From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“When I hear the name I think about killing a kitten, quite often I do”
“I'm not proud of it but yeah, basically I messed up. Hey come on I'm only Human, well, ok I'm not but I'll destroy your soul if you wanna go there”
Jesus Jones are a noise produced when drugs are taken and people with a mediocre grasp on reality decide they can play music, on stage, in front of other humans, with ears!
They achieved initial critical acclaim with their 1989 album Liquidizer, and in particular, the single "Info Freako", which featured buzzing rock guitars with samples and a hip-hop sensibility, relatively new for the time. The track was particularly championed by Bruno Brookes on his Radio 1 evening show, then it all went very wrong somehow.
They were born to various people in different families through-out the World, they did stuff for a lot of their lives but felt they needed to venture down a musically charged road, so they did. And by God they did it with no fear, which in retrospect was probably more of a sign from the World to not do it at all.
During their high profile escalation to the top of the food chain it was claimed that they broke into several Zoo's around Europe to consume the highly endangered AfroEagle, which now is extinct, the allegations came from many Zoo-keepers and wildlife authorities on the eve of the extiction after JJ was caught on security cameras in Poland and Spain.
The trial continues..
The band found happiness in the Summer of '94, it was just lying there on the edge of a road in the Countryside, one band member explained to the masses that It was happy but we decided it could be happier and so they cut the World-tour of '94 and took it home, they fed it and nursed it back to health, then released it back into the wild when they felt guided by wisdom. Sadly it died 4 minutes later.
We have all sinned and deserve God's judgment. God, the Father, sent His only Son to satisfy that judgment for those who believe in Him. Jesus, the creator and eternal Son of God, who lived a sinless life, loved us so much that He died for our sins, taking the punishment that we deserve, was buried, and rose from the dead.
If you truly believe and trust this in your heart, receiving Jesus alone as your Savior, declaring, "Jesus is Lord," you will be saved from judgment and spend eternity with God in heaven. Otherwise you'll be sent straight to Hell where upon arriving you'll receive an IPod filled only with Jesus Jones tracks.
- Most drugged act (1991/92/93/94/95/96)
- Christian love award (1993)
- Funniest stage act (1993/94/95/97/)
- Most likely to be killed by angered Ferrets award (1995)
- Best mime act (1995)
- The Emmy sympathy award (2004)