Jat people

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“JAT - Just Avoid Them”
~ Oscar Wilde on Jats
Jats
Significant populations in: Northern India, West Northern India (a li'l left and down -- yup u got it!),
Language Punjabi and its dialects, Pakistani, Telepathy, Bunty and Babli, "No sindhi, No gujrati, sirf Jatki"
Religion Animism, Hinduism, Crazy Wild Dancing Muslimism (i.e. Sufi),Revert Revert Forced Muslimism,Hang It Allism, Thus Sikhism, Now Peaceism
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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Jat people.

The Jat people (Hindi: जाट Jāṭ, Punjabi: ਜੱਟ Jaṭṭ) are historically an Aryan-Scythian ethnic group native to the Balochistan, Haryana, Himachal Pradesh, Kashmir, Punjab, Jammu, Uttrakhand, Uttar Pradesh and Rajasthan areas.

The Jats are Aryans and, like all Aryans, originated in India. About 8 million Jats live in the Indian state of Haryana. Jat, pronounced (...er, this is tough...), "Jut" in Bollywood, "Jaat" in Haryana, "Whaat?" in Bihar, "Sikh" or "Humble follower" in Punjab, "Brigadier/colonel/lieutenant/armywala" in Pakistan, "Yahya Khan" in Bangladesh (they realized later on that he was actually Pashtun but it didn't make a difference), "Pakistani" in Abaad Kashmir, "Indian" in Barbaad Kashmir, "Gadha" in Jataka tales, and "Crazy foreigner" everywhere else, is a word with a complex etymology but entirely obvious meanings.

They are an extremely humble, docile, group of people, known for their intellectual prowess and quiet nature. However, despite this, every great person who has ever lived has turned out to be a Jat. Unbelievable as such a claim as this seems, you only need to ask any Jat, or read any book written by a Jat to see that this is true.

Whilst their origin is disputed by many "reputable" sources such as western scholars and modern factual evidence, they are actually descended from a race of super-powerful, warlike demi-gods who destroyed anything that crossed their path without even breaking a sweat, and who could travel through time and divide by zero, and who created the universe itself. Again, read any book written by a Jat to see that these claims are indeed, true.

edit Identity crisis

Jat

Photo of proud Jat Maharajah, Soorajmal
Notice white handlebar moustache resting on face.

B. S. Kaiyan, Professor Emeritus of Jatology, University of Khalsa, Amritsar, has done invaluable research on the origins of Jats. He has authored the seminal book Jat History Undiscovered! Boo! that traces our common ancestry and shows we have been repeatedly marginalized and ignored in the history textbooks of India despite our valuable contributions to the Independence Movement of India.

This book avenges the insult and proves that the Jat tool is bigger than anybody’s (except the Abominable Snowman’s). It is therefore encouraged that every Jat (that means you!! If you are Jat) buy this book. This will help spread Jat brotherhood among the scores of Jats scattered throughout the universe while helping overcome your low self esteem, building your own unique identity, coz a jat spit roasted your pride, rescuing you from the brink of starvation and imminent madness. This book is available only through mail on UnAmazon.com

By the way, being Jat myself, I deeply respect Professor Kaiyan’s revered work for the Jat peoples. Also, in case people are mistaking that I am using clever alias for self-promotion here, let me clarify that some peoples have wild imagination and they need help. I am NOT Prof. B S Kaiyan. I am his humble disciple, lowly servant and I am not even deserving of being Professor Kaiyan’s shoe.

edit References in Epics & other ethnic Group

edit Jat in the Mahabharata

In his book, professor Kaiyan has ably demonstrated that Lord Krishna was a Jat by showing that Jat is also synonymous for the agriculture farmer or ’’krishi’’ word in Sanskrit. Another word for “able” is “guna” in Sanskrit. By applying principle of sandhi (declension) of Sanskrit, we are getting, “Krishi + Guna = Krishna,” or mostest ablest farmer, which, everyone knows can only be Jat, even in ancient times like the Mahabharata.

Using likewise archaeolinguistics Professor B. S. Kaiyan has reckoned that the Pandavas were also Jats. The Kauravas too were Jats, albeit a sub-clan of Jats that has died, but Jats nevertheless. Bheeshma, owing to it’s linguistic proximity with Bishen (a popular Jat clan like Bishen Singh Bedi) and Yudhishtra, owing to it’s shared linguistic etymology with Yuvraj (another popular jat clan –example, Yuvraj Singh), were also Jats. Arjuna, owing to his shared linguistic with Arjun (a popular Jat clan like Arjun Singh) was also Jat. Draupadi, the beauteous wondrous damseuse of Mahabharata -- ahhh! -- she was the also Jat because she was married to another Jat, the Arjuna.

