Jat
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 Warning! Thank you. |
“No If, no But-t, only JAT!!!”
~ A Jat on Jats
“JAT - Just Avoid Them”
~ Oscar Wilde on Jats
“Orrr, CHAKE DE PHATTE!!!”
~ Jat on Jats
“Ek peg laa laiii...”
~ Jat on the meaning of life
“¿¿”
~ Santa Banta on Jat
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| Significant populations in: | Northern India, West Northern India (a li'l left and down -- yup u got it!), | |
| Language | Punjabi and its dialects, Pakistani, Telepathy, Bunty and Babli | |
| Religion | Animism, Hinduism, Forced Muslimism, Revert Forced Muslimism,Revert Revert Forced Muslimism,Hang It Allism, Thus Sikhism, Now Peaceism | |
The Jats are Aryans and like all Aryans originated in india. About 8 million Jats live in the Indian state of Haryana. Jat, pronounced (...er, this is tough...), "Jut" in Bollywood, "Jaat" in Haryana, "Jhaant" in Bihar, "Sikh" or "Humble follower" in Punjab, "Brigadier/colonel/lieutenant/armywala" in Pakistan, "Yahya Khan" in Bangladesh (they realized later on that he was actually Pashtun but it didn't make a difference), "Pakistani" in Abaad Kashmir, "Indian" in Barbaad Kashmir, "Gadha" in Jataka tales, and "Crazy foreigner" everywhere else, is a word with a complex etymology but entirely obvious meanings.
They are an extremely humble, docile, group of people, known for their intellectual prowess and quiet nature. However, despite this, every great person who has ever lived has turned out to be a Jat. Unbelievable as such a claim as this seems, you only need to ask any Jat, or read any book written by a Jat to see that this is true.
Some famous Jats include Alexander the Great, William the Conqueror, Genghis Khan, Charlemagne, Shakespeare, Einstein, anyone whose ever been in a fight and won, Napoleon, Superman, Ramesses II, Optimus Prime, Ozymandias, King Arthur, Yoda, and Morpheus, amongst others.
Whilst their origin is disputed by many "reputable" sources such as western scholars and modern factual evidence, they are actually descended from a race of super-powerful, warlike demi-gods who destroyed anything that crossed their path without even breaking a sweat, and who could travel through time and divide by zero, and who created the universe itself. Again, read any book written by a Jat that makes these claims in order to see that they are true.
Contents |
[edit] Background
[edit] Jat Identity and it’s crisis
Notice white handlebar moustache resting on face.
B. S. Kaiyan, Professor Emeritus of Jatology, University of Khalsa, Amritsar, has done invaluable research on the origins of Jats. He has authored the seminal book Jat History Undiscovered! Boo! that traces our common ancestry and shows we have been repeatedly marginalized and ignored in the history textbooks of India despite our valuable contributions to the Independence Movement and resistance to forced Islamicastration of India.
This book avenges the insult and proves that the Jat tool is bigger than anybody’s (except the Abominable Snowman’s). Because we the Jat peoples is abused everywhere and/or/is suffering from low self esteem, it is encouraged that every Jat (that means you!! If you are Jat) buy this book. This will help spread Jat brotherhood among the scores of Jats scattered through the universe while helping overcome our low self esteem, building our own unique identity, wallowing in its pride and rescuing me from the brink of starvation and imminent madness. This book is available only through mail order system because I am the sole distributor of this book. You can contact me at bsKaiyan@email.com.
By the way, being Jat myself, I deeply respect Professor Kaiyan’s revered work for the Jat peoples. Also, in case people are mistaking that I am using clever alias for self-promotion here, let me clarify that some peoples have wild imagination and they need help. I am NOT Prof. B S Kaiyan. I am his humble disciple, lowly servant and I am not even deserving of being Professor Kaiyan’s shoe.
[edit] References in Epics & other ethnic Group
[edit] Jat in the Mahabharata
In his book, professor Kaiyan has ably demonstrated that Lord Krishna was a Jat by showing that Jat is also synonymous for the agriculture farmer or ‘’krishi’’ word in Sanskrit. Another word for “able” is “guna” in Sanskrit. By applying principle of sandhi (declension) of Sanskrit, we are getting, “Krishi + Guna = Krishna,” or mostest ablest farmer, which, everyone knows can only be Jat, even in ancient times like the Mahabharata.
