Jasper from The Simpsons

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[edit] Tracks from the Album

In 1998, Adolf Hitler made the album 3 tracks instead of 2 million.

[edit] SIDE A

1. You HAVE to listen to me

2. Suckers

[edit] SIDE B

3. Who Commited Suicide?

Jasper Beardly

Term of office:	January 20, 1998 – September 27, 2009
Preceded by:	Homer Simpson
Succeeded by:	Lisa Simpson
Date of birth:	1892
Place of birth:	a grogan shop
Date of death:	September 27, 2009 (Murdered By Bart)
Place of death:	The White House
First Lady:	Abe Simpson
Political party:	Nazi (1998 - 2009)

Jasper Beardly (born c. 1892, died 9/27/2009, Springfield, USA) was an elderly man known for being the world's first man to be frozen in a Kwik-E-Mart fridge, for his brief stint as a substitute teacher in Springfield Elementary, and for his distinctive long white beard. Jasper is a known acquaintance of the elderly, foolish Abe 'Grandpa' Simpson. The strength of this relationship was amply demonstrated when Grandpa bravely fought to free Jasper's beard from the clutches of a troublesome pencil sharpening device, Jasper's online Counter Strike name is DemBonezIZUberl33t, playing with Jasper is considered holy.

...that's a paddlin'.
Taken Sep 27 2009 about half an hour before his murder

[edit] Career

Jasper's career remains shrouded in mystery; however, it is common knowledge that he and Grandpa successfully dodged the World War 2 draft by disguising themselves as women and competing in the Ladies' softball league. Jasper also once attempted to join the popular 1980s barbershop quartet group, the Bee Sharps. His audition was a heartfelt rendition of Theme From A Summer Place, unfortunately, it was unanimously rejected by the band for being 'shit' and that was the end of that. In 1998, he was elected President, replacing Homer Simpson, who was the president since 1988. In 2009, he was murdered. There is a very high chance at some point he may or may not have been Papa Smurf, no one is yet to confirm this so it remains hearsay. This theory is very unlikely due to lack of blueness in his skin.

[edit] Future

Theeeeeeeme... from a Sum-mer plaaaaaace...
Taken Jan 20 1998 at the ceremony for president.

Fox have confirmed that The Simpsons will return in 2009 with Jasper replacing Homer in the family and acting as the show's main character, in an attempt to 'spice up' the stagnating series in the face of stiff competition from Desperate Housewives, The L Word and other hot shows. There will be more frequent scenes of Mr and Mrs Simpson in bed together, making passionate love. It has been rumoured that Bart will come out as gay, with a potential love triangle storyline involving Milhouse and Nelson. Lisa will become a goth, maybe running away to Europe with Ralph Wiggum? Mr Burns of course will fall in love with Aunt Patty and change his ways. Meanwhile a mysterious black mist encircles Springfield, randomly swallowing up citizens such as Prof. Frink and Ms. Hoover. It is not known how this decision came to be made, however, this writer recommends taking a good long look at who emerges from Matt Groening's apartment in the early hours of a Saturday morning. Is it the guy who voices Homer? Is it? Or is it the guy who voices Jasper? Think about that one...

Following Jasper's murder on September 27, 2009, FOX cancelled The Simpsons becuase Jasper was going to replace everyone. The Simpsons died September 20, 2020 due to homicide.

[edit] September 27, 2009 Murder

On September 27, 2009, Jasper was murdered by Bart Simpson when he shot him and hung him cutting off his throat. Bart Simpson will be executed in March 3000. Cheif Wiggum shot Bart's butt 50 times after the murder. On September 27, 2009 at 11:45 AM, Lisa Simpson became president.

[edit] See also

• Old People
• Americans
• The Simpsons

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