In fact the correlations are startling and Professor Kaiyan has shown that altogether there are 66,780 Jat figures in the Mahabharata, including a 101 figures who are Jats but who do not appear in the Mahabharata because the Mahabharataats has only 66,679 total characters, altogether representing some 550 Jat clans of which roughly 549 are still extant today in the sub continent. The author of Mahabharata, Maharishi Vyasa, was also a Jat.

Rajput clans that ruled from remote hill-top fortresses in Rajasthan surrounded by crocodile moats and being debauched because Muslims could not access their higher hilly vantage points (it is easier to spit down than spit up) were also Jats.

edit Munda and Jat

Munda is also a Jat sub clan. It is only because Mundas are constantly abused peoples everywhere and/or/is suffering from very low self esteem that they are behaving this way by disowning their mother tribe. Prof Kaiyan in his book subdivides 10 sun-deceding clan of Jat people, in which Mundas are the 9.9thth sub division.

The social historical theory explains the creation of the Varnas, Jats and of the untouchables. According to this theory, the caste system began with the arrival of the Aryans in India. The Aryans arrived in India around 1500 BC. The fair skinned Aryans arrived in India from south Europe and north Asia. Before the Aryans there were other communities in India of other origins. Among them Negrito, Mongoloid, Austroloid and Dravidian. The Negrito have physical features similar to people of Africa. The Mongoloid have Chinese features. The Austroloids have features similar the aboriginals of Australia. The Dravidians originate from the Mediterranean and they were the largest community in India. When the Aryans arrived in India their main contact was with the Dravidians and the Austroloids. The Aryans disregarded the local cultures. They began conquering and taking control over regions in north India and at the same time pushed the local people southwards or towards the jungles and mountains in north India.

The Aryans organized among themselves in three groups. The first group was of the warriors and they were called Rajayana, later they changed their name Rajayana to Kshatria. The second group was of the priests and they were called Brahmans. These two groups struggled politically for leadership among the Aryans. In this struggle the Brahmans got to be the leaders of the Aryan society. The third group was of the farmers and craftsmen and they were called Vaisia. The Aryans who conquered and took control over parts of north India subdued the locals and made them their servants. In this process the Vaisias who were the farmers and the craftsmen became the landlords and the businessmen of the society and the locals became the peasants and the craftsmen of the society.

In order to secure their status the Aryans resolved some social and religious rules which, allowed only them to be the priests, warriors and the businesmen of the society. For example take Maharashtra. Maharashtra is in west India. This region is known by this name for hundreds of years. Many think that the meaning of the name Maharashtra is in its name, Great Land. But there are some who claim that the name, Maharashtra, is derived from the Jat called Mahar who are considered to be the original people of this region. In the caste hierarchy the dark skinned Mahars were outcasts. The skin color was an important factor in the caste system. The meaning of the word "Varna" is not class or status but skin color.

Between the outcasts and the three Aryan Varnas there is the Sudra Varna who are the simple workers of the society. The Sudras consisted of two communities. One community was of the locals who were subdued by the Aryans and the other were the descendants of Aryans with locals. In Hindu religious stories there are many wars between the good Aryans and the dark skinned demons and devils. The different Gods also have dark skinned slaves. There are stories of demon women trying to seduce good Aryan men in deceptive ways. There were also marriages between Aryan heroes and demon women. Many believe that these incidences really occurred in which, the gods and the positive heroes were people of Aryan origin. And the demons, the devils and the dark skinned slaves were in fact the original residence of India whom the Aryans coined as monsters, devil, demons and slaves.

As in most of the societies of the world, so in India, the son inherited his father's profession. And so in India there developed families, who professed the same family profession for generation in which, the son continued his father's profession. Later on as these families became larger, they were seen as communities or as they are called in Indian languages, Jat. Different families who professed the same profession developed social relations between them and organized as a common community, meaning Jat.

Later on the Aryans who created the caste system, added to their system non-Aryans. Different Jats who professed different professions were integrated in different Varnas according to their profession. Other foreign invaders of ancient India - Greeks, Huns, Scythains and others - who conquered parts of India and created kingdoms were integrated in the Kshatria Varna (warrior castes). But probably the Aryan policy was not to integrate original Indian communities within them and therefore many aristocratic and warrior communities that were in India before the Aryans did not get the Kshatria status.

