Jim Morrison
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“I swear, I saw him the other day. ”
~ Oscar Wilde Jim Morrison
Jim Morrison, often called an American poet, became famous through years of hard drinking, pot smoking, more drinking, and an impressionable young fanbase who think acting like an addict-philosopher-arse with a wang is neato.
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[edit] Biography
James “The WASP” Morrison was born in Gotham City at the End of the Night sometime during The Movie, under the name Bruce Bannor. He was originally a mild mannered tabloid photographer, until he had sex with a radioactive groupie, afterwords whenever he got horny or poetic he turned into the sexually charged monster known these days as Jim Morrison. He was raised by American Indians who taught him how to Light his Fire and summon ghosts with a Ghost Song, Jim shared the common belief of most poets that the American Indian People were Weirdos. His acting Indian mother stayed where she belonged, in her Soul Kitchen and the bedroom.in an early interview morrison claimed he was raped by aliens in broad day light or was it the acid who knows. I don't remember because I was so stoned.
[edit] Career
He spent most of his early life travelling on a Crystal Ship where he was known to use Heroine with his three best friends Whiskey, Mystics and Men, the friends went on to form a band with well known pianist The Unknown Soldier. The band was named “The Wishful Sinful Stoned Group.” Had he been intelligent enough not to have drowned in his own bath (derp!) Jim Morrison would no doubt have gone on to discover the cure for cancer, stopped global warming, written more shit poems and beaten more women.
In 1970 Jim disappeared for a year to take some time off in his Spanish Caravan where he would often cooked Peace Frogs in his Soul Kitchen. Jim’s disappearance caused Strange Days for the family and friends he had left behind, his residence at Love Street was flogged to a Rider of a Storm.
Although he was traditionally a Backdoor Man, in the summer of ’65 Jim became involved with an L.A. Women after he propositioned “Hello, I Love you, Touch My penis on my Bird of Prey.” In turn, she Loved Him Madly, but found the relationship Challenging and on one of the couple’s Moonlit Drives she announced it was The End. Jim Morrison was only Loved Two Times by many. Jim was also a very expirienced hair dresser, often perming his own and other metrosexual's hair. He later turned into a butterfly and flew away with the wasps into the sun set and was never seen again...
[edit] American Poet?
In addition to being a rock singer and lyricist, Jim was a published poet. In order to distinguish the two, he had his poetic works published under his given name, James Douglas "Hark-is-that-a-bottle-of-Beam-before-me" Morrison. His works were given to some acclaim, though detractors were quick to point out that most were "eerily similar" to obscene graffiti written on the men's room of the Whiskey-a-Go-Go.
Collections of his early works include: Dirty Limericks for Dummies, Vol I-III and Two Lords and a New Creature Walk Into a Bar. Following a peroid of 24/7 drunkenness...um I mean, "personal growth," Jim declared his preferred form of dirty limerick "Like, played out, man," and re-dedicated himself to the dirty haiku.
[edit] Phamous Phallus
Morrison was known for his masturbatory antics on stage. The accentuate songs such as "the End" he would time his climax to coincide with the song. Morrison often referred to his genitals as "big Jim and the twins". Doors keyboardist and tribute band wanna-be Ray Manzarek said of Morrison's legendary phallus "You could put an eye out with that thing. It was dangerous to be around". It is rumored that Morrison had an enormous erection at the time of his death that prevented the closing of his casket. This rumor was probably started when tourists at Morrison's grave at Père Lachaise Cemetery noticed a mound of dirt (later discovered to be a gofer mound) at the position of his package. Morrison's actual phallus is in a jar at the Smithsonian Institute in Washington D.C. next to John Dillinger's.
[edit] Death in Paris
It was only a Five to One shot that Jim Morrison would have died, unfortunately he left his bath taps Runnin’ Blue and as a fellow band member appropriately put it “The Music’s Over, show me the way to the next Whiskey Bar.” He was found dead on July 3, 1971 with his rubber duckies in his bathtub. He was discovered by Pamela Courson, whom proceeded to take a steaming monster dook on his chest before calling the authorities.
Contrary to popular belief Morrison is buried in Paris, where he is expected to Break on Through (to the other side) of the soil and go about his business.
His death might also have been the result of drinking enough to fill three of the five Great Lakes. Though a rumor has persisted his heart gave out after masturbating too hard, this probably comes from confusion with John F. Kennedy's method of avoiding assassination.
After his death, his poetry and music were not the only legacy to the world, but left a huge secret behind... A riddle? A puzzle?? A secret beloved one... (A Lebanese Chicka "Mireille Ghosn" AKA The Ashen Lady!)
With the death of Jim Morrison, there have been some Strange Days and one 'Unhappy Girl' who wishes to be placed anonymous.
