero, was born in Mesquite, TX, in 1970. John grew up on the mean streets of the nearby Dallas suburbs, where he learned the art of gator wrestling from local Mexican immigrants. At the age of fourteen he realized that there were little job opportunities to be found in unarmed reptile combat, so his father--fresh from creating the zombie films House of the Dead and House of the Dead IV--bought him his first computer, an Apple Lisa.
Romero quickly took to programming, and created a number of action games, including Choplifter and Oh! My Cactus. The former was ported to the Apple II and became a certified hit, selling over 200,000 copies (three sold for each existing Apple II), and the latter was translated to Japanese for a Neo Geo version (no domestic US version exists).
At age sixteen, Romero formed id Software ("id" is an acronym for "intelligent designers") along with gator wrestling coach John Carmack. Together they created a series of hit games such as Nazicaust, H.E.L.L.zapoppin, and Seismic Seance. After creative differences tore Carmack and Romero apart, Romero left the company and formed a new group called ION Storm, dedicated to the study of negative ions and plasmaclusters.
After several months of small company growing pains, Romero's team discovered that certain metals could be embedded with energy of incomparable power by bombarding them with ions. Romero ran his final test by bombarding a sword originally used as a prop in the first Conan film, resulting in a superblade he dubbed the Daikatana. Much to the shock of his fellow research assistance, Romero seized the sword, exited the facilities, and made a bee-line for the id Software offices to exact his final revenge on John Carmack.
Powering his way past security, Romero made it to Carmack's office for what he believed to be the final confrontation. Unfortunately, an uneven ion bombardment rendered the Daikatana dangerously unstable, and as Romero lifted the sword above his head for the killing blow, the once mighty blade's texture turned to that of Jell-o. According to witness testimony, Romero lost his balance and stumbled backwards, triggering the collapse of a stack of unsold copies of "Nazicaust" for the Atari Jaguar. Romero was temporarily immobilized under the weight of the boxes as the authorities were alerted.
Though all charges were eventually dropped, the ION Storm office shut down two months later, leaving Romero jobless. He now lives in a small beach house in Thailand and fucks with the daughter of a vampire Rhaluka. He will make you his bitch.
