Jean-Marie Le Pen

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Le Pen having a dump.

“Immigrants are like racism: they should not exist.”
~ Jean-Marie Le Pen on racism

Jean-Marie Le Pen (b. 1900, d. 2001) was an extremely successful French entrepreneur. He is perhaps best known for founding the global hyperbank, Front National; he also posthumously invented the pen.

edit Life and early success

Le Pen had an extremely active mind. Even before he was born, he's invented clouds and sold so much sand to a-rab princes that arabia became a desert in 1989. His first book, titled Yes, I believe in the inequality of the races, details how he managed to trick a-rabs with plenty of sand castles into buying more sand. A week before he was conceived, he founded the FN bank (known internationally as National Front), and during pregnancy he acquired several hospitals in hostile takeovers. As he was being born, the patent came through for clouds, which he had spent much of his pre-life designing.

edit Accusations of discrimination

To work in any company owned by Le Pen, one must not have a foreign sounding name, must be French, must be white, must smell, must not be gay or lesbian, must not have AIDS, and MUST be a heavy smoker and drinker of wine. Camel cigarettes and cheap French wine are supplied in lieu of payment to his employees.

When some reporters went to his estate to question him on his discriminatory practices, his gendarmerie hushed them away whilst he put his finger over his lip (like a moustache) and gave them a German salute.

edit 2002 French Presidential Election

Le Pen posthumously tried to acquire the 2002 French Presidential Election. This move was very unpopular with the french, who wanted to emasculate the election for themselves. He managed to buy almost 20.0% of the election and would have been fully able to buy more if the public hadn't have bought out the remaining shares. Instead, he sold his shares in the election at a profit and monopolised the bottled water industry along with the French and Canadian governments.

edit Later developments

Le Pen dutifully stood again for Front National in 2007 and 2012. In 2015 he first discovered he was no longer a member of the party when his credit cards were stolen from by his daughter Marine.

For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Jean-Marie Le Pen.
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