Jess Mariano

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Jess Mariano.

Mariablo (sometimes formally referred to as Jess Mariano) is one of the three great demons in the Gilmormon faith, along with Daen and Logaphisto. Referred to as the Great Jess by his worshippers, he is the easily greatest of the three demons, though his wars with both were complex and eventful.

edit Origins

Mariablo was born a minor Jess, or a satyrical being responsible for deception through rapid, confusing speech. His skill at his profession lead him to become recognized by the Evil Council that ran his village o' darkness, and he was sent to the valley of Rory; a place that would change his un-life. Rory, a mystical kingdom with a sky in perpetually starry night and populated primarily by coffee elves living in hollow trees; was a place of training for the Jessi. The reason for this was the fast-talking nature of the inhabitants; capable of rivaling that of any Jess-in-training. Mariablo was skilled at the art of the Jessi, and managed to defeat many Rorites in fast-paced Banterbattles, but this incurred the wrath of Lorelai, queen of the Rorites.

edit Mariablo's Battle with Lorelai

Mariablo, full of hubris and certain that he was capable of defeating any Rorite, was unfazed when challenged by Lorelai to a Banterfight, and so the young Jessi was unprepared when it came time for the battle. Using a strange combination of references to obscure music, waves of caffeine, and unbridled wit, Lorelai managed to pwnx0r Mariablo and banish him from the kingdom of Rory.

edit Mariablo's Flight and Return

Mariablo, so discouraged by his scathing defeat at the hands of Lorelai, then gave up his life as a Jess, deciding to find another means to destroy his soon-to-be-numerous rivals. Wandering outside the borders of the Rorites, he encountered the den of Lukedaro of Danes, a mystic skilled at the ancient arts of sarcasm, cynicism, and silence. Mariablo, lacking any other place to go, took up residence with Lukedaro, and was in time trained by him. Preferring Lukedaro's art to that of the Jess, he took the crest of the house of Danes as his own and re-entered Rory.

edit The First Great War

Upon returning to Rory, Mariablo found that Lorelai had been unseated. She now only lived as a puppet of the new king, Daen. A towering giant with a firm grasp over the kingdom, Daen used his demonic powers to control the Rorites. Jess, having only come prepared to deal with Lorelai, was entirely unready to fight an enemy with the brute force of Daen, and seeing as such he was soundly trounced. However, not so inclined to give up as he had been at the hands of Lorelai, he continually challenged Daen until he managed to win over just a few Rorites. Using their caffienated blood as a serum, Mariablo grew more and more powerful, until finally there was a pivotal point in the war. At the battle of Basket Hill, Mariablo definitively defeated Daen with greater resources, and from there he slowly drove Daen from the land. The war finally ended at the danceoff of Marathon, where Mariablo possessed a 16-wheeled truck and ran over Daen with it; banishing him to the land of the Supernatural. Mariablo declared himself supreme ruler of the land, ironically taking the title of Great Jess.

edit Mariablo's Fall

Tragically, Daen's refusal to stay dead and Lorelai's still unfied secret militia managed to create enough unrest that Mariablo couldn't maintain his power for long. Paired with his natural laconic tendencies and inability to keep the levelheadedness characteristic of Lukedaro of Danes, this unrest overthrew Mariablo after only one season, giving him the name the Spring King, which is really much cooler than the Winter King because it rhymes. Mariablo, once again banished from the land of Rory, fell into depression and fled to the distant land of his ancestors, halfway across the world.

edit The Dark Age

Mariablo at this time vanished from the records of Rory, and after his refuge in his ancestral land didn't work out so well due to insufficient funding, he vanished from all records at all. The kingdom of Rory in his absence grew poorer and its pools of wit all but dried up. Daen reclaimed power for a short time, but was exiled by Logaphisto and never appeared again outside the realm of the supernatural.

edit The Second Great War

When Mariablo turned up next in the Kingdom of Rory, he came from the land of Truncheon. One of the princes of this realm, he came to Rory as a visitor; but was quickly sucked up into a brief war with the king, Logaphisto. A less physically strong but far craftier adversary than Daen, Logaphisto used his home-turf advantage to definitively defeat Mariablo and send him back to Truncheon, though the unrest this visit caused to this day has not ceased to plague Logaphisto's control over Rory. The followers of Mariablo predict that due to this unrest; the Great Jess will eventually return and reclaim the land of Rory for all eternity.


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