Jason Russell

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Bloink1 solid
This article is being considered for deletion in accordance with Uncyclopedia's deletion policy.
This page may not fit in Uncyclopedia, or may not be funny with little chance for redemption.
Please share your thoughts on the matter at this article's entry on the Votes for deletion page.

Jason fresh out of his pool he built with your money

Jason Russell is an amateur producer/town drunk/con artist/convicted felon, who is known for his successful and very lucrative marketing campaign Kony 2012.

edit Early life

Young Jason born from father, Santa Claus and mother, Satan, was abandoned into the Nile in a reed basket. He was found and raised by a flock of nearby thugs. He later obtained his degree in scamming at the United Church of Scientology in 1978.

edit Career

His career took off with his abduction Amber Rene Hagerman, as a clever plot to publicize the AMBER alert. With his success, he joined the League of Sexual Predators, where he met his current wife, Danica Jones and his best friend, Pope John Lennon II, who converted him to Evangelical Christianity, teaching him ancient christian magics which he used to turn children invisible, for better and less suspicious storage. Later, dissociating himself from the league, he became an indian village pillager with Canadian MP, Rob Ford.

Russell produced his first movie, Invisible Children (2006), where actor Snoop Dogg, starring as fictional character Josef Kony, received an Oscar for his performance. Jason was writing the sequel, when he suddenly gave birth his two kids, Pedro-Phillip Russell and Ana-Lee Russell.

He later on produced his second movie, the documentary named after Russell's foundation, Kony 2012, where he featured playing a Sith lord.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Jason Russell.

edit The Great Kony 2012 Scheme


A rare picture of his scrapped dance show

Capitalizing on the success of the Josef Kony character, Russell started his own foundation where he promised to free children in exchange for money. He was very successful as he managed to make 7 million dollars without having to surrender any of his hard-earned children.

edit Jason's downfall

While rehearsing for an interpretive dance show, Jason was arrested for public masturbation. He tried using PMS as legal defence, however PMS was not recognized as a real disease until 2013. Before incarceration, he appeared on Oprah in that episode where "everyone gets a TV". He now resides in jail.

Personal tools
In other languages