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|2009-2010 Jimmy's Academic Crisis|
| COCO Crisp|| Rebel Forces|
| Math Undergrad Office|| Y.S. Chang|
|North Korean name||Yoù Sûçk Chang|
|Habitat||Central Korean Marshland, Fraser River Basin|
|Occupation||Unemployed Maid (Formerly Mafia)|
|Type||S or M|
|Height||5 ft 7 in (1.68 m) (JC claim)|
|Ability||Casting an Upper Bound|
|Annoyance Ability Level||Infinite|
“Wes is gay.”
“Eh? I don't get it.”
“Jimmy is either S or M. I think he should go for S though. ”
“It doesn't matter, he's just a retired housewife. ”
“Down! Down! Jimmy! Down! ”
Jimmy "The Shovel" Chang (born January 1, 1029 B.C.) is a now retired Korean dictator who used to be well known for his ties to the mafia and the King of Thailand. After serving as the CEO of J.C. Incorporated and the Prime Minister of Thailand, Jimmy is currently living in exile in Bolivia feeding off the discarded bodies of once starving children. This is a common practice in certain parts of Latin and Central America, and U.S. President Barack Obama feels that it is ethical and should be federally funded through TARP, because the dead children were no longer starving when they were consumed. This also qualifies for the funding rules under the U.S. stimulus package, as it increases the GDP per capita of the world by reducing human population, hence contributing to the battle against the Great Recession. Already a recipient of a German bailout, his inclusion in TARP will make Jimmy the first ever living Korean to be bailed out by both the European and U.S. governments.
edit Early LifeJimmy "The Shovel" was born as a rake/cooking utensil named Jimmy Chang in Bosnia somewhere in the midst of the 1900s. He was not accepted by his fellow rakes because he happened to also be a spatula. The Bosnian Government held a bake sale to raise money to pay for Little Jimmy's operation to become an actual rake. Unfortunately Jimmy's paper work was misplaced and he became a shovel. His father was so angry that he forced Jimmy to get a job at his salt mining business where he was treated differently than the other workers and was therefore picked on.
edit Upper Level Management
Jimmy was a lot more successful mining salt than his coworkers who were all rakes. He began to work his way up in the business and eventually bought it all and sold it to slave trade companies in Africa. His now unemployed coworkers were so angry that they attempted to bury him. This was Unsuccesful. Jimmy resented his treatment and managed to smash in the heads of each one of his coworkers with a shovel. The Mafia, who had been carefully watching Jimmy for 3 1/2 days, saw this performance and recruited him as their official hitman. Early on, Jimmy's targets were insignificant small folk that no one had heard of, but as his skills were recognized more and more, Jimmy began to get better jobs including Richard Nixon and Calvin Klein. The Mafia in Bosnia were so gleefuly indifferent to his work that they gave him a large oil coated bonus.
edit The Mafia, Pina coladas, and The Peanut Blanching Factory
Jimmy "The Shovel" Chang quickly made a name for himself in The Bosnian Mafia and and also several other Mafias around the world. Before long his ego was so inflated that he opened up a peanut blanching factory in an uncharted island in the Pacific, unfortunately humans were incapable of reaching this island and never had. Still, Jimmy's wealth soared. He drank Pina Colada's with the head of the Bosnian Mafia every day while hiring lower down employees to do his dirty work. Things were looking good For Jimmy "The Shovel" Chang, but he could never have predicted what was in store for him next.
edit Illness: Apathy
But Oddly enough, he did. He had a dream that illustrated the rest of his life for him, but he didn't care, Jimmy was battling the early stages of Apathy. Before long, Lower Level Mafia members overthrew him and Jimmy was left alone, on the streets of Bosnia. Jimmy was starving and actually dead, but he was still alive because he refused to acknowledge it. Jimmy Spent the next seven years of his life in the face of apathy until he saw the image of a legendary Japanese God of Wisdom by the name of "Yalen" when he was standing in line to look at a pair of shoes, who recognized his problem and sent him to Korea to receive therapy (the shoes, not God).
In Korea, Jimmy's group therapist told him something that would change his life for ever, she said "just don't care about what other people think." and little did Jimmy know, it was the first step to recovery. With the help of therapy, Jimmy was able to re-inflate his ego and overthrew the Korean government, becoming dictator.
edit 2009-2010 Academic Credit Crisis
In July 2009, an imminent prospect of a third consecutive credit default failure by J.C. Incorporated (WMCX: JC), which oversees much of Chang's offshore assets, caused bear speculators to take a significant amount of short positions against the company's equity. The crisis intensified when various credit rating agencies simultaneously downgraded the company to a junk bond status, causing further speculations in the stock market and leading to a general downgrading of associated corporations in the industry, including Jamal Leigh Holdings (WMCX: JLH).
On August 26, 2009, Teske, the acting German Federal Chancellor, announced a massive bailout (totalling 1 German Mark, assessed as of May 2010) in order to defend the decline of the Euro, which was instigated by the company's collapse in the financial markets. This came as a surprising news to the investors, and the markets reflected the restored investor confidence on the following Monday's trading.
The stock soared by 26% within one week of the date of announcement, and the company was subsequently re-evaluated to investment grade by September 2009. Although largely unverified, there is ongoing rumour that the bailout funds were never paid back by Jimmy Chang, the sole shareholder of the company. Officials from the Bundestag refuses to comment on the issue. J.C. Incorporated maintains the claim that the downgrade occurred purely due to a speculative nature of "European imperialistic capitalists", and that there was no actual crisis or bailout activities.
The firm experienced a sharp decline of over 10% in May 2010, when Jimmy Chang and other senior executives of the company were accused of unethical behaviour by its external auditors. Subsequently, a crowd of Red-Shirt partisans appeared randomly in the streets of Bangkok, demanding the resignation of Jimmy, at the time an un-honourary Thai Prime Minister. The protest lasted a full week until the army dispersed the crowd by gunning down an unidentified number of protesters was reported to be chanting "Down! Down! Jimmy! Down!", while some other witnesses testify that the chant was actually shouted by a single gunwoman, an ethics professor from Bangkok University. To date, no other casualties of this brutal repression have been reported, although rumours claim that the true number is much higher than one. Jimmy has so far denied any claims of casualties, revoking all testimonials as "propaganda", and that the crowd had gathered to celebrate South Korea's successful performance in the 2010 FIFA World Cup.
Most credit rating agencies have subsequently lowered the stock outlook to negative, citing the current political turmoil for the increase in the uncertainty of the company's future. However, J.C. Incorporated's investment grade rating remained unchanged in May 2010.
Bloomberg reported that the stock was under the pressure of massive shortselling on May 18, 2010. The Short Interest Ratio was reported to be at over 9,000, confirming the market's negative outlook for the stock.
edit Removal from the Mafia Hall of Fame
Many Mafia members felt that Jimmy "the shovel" Chang put shame onto their esteemed organization, due largely to Jimmy's role in the aforementioned academic crisis, and voted him to be removed from the Mafia Hall of Fame. The action went into effect last Tuesday.