Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/January 26

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January 26: National 'Hail Zeus' day (Ancient Greece)

Zeus
  • Beginning of Time - Zeus is begat by Chronos and Chaos.
  • 3457 BC - Zeus gets it on with his wife/sister, Hera. He has Orpheus invent the banjo to provide some mood music for their wedding night. Unfortunately, the song he creates for that special occasion is later used in the film Deliverance.
  • 353 - Christianity takes a whack at Zeus.
  • 700 - Zeus commands the French to worship him. When they refuse, he curses them with garlic and an irrational fear of washing.
  • 1879 - Zeus smites the prototype caboose to advert unflattering poetry. Unfortunately, it is reinvented three days latter.
  • 1901 - The popular phrase "I dont give a fuck" is used for the first time by John Keats when he found out that the toothpaste he was using was actually his shaving cream.
  • 1959 - Under the pen name Dr. Zeuss, Zeus begins to write children's literature. His first book is "Hop on MILF", in which a Greek god transforms into various animals in order to make out with human women.
  • 1974 - Zeus curses John Boorman for using his wedding-night song in Deliverance. When Boorman's next film, Zardoz, flops, Zeus simply laughs.
  • 2002 - Zeus decides he doesn't like George W. Bush and decides to strike him down, but can't find any lightning bolts. Instead he sends him a cursed pretzel.
  • 2010 - A Greek man charged with sodomistic rape of an Iranian woman is found not guilty in celebration of the verdict being read on this holiday.
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