Using likewise archaeolinguistics Professor B. S. Kaiyan has reckoned that the Pandavas were also Jats. The Kauravas too were Jats, albeit a sub-clan of Jats that has died, but Jats nevertheless. Bheeshma, owing to it’s linguistic proximity with Bishen (a popular Jat clan like Bishen Singh Bedi) and Yudhishtra, owing to it’s shared linguistic etymology with Yuvraj (another popular jat clan – example, Yuvraj Singh), were also Jats. Arjuna, owing to his shared linguistic with Arjun (a popular Jat clan like Arjun Singh) was also Jat. Draupadi, the beauteous wondrous damseuse of Mahabharata -- ahhh! -- she was the also Jat because she was married to another Jat, the Arjuna.
In fact the correlations are startling and Professor Kaiyan has shown that altogether there are 66,780 Jat figures in the Mahabharata, including a 101 figures who are Jats but who do not appear in the Mahabharata because the Mahabharata has only 66,679 total characters, altogether representing some 550 Jat clans of which roughly 549 are still extant today in the sub continent. The author of Mahabharata, Maharishi Vyasa, was also a Jat.
Rajput clans that ruled from remote hill-top fortresses in Rajasthan surrounded by crocodile moats and being debauched because Muslims could not access their higher hilly vantage points (it is easier to spit down than spit up) were also Jats.
[edit] Rajput and Jat
Though Rajput deny they are Jats, Jats never deny this. It is only because Rajputs are constantly abused peoples everywhere and/or/is suffering from very low self esteem that they are behaving this way by disowning their mother tribe. It is a well known fact that no Rajput fief or king ever beat a one eyed Jat -- never mind a Jat king -- in history. It remains true even today. This proves that Rajput is Jat for he cannot fight the peoples he has come out from. Prof. B. S. Kaiyan explores this fascinating denial of the Rajput in his book which you can purchase (which you must if you are Jat) by sending me email at bsKaiyan@email.com. All the Rajput miniature paintings, palaces, and lores of glory are the creation of Jat peoples. Prithviraj Chauhan was a famous Jat king. People who feed disinformation by spreading Prithviraj Chauhan was not Jat are all Chamars.
" Rajput deny that they are jat but jat say that he is rajput..what does it means. Rajput were nonexistent before 5th or 6th century or so(AD) but as you say Mahabharata was fought by Jats not by Rajputs. On the other hand you donot accept chamars as part of jats probably because they are poors but you probably have not met many chamars who probably may have even very low opinion about jats and others and may not like to be associated with others. All castes are unique and know their real worth. Upper castes probably do not know that lower castes are very sensitive and touchy upon issues concernong modesty and honour of their woman. Unlike in upper castes, Characterless members among lower castes, if any, find it very difficult to establish relationship with other caste fellows. Due to inbuilt standards, preferences and distinct moral and ethical codes, many from lower castes may find it inconvenient to adjust in a berth in jat, rajput or upper caste airways, roadways or railways. 'Bharte koo bharr aur khalli ko dhorre dharr'.
But to be frank it seems that major jat stuff is made of localware with few outsider allergines. Quite possible as this part of land was persistently visited and revisited as a path/way to rest of India. Even than they withstood the strong streams and didnot swept away along with winds. India is probably capable of producing all ikinds of colours and facial designs. At higher altitude one can find faces whiter and fairer than even the most white continents. So everything seems to be Indian, chitt bhee Indian and Patt bhee Indian, India that extends from Celon to Iran, have all similarity through out.'....jackins..
[edit] Munda and Jat
Munda is also a Jat sub clan. It is only because Mundas are constantly abused peoples everywhere (especially by Rajputs) and/or/is suffering from very low self esteem that they are behaving this way by disowning their mother tribe. Prof Kaiyan in his book subdivides 999,9999.99 clans of Jat people, in which Mundas are the 89,9999.06th sub division.