Most of the communities that were in India before the arrival of the Aryans were integrated in the Sudra Varna or were made outcast depending on the professions of these communities. Communities who professed non-polluting jobs were integrated in Sudra Varna. And communities who professed polluting professions were made outcasts. The Brahmans are very strict about cleanliness. In the past people believed that diseases can also spread also through air and not only through physical touch. Perhaps because of this reason the untouchables were not only disallowed to touch the high caste communities but they also had to stand at a certain distance from the high castes.

edit Jat struggle for a Nation

After seeing India and Pakistan become Independent, the Jat peoples felt bad. They realized they weres the peoples abused everywhere and/or/is suffering from low self esteem and dicked by the British, especially their Vice Roy Mountbatten (he was part Bengali. Bengalis hate Jats), who had nothing better to do than enlist Jat men in their East India Company's army.

When East Pakistan -- also called Bangladesh now -- seceded, the Jat peoples felt worse. Finally when Sri Lanka and Nepal seceded in quick succession, the Jat peoples felt utterly, utterly cheated and could take no more. Thus began the suffrage of the Jat Peoples, owed to the leader of the struggle, Sardar Happy Singh. The Jat peoples also wanted to secede from itself so that they could have their homeland, identity, language, food, music (and quite willingly were they being screwed may good professor B S Kaiyan add who’s life's motto is to stick to the truth, no matters how brutal or sticky truths maybe and expose all).

A long infructous internecine war broke out in India and Pakistan after this, most of which was in the minds, quite like Jat kings defeated Rajput kings only in the Jat minds. Finally the peoples of the worlds gave Jats independence and the Jat homeland was created in 2001 in the minds. But there was a slight problem. Jat peoples did not know how to access their homeland. Ultimately, the King of Serbia offered help by way of running a perpetual a one-way bus service called Jat Airways to access this homeland for the Jat peoples. Non Jats are not allowed on this bus because Serbia Govt. has declared that if a busload of Jats has even one non-Jat passenger in it, it might asplode.

edit Jat Culture

edit Men

Jats are one the most ethical and righteous people on earth. And when it comes to women their generosity and chivalry is world renowned. Jats never beat up any women except for those from their own household. If any such a need arises, and it arises quite often, they organize a panchayat to sit over it. The Panchayat decides the penalty for the soon to be charred individual. The Panchayats do a commendable job and are very lenient towards charred remains of the culprits (esp as they were once women).

A Jat never does any wrong with anybody. Throughout one zillion year old history of Jats, no Jat has ever told a lie or wronged anybody. In fact IPC (Indian Penal Code) as opposed to IPL, states that any evidence given by Jat men in the court of law is to be admitted unequivocally as incriminating evidence incognito without any consideration or delay. It is a well known fact that Harish Chandra, was a well known Jat, so this is not at all something to be surprised at.

In Jats, apart from the usual ducts of pleasure, AIDS also spreads via any activity that involves using brains. Though much remains unclear, scientists claim that this can be explained by presence of cavity-less holes (a very distinct feature of Jats), where other homo-sapiens seem to have brains. These ducts allow for free transmission of sexually transmitted diseases STD. That also explains why Jats are so reluctant to use their brains or whatever semblance of brains they have.

edit Enemies

Gillette has a feud with jatts as they cannot develop a razor sharp enough to get rid of their hairy bellies and back. Just look at the weird dude with the mustache.

edit See also

Taj-mahal
A nation united by virtually nothing, please
States: East BengalKashmirKeralaMaharashtraMizoramNepalUttar PradeshTibetTulu Nadu
Cities: BangaloreChandigarhPune
Religions: BuddhismHinduismJainismTantraZoroastrianism
Funny guys: Amitabh BachchanBobby DeolBarkha DuttMohandas GandhiNathuram GodseGuru Maharaj JiRudyard KiplingDaler MehndiNarendra ModiManmohan SinghRabindranath TagoreMother Teresa
A zoo-full of deities: AllahGaneshaHanumanKali
A menagerie of Bhagavad-gita articles: Bhagavad-gitaBhagavad Gitaà la Rushdie
Languages: EngrishHindiSanskritTelugu
Other stuffs: BJPBollywoodBorder Gavaskar TrophyBrahminCIPETCurryFootballGangesHoliIndian hippiesIndian Institutes of TechnologyIyersJatKamasutraMangoRamayanaRockRupeesTaj MahalThe TimesTurbanUrumiVJTI

edit Notes

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