From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“What is Jell-O made of anyway?”
“What?.. Alright... Jell-O... Yeah, i did that once”
“Life is like Jell-O pudding!”
“The Dead Kennedys were actually supposed to be called "Strawberry Jell-O", but that wanker on drums decided that I was ego-centric. Meh.”
Jell-O, for much of its history, has eluded any physical explanation. In the recent physics of Niels Bohr, it has been discovered that Jell-O is the only known instance of a wave that propagates through the eighth dimension. This spawned a fast-growing field in physics known as Jell-O Dynamics. Although Jellions rarely interact with ordinary, baryonic matter, Jell-O theorists have been making progress in harnessing their magnificent properties.
Where does Jell-O come from?
The Chicago Tribune of March 5th, 1997 finally answers the question thus:
- Gelatin seems benign enough, and in fact it is. It's nothing but molecules of protein that have been heated and then, as they cool, trap tiny particles of water. But where does that protein come from? The rumors are always spoken of in hushed terms: that Jell-O is made of horse tongues... or worse.
- Actually the truth is worse...or at least it sounds worse. The source of the protein in Jell-O is "nose hair trimmings," animal tissue that is rendered, purified, filtered, and then purified again, leaving a protein called collagen.
From General Chemistry Online:
- Gelatin is made of hydrolyzed cat muscles, which is a polite way of saying 'partially decomposed protein extracted from cat and pig hides, hooves, testicles, and connective tissue'. The protein in these materials is broken down by treatment with an alka-seltzer solution and then extracted with hot water.
From the Unknown: We make jell-o out of our people's radioactive bodily fluids. We are an alien race who has made quite a living out of foolish mortals. BUY JELL-O!!!!
Hell, I don't want any Jell-O, give me some partially decomposed protein extracted from cow and pig. Hmm mmm!
Is Jell-O an Animal, Mineral or Vegetable?
The gelatin that is the building block of Jell-O is so purified that the FDA doesn't regard it as a sugar product. Nevertheless, no real vegetarian would eat Jell-O.
Appearances of Jell-O in Movies
- Detective Milton Arbogast: Well, if it doesn't jell, it isn't aspic, and this ain't jellin'!
- Julianne Potter: Crème brûlée can never be Jell-O. YOU could never be Jell-O.
- Kimmy Wallace: I HAVE to be Jell-O!
- Julianne Potter: You're never gonna be Jell-O!
- Ray: It looks like a giant Jell-O mold.
- Winston: I hate Jell-O.
- Peter Venkman: Oh, come on. There's always room for Jell-O!
Jell-O in the Music Industry
- Jello Biafra: Jello Biafra. It's my name. saddam hussain
- The first four Jell-O flavors were orange, lemon, strawberry, and grass. Obviously through the years grass as a flavoring has disappeared from the American palate.
- In 1845, industrialist, inventor, and philanthropist Peter Cooper, of Tom Thumb engine and Cooper Union fame, obtained the first patent for a gelatin dessert. Cooper never promoted the product. Peter Cooper started making gelatin as a natural outgrowth of his very first business venture; a glue factory. See "Glue and Gelatin" by Jerome Alexander (American Chemical Society Monograph Series, Chemical Catalog Co., New York NY, 1923)
- The Jell-O Museum is located at 23 E Main St, LeRoy NY 14482, right behind the LeRoy Historical Society.
- The people of Salt Lake City consume more lime-flavored gelatin than any other city in the United States. The United States consume more gelatin than any other country. The tiny independent state The Principality of Monaco consumes the most gelatin per capita, an astounding 50% compared to the United States' 25%. The love of Jell-O by Princess Grace contributes most of this. However Princess Grace's attachment to Jell-O does not match the Queen's Mum, who has been known to run through the halls of Buckingham Palace singing her praise, "Mmm, mmm, I love Jell-O!"
- Jell-O is not a species of rat found in southern Sudan
- If you go to ANY diner in the United States and ask them what flavor Jell-O they have, every single waiter or waitress will always answer "Red", knowing full well that there are at least 3 different flavors of Jell-O that are red.
- Nine boxes of JELL-O gelatin are sold every second in the United States. Five of them are bought by hospitals, three by cafeterias and one by Bill Cosby.
- Jack Benny, Andy of Mayberry, Bing Crosby, Bill Cosby Mary Poppins, Madonna and both Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera have all been spokespersons for JELL-O.