Jason Garfield

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
“Juggling is juggling, clowns are clowns, I am me and you are you. Deal with it!”
~ Jason Garfield on Who he is and who he is not
“Nothing is possible. Even though I make it possible.”
~ Jason Garfield on The possible
“You're not juggling right!”
~ Jason Garfield on Everyone else
“Clowns inspire me and I inspire myself.”
~ Jason Garfield on His inspiration
“He's just this guy, you know?”
~ Anthony Gatto on Jason Garfield


Jason demonstrating the technique known as "throwing up."

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Jason Garfield.

Jason R. Garfield is a numbers juggler who loves numbers. Some of his favorite numbers are 7, 531 and 651. He can flash 12 balls and juggle two. He has been known to break the record for the fewest number of balls juggled. In addition, he invented the siteswap called 1. The one and only 1.

Jason has earned a bad reputation for hating clowns, people who juggle while doing humor, people who don't understand juggling and people who eat apples while juggling. This reputation is completely unfair, if not completely untrue. The truth of the matter is that Jason does not hate clowns, people who juggle while doing humor, people who don't understand juggling and people who eat apples while juggling so much as he hates people.

Oh, and about the apples he just doesn't think people should eat at all while juggling.

edit The W(W)JF

The WJF either stands for the World Juggling Federation, or What Would Jerry Juggle? One would think the answer obvious, but Jason isn't nearly as good a speller as he is a juggler. He also can't count W's. Therefore, both answers are possible, although nobody is clear on who Jerry is.

Jason created the WJF because he kept taking to long to juggle in other juggling competitions. Due to his super human strength he would toss his balls high into the air. (I know, That's what she said ) It would take forever for them to come down. By the time he caught them, Jason would be disqualified.


This is why people shouldn't eat while juggling. They might get hit with a bowling ball

In disgrace, Jason created a juggling competition he could win no matter how strong smelling he was.

edit His Experience

Jason Garfield has had 300 years of experience juggling. He started juggling when he was 3 weeks old and actually got the "youngest person to start juggling" award. Garfield is able to juggle the siteswap called 0 and the siteswap -0. He can also juggle the siteswap called "siteswap." No one believes this but it's a [[fact]. So deal with it.

edit Juggling and Science

People have said that Jason Garfield throws up a lot. Jason Garfield says that he doesn't throw up enough. Although he said that he throws down too much. People get confused with the words throwing up and vomit. Throwing up means juggling balls. Vomiting means throwing up. Big difference.

The siteswap "jasonrgarfield" was actually performed by him. He said that he didn't invent it since his name said it all. No one but him has been able to perform it. However he recommends that people try to juggle the siteswap of their own names. For instance, Bob or rob; even if it's impossible, he can do it for you.

edit Personality

Jason says that he's not self centered and many agree with him. He's even juggled the siteswap "selfcentered" and found out that he's not it. It looks nothing like the siteswap "jasonrgarfield." It does look eerily similar to the siteswap "wjffounder" but most agree this is mere coincidence.

Garfield found that "noncompetitive" was the correct personality type given to him since he juggled the siteswap and found it to be correct. He recommends juggling your own personality type to find out. If you can't do it, you lose the game.

edit F.A.Q

Disclaimer - The questions are real, the answers are lies. Or are they?

Q: Can you juggle while eating an apple?
A: I don't eat apples, so I guess we'll never know

Q: Can you juggle chainsaws?
A: Juggling chainsaws is not much more difficult than juggling 3 apples. So, I guess that also falls into the don't know category

Q: Can you juggle fire?
A: No. But I can swallow fire. I can also swallow chainsaws, but only once.

Q: Can you juggle me?
A: I can juggle anything that I can lift and throw and then catch. Come closer and ask me again.

Q: Can you juggle all the balls, all the circles and all the bowling pins at the same time?
A: No, but I can do amazing things with my ... never mind it's too easy.

Q: Who inspires you?
A: Well, I don't like to brag but the J in wwjd originally meant Jason.

Q: Jason who?
A: This interview is over

==See also==v

edit External links

Personal tools