Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/January 26

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Dude, I, like, pwn you!

January 26: National 'Hail Zeus' day (Greece)

• Beginning of Time - Zeus is begat by Chronos and Chaos.
• 4900 BC- Chuck Norris forms an alliance with Zeus.
• 4828 BC - Zeus calls upon the Mesopotamians to worship him. When they refuse, he shits on the lot of them and heads off to Greece.
• 3457 BC - Zeus gets it on with his wife/sister, Hera. He has Orpheus invent the banjo to provide some mood music for their wedding night. Unfortunately, the song he creates for that special occasion is later used in the film Deliverance.
• 353 - Christianity takes a whack at Zeus.
• 700 - Zeus commands the French to worship him. When they refuse, he curses them with garlic and an irrational fear of washing.
• 1879 - Zeus smