Jesus Jones

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to Jesus Jones.

Jesus Jones are an alternative pseudo prog-rock group, though the colloquial use more commonly refers to their trademark sound: a noise produced when drugs are taken and people with a mediocre grasp on reality decide they can play music, on stage, in front of other humans, with ears!

The group's name is often abbreviated to JJ by their fans, though with a recent Giddyall Up poll 40% of the respondents reported that she "disliked the vulgarity" of it.

They achieved initial critical acclaim with their 1989 album Liquidizer, and in particular, the single "Info Freako", which featured buzzing rock guitars with samples and a hip-hop sensibility, relatively new for the time. The track was particularly championed by Bruno Brookes on his Radio 1 evening show, then it all went very wrong somehow.

edit Early Years

They were born to various people in different families through-out the World, they did stuff for a lot of their lives but felt they needed to venture down a musically charged road, so they did. And by God they did it with no fear, which in retrospect was probably more of a sign from the World to not do it at all.

edit Allegations

During their high profile escalation to the top of the food chain it was claimed that they broke into several Zoo's around Europe to consume the once highly endangered and now extinct Afro-eagle, allegations came from many Zoo-keepers and wildlife authorities that JJ were caught on security cameras in Poland and Spain on the eve of the aforementioned extinction.

The case now sits in the queue of the European Union's Court of Ultimate Justice, and is scheduled to begin hearings in 2045.

edit Happiness

The band found happiness in the Summer of '94, it was just lying there on the edge of a road in the Countryside, one band member explained to the masses that It was happy but we decided it could be happier and so they cut the World-tour of '94 and took it home, they fed it and nursed it back to health, then released it back into the wild when they felt guided by wisdom. Sadly it died 4 minutes later.

edit Religious Ties

“I'm not proud of it, but yeah, I messed up. Hey, come on, I'm only Human -- well, okay I'm not, but I'll destroy your soul if you defy me.”
~ God on Jesus Jones

We have all sinned and deserve God's judgment. God, the Father, sent His only Son to satisfy that judgment for those who believe in Him. Jesus, the creator and eternal Son of God, who lived a sinless life, loved us so much that He died for our sins, taking the punishment that we deserve, was buried, and rose from the dead.

If you truly believe and trust this in your heart, receiving Jesus alone as your Savior, declaring, "Jesus is Lord," you will be saved from judgment and spend eternity with God in heaven. Otherwise you'll be sent straight to Hell where upon arriving you'll receive an iPod filled only with Jesus Jones tracks.

edit Awards

  • Most drugged act (1991/92/93/94/95/96)
  • Christian love award (1993)
  • Funniest stage act (1993/94/95/97/)
  • Most likely to be killed by angered Ferrets award (1995)
  • Best mime act (1995)
  • The Emmy sympathy award (2004)

edit External links

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