Jesse McCartney

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“I could really go for piece of beast”
~ Jesse McCartney on Oscar Wilde
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Jesse McCartney.

Jesse McCartney was born on November 14, 1936. He was born in eastern Germany but raised in Austria with his adopted parents Jane and Amber, two albino lesbians. On Jesse's thirteenth birthday, a nuclear explosion consumed the region in which he lived, destroying everything and everyone. Jesse was the only survivor. After grieving the death of his mothers, Jesse got his things together and traveled to South Africa where he met up with Witch Docter Halafa Quizaka. Halafa knocked Jesse out cold and dragged him back to his labrotory. He experimented on Jesse, pouring various herbs and toxins onto his body. As a result of the forced medication, Jesse fell into a deep sleep. He awoke sixty six years later, in 2002. He traveled to America where he became a celebrity, debuting on the Disney Channel. Though Jesse did not stay on the Disney network for long, being accused of propositioning a television producer. In his lifetime he has become one of the biggest icons of our time and the founder of the music genre feminine teen pop.


Jesse McCartney, found in the Back Room after being accused of "propositioning" a Television Producer

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