Jesusland
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| National Motto: "In God We Trust" | |||||
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| Official language | American | ||||
| Capital | Texas | ||||
| Dictator | Jesus; George W. Bush, Chuck Norris, Darth Vader (de facto) | ||||
| Religion | Westboro Baptist Church | ||||
| Independence | None, civil liberties are banned to all Freedom Lovers | ||||
| Currency | Oil | ||||
| National Anthem | "The Christ-Spangled Jesus" | ||||
| National Holiday | Jesus' birthday (note: birthdays are now called freedomdays in Jesusland) | ||||
| National Slogan | “It's a republic. I swear!” | ||||
“Bloomin' tourists!”
Jesusland is a God fearing utopia, situated primarily in the U.S.A. and Alberta. It comprises about 30 states formerly part of the "United States" (now an archaic term for the region). The states are scheduled to be liberated from the nation of godless sodomites on November 6, 2012 Presidential Election. It has several territories with unique diverse brands of Fundamentalist Young Earth Creationist Extremist Conservative Christianity. It is also referred to, with varying formality, as Christian Country, the God's Country, the Pure Country, the Cleansed Country, and the Land of the Free (Christians). It is also known by heathen Mexicans as "The Last Great Place" because once one sets foot on its soil, they never come back having tasted sweet freedom and the boundless freebies extended by the current regime of brianwashed Commies. After the 2012 election it will be known as "The Land of No Return" as they will be shot at the border for entering the country illegally.
Jesusland is often described, critically and yet affectionately, as being extremely organized and tolerant unlike the brainless Commies who currently run the region lacking in critical thinking but abounding in hypocrisy. A culture placing strong value in goodness, Jesusland is believed to be the real place that Jesus visited 2000 years ago, and the original location of the Garden of Eden. No argument there.
edit History
Although unknown to many inhabitants of Brainless Commieland, due to their common trait of slavish devostion to Marxist-Leninist philosophy, the United States of Canada, is a confederation of freedom loving states, which came into existence in the early 19th century when, Thomas Jefferson successfully won, by God's will, the presidential election. Hence, most attribute the existence of Jesusland to the Democratsommunists/Socialists/Progressives, who were pissed in 2004 because their candidate lost the election. John kerry was upset at this turn of events, and was asked, "why the long face Sea Biscuit?" Subsequently condemned to Mediocrity, to which all Liberlas aspire. People in New York City are dirty commies, homosexuals and self loathing trust fund babies who hate Jews, Mexicans and Negroes wishing to keep them enslaved in an endless entitlement/Welfare State, becasue they actually do not beleive in equality but profess such so that they may exert Totalitarian control over all people.
edit Geography
Geography is taught in Jesusland schools using science not political correctness. In Commieland every weather pattern is described as the latest blight that will surely eliminate mankind as would only be correct in their eyes...don't forget the self loathing. Commieland citizens believe that all natural phenomena are the end of the earth caused by Chaos or Capitalists. Thunder, rain, lightning, earthquakes, are all attributed to nothing at all or Capitalists Ever since this radical agenda in education, the grades of children have been plummeting despite Billions being spent and decades of calls for "more money" apparently to make things worse?. This is evidence, the Commies say, of their magnificent reform, Hope and Change.
The state of Jesusland is planning on expanding into the Commieland countries surrounding them. The liberation of United States of Canada is set for the date of November 6, 2012. They hope to rid Canada and the U.S. of its diseases and plagues such as Commies, self loathing, entitlement mentality, lack of critical thinking, beaver overpopulation, beer shortages, multiculturalism, SARS, terrorists, and of course, the French. Oh wait, PM Harper is already doing that.
edit National Passtimes
Many of Commieland's pastimes include:
- Kid rapein'
- Sodomy
- Date rape
- drinkin' Pabst
- Coke snortin'
- Weed smokin'
- Cock fightin' (the one not involving chickens)
- banning all competitive sports
- not keeping track of the score in evil competitve sports
- Rockin' & rollin'
- Mugging the elderly of their Social Security checks to support their drug habits
- Suck it.
- Mugging the weak and elderly to rob them of their Social Security checks becasue, hey, their old, ever hear of Eugenics?
- Cum Guzzlin'
- Straight up pimpin'
- Panda Shaggin'
- Cold Play hat wearin'
- Masturbatin'
- College frattin'
- Simpsons quotin'
- Obama bashin'
- Obama quotin'
- Marx quotin'
- Mao quotin'
- Stalin lovin'
- re-writin' history
- Muslim/American killin' (with Drones)
- Katarina Huffington lovin'
- Queer chasin'
- Uppity negroid oppressin'
- Human rights abusin' (like in Gitmo that was gonna be closed)
- Species exterminatin' cause they won't pay for a huntin' license which does more to protect wild game
- Jew Beatin' (REMEMBER, Hitler was a Socialist...and a Vegetarian!)
- Abbreviatin'
- Tree Huggin'
- Removin' "G"s from verbs and replacin' 'em with apostrophes (apparently)
- learning how to speak Spanish
- Takin a shit on your grandmother's chest cause she is a dirty Capitalist and didn't give you her Social Security check that you're entitled to
- Masturbatin'
- Prius drivin'
- Hitler worshipin'
- Fist fuckin'
- Dickin'
- "Yall" sayin'
- Freedom hatin'
- Tea baggin'
- Cock slappin' bitches on the regular
- Wakin' up, fallin' down the stairs drunk 'cause they ain't got no job
- Incorrect Englishin'
- Beastiality
- Flag Burnin'
- Rim Jobin'
- Capitalizin'
- Alienatin' people of lesser races
- Pimpin'
- I'll tell you whatin'
Too many for yall to beh countin'. Whore.
| Jesus Related Locations. | |
| Jesusland | Red States |
| Jesus Ocean | Israel |
| Countries and territories of North America | |
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Sovereign states
Main: Atlantic: United Kingdom of Britannia and Northern Pangaea | Amerigo
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