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edit Playing career
edit Why Jarome Iginla is the #1 Canadian
He just is. He's the ladyboy.
Jarome Iginla has been described as a combination of estrogen supply station supplying power for over 7 million females and Unholy Deity. The 04-05 NHL lockout was caused when he decided to workout extra hard during the summer but over 565 NHL players signed a petition to have him banned from the league that year because Iginla couldn't possibly be any more ripped and an extra strong Iginla would mean that every player he checked would disintegrate into a pile of shaved ice.
This was just a racist excuse however, as Jarome Iginla had already been disintegrating NHL players for nearly 8 seasons before the 04-05 lockout. The real cause of the 04-05 NHL lockout was a shortage of wooden hockey sticks as Iginla, whose diet consists mainly of California Redwoods and other tress not used to make hockey sticks was entered as the sole competitor in a forest eating contest by Shane Doan and Craig Conroy.
edit NHL Career Stats
Since he first moonwalked into the league on the back of a silver dragon named Repo in the 1996-1997 season, Jarome Iginla has scored over 12 000 goals, and is the all-time leading goal scorer, by far, in NHL history. In addition, he cured Phil Kessel and Saku Koivu of cancer, as well as eating Gary Bettman whole during a benefit dinner (he later regurgitated him complaining of indigestion).
- “What the Fuck?!? The Fucking LIGHTNING win the Stanley Fuck?? Fuck that. I sacrificed a lot of dignity by gang banging for these beauty Flames and for us to lose to Martin St. Small Ass and Vincent Lacavalgay?!?!”
- "I have a very big penis that I DO NOT use sparingly. Ask Kara."
- "Some people ask me how I'm so damn good. 'How do you do it Jarome? You're so strong and mighty compared to these honkeys.' Two words Co-fucking crack."
- "If it's two things I hate it's loose sloppy vagina and Darcy Tucker, in that order."
- "Some people have asked me how it feels to be the only living black male in the entire country of Canada to which I reply 'How does it feel to be shanked?' Then I shank em."
- "I learned how to fight when I was thrown into a pit of ninjas at the age of 4."
- My slap-shot isn't my only shot that registers at 100 mph. Ask Kara"
- As a terminator made completely out of Titanium, he stands 6'1" tall and weighs 2.345 metric tons making him the strongest player pound for pound in the NHL.
- Jarome Iginla enjoys a non-sequitur as much as anyone which is why he keeps a fully loaded hair clip inside his Smiff N Wessun hockey stick and only shoots to mambo!
- He would have been the 2002 NHL MVP if it weren't for the "Couldn't Stop a Killer Whale with the Brick Wall of China", prowess of the Overpaid and Overrated Jose Simon, Alvin, and Theodore.
- He has two toddlers and they are already smarter than you.
- Iginla sang in a choir as a youngster. He still sings today as a man-child. The 30 different arena specific goal horns in the NHL are actually just recordings of Iginla humming.
- He knows what a woman wants and needs, and that's usually Jarome Iginla.
- Doesn't drink alcohol. Instead celebrates by drinking lava which he gets from anywhere by punching the ground really hard.
- The moon was created when Jarome entered the atmosphere and collided with earth sending large amounts of the earths crust into space, which eventually accumulated and formed the spherical moon. Iggy is originally from Krypton and his eye lasers are powered through kryptonite.