That Mundas are Jats is a very well known fact and it is fully supported by the modern archaeology studies: the results of the dental structure and bone examinations of the two peoples’ rectum showing startling similarity is there in Prof Kaiyan’s book (available at…I think you know how to get this book by now?
Anyway, no harm in repeating it: if you want to buy this book – you want to, don’t you? Don’t be in denial! YOU can stop feeling constantly buggered peoples everywhere and/or/is suffering from very low self esteem if you!! wants - contact me at bsKaiyan@email.com for your own, personal, hardbound copy).
[edit] Genetics
Mountain Dew Nuclear Asplosion (MtDNA) and Your Chromosome (Y Chromosome) samples of all the various ethnicities of the Indian Sub Continent were taken and compared with the sample statistical median of the MtDna and Y Chromosome of the average Indian in a joint study spread over five years (-5 AD to 0 AD) and it was found that they were all identical to the MtDna and Y Chromosome of Jats.
This result stunned the world, especially the non-Jats. This collaborative effort of Nat Geo, Discovery and Jat TV was a watershed study that fully supported all the findings of prof. B. S. Kaiyan and vindicated his stand. The details of this study also can be found in Prof. B. S. Kaiyan’s book (you can get this book by emailing me at bsKaiyan@email.com).
[edit] Sub Continent's Armed Forces and Jat
The Jats are full of military. The highest Hindu officials created a new race called sickism to make India seem strong and actually a threat to the big British bullies.
Later ofcourse during the msn age, they changed the word sickism, referring to how awesome this new violent race to India, and they called it Sikhism. 4 in every 5 people of the Indian arm are Sikh. this is partiality in martiality because Indians are so cheap they don't want to pay for soldiers' helmets. Hence, they take all and only Sikhs, who come with built-in helmets.
Sikhs are known efficient and authoritative in the Indian military. This is vastly because Sikhs were not permitted to legally work anywhere else in India.
[edit] Jat struggle for a Nation
After seeing India and Pakistan become Independent, the Jat peoples felt bad. They realized they weres the peoples abused everywhere and/or/is suffering from low self esteem and dicked by the British, especially their Vice Roy Mountbaton (he was part Bengali. Bengalis hate Jats), who had nothing better to do than enlist Jat men in their East India Company's army and screw Jat womans. And worse still, even shamelessly carry some womans back to the England (to be the naukar probably or part time mistress).
When East Pakistan -- also called Bangladesh now -- seceded, the Jat peoples felt worse. Finally when Sri Lanka and Nepal seceded in quick succession, the Jat peoples felt utterly, utterly cheated and could take no more. Thus began the suffrage of the Jat Peoples, owed to the leader of the struggle, Sardar Happy Singh. The Jat peoples now also wanted to secede from itself so that they could have their homeland, identity, language, food, music and own womans who everybody was screwing in sub continent (and quite willingly were they being screwed may good professor B S Kaiyan add who’s life's motto is to stick to the truth, no matters how brutal or sticky truths maybe and expose all).
A long infructous internecine war broke out in India and Pakistan after this, most of which was in the minds, quite like Jat kings defeated Rajput kings only in the Jat minds. Finally the peoples of the worlds gave Jats independence and the Jat homeland was created in 2001 in the minds. Jatland.com was thus born. At last Happy Singh could live together with Puppy Singh and Overjoyed Singh. But there was a slight problem. Jat peoples did not know how to access their homeland. A conclave was occurred in 2001 by the Jats over this issue (more detailed in Prof B.S. Kaiyan’s book. If you wish to buy the book {you must if you are Jat. If you aren’t, please read this book to confirm you aren’t one} contact me at bsKaiyan@email.com) in which all nations participated. The conclave was presided over by the first Jat King of Jatland.com, Professor Unmohan Singh.
Ultimately, the King of Serbia offered help by way of running a perpetual a one-way bus service called Jat Airways to access this homeland for the Jat peoples. This bus service is free for all Jats (If you wish to avail this service and you are not a Jat, please buy the book and read Chapter V, How to become a Jat in 10 days. You can buy the book by contacting me at bsKaiyan@email.com). Non Jats are not allowed on this bus because Serbia Govt. has declared that if a busload of Jats has even one non-Jat passenger in it, it might asplode.
[edit] Jat Culture
[edit] Men
Jats are one the most ethical and righteous people on earth. And when it comes to women their generosity and chivalry is world renowned. Jats never beat up any women except for those from their own household. If any such a need arises, and it arises quite often, they organise a panchayat to sit over it. The Panchayat decides the penalty for the soon to be charred individual. The Panchayats do a commendable job and are very lenient towards charred remains of the culprits (esp as they were once women).
A Jat never does any wrong with anybody. Throughout one zillion year old history of Jats, no Jat has ever told a lie or wronged anybody. In fact, IPC (Indian Penal Code) as opposed to IPL, states that any evidence given by Jat men in the court of law is to be admitted unequivocally as incriminating evidence incognito without any consideration or delay. It is a well known fact that Harish Chandra, was a well known Jat, so this is not at all something to be surprised at.
Jat men keep women illiterate for fear of spreading AIDS. It is a well known fact that in Jats, apart from the usual ducts of pleasure, AIDS also spreads via any activity that involves using brains. Though much remains unclear, scientists claim that this can be explained by presence of cavity-less holes (a very distinct feature of Jats), where other homo-sapiens seem to have brains. These ducts allow for free transmission of sexually transmitted diseases STD. That also explains why Jats are so reluctant to use their brains or whatever semblance of brains they have.
[edit] Women
Women in Jats play big role, both as protector and courier for Jat values. A typical day for Jat woman involves the following:
- Waking up early in the morning (i.e. if allowed to sleep)
- Take the morning pounding (strictly vaginal)
- Get water from some far away place instead of using the homely handpump.
- Cook Bajre ki Roti and Sarso ka saag - the only thing real Jats eat.
- Go to the fields and get teased by some rustic on the way, typically some male friend of husband and later on get beaten for that
- Work in the fields, while husband is sitting playing cards or decimating a hukka back home. Typical jobs including drafting the harrow through the fields or standing as scarecrow.
- Return from fields in the evening - get some tight slaps on the face, just to keep it nice and supple.
- Take the cattle for drinking water where some other rustic teases her
- Milk the cattles on return.
- Get a consolidated beating for all known and unknown mistakes made during the day. It is more energy efficient that way.
- Cook food again, again the good old Bajre ki Roti and Sarson ka saag will do.
- Get ready for fresh pounding by taking a bath and tidying herself up - Jat men like to a fresh look or else they flip out and kick in the vagina and have sex with their twelve year old daughter instead.
- Get harrowed till he falls asleep (might involve various poses from kamasutra).
[edit] Some famous Jats
(Apologies to all humane caucasion, non filthy feces diaper headed people)There are no famous Jats that u will ever find. And even if you do so happen to find a famous JAt, you will never in your lifetime be able to pronounce his name, let alone look at his face for 5 minutes.
Gents:
- B S Kaiyan
- Happy Singh
- Very Happy Singh
- Even Happier Singh
- Happiest of Them All Singh
- Goli Singh
- Gubbara Singh
- His Highness, Queen Mayawati
- His Highness, Khansi Ram
- Lord Jatt Gill
- Sunny Singh
- Cloudy Singh
- Gurudas Mann
- Thomas Mann
- Ravi Chaudhury
- Bruce Springsteen
- Gabbar Singh
- Amartya Sen
- Fauladia Ahluwalia
- Dr. B. R. Ambedkar
- Rubbish The She Gill
- Shaktiman
- Bhangraman
- Bunty
- Latrine Boy (Heathrow Airport)
Ladies:
- Amrita Shergill
- Sushmita Sen
- Malika Sherawat
- Maleeha Lodhi
- Edwina Mountbatten Singh
- Hema Malini
- Nawazish Ali
- Bubli
- Latrine Lady (Heathrow Airport)
50/50
- Pervez Musharraf[1]
- Salman Rushdie Singh
- Mamata Banerjee Singh
[edit] Jats today - a photo essay
[edit] Further reading
- Professor B. S. Kaiyan. Jat History Undiscovered! Boo! English, Published in 2006.
[edit] See Also
[edit] End Notes
- ↑ Mohajirs are also Jats. Read the book. But first - buy it. You can buy it by contacting me at bsKaiyan@email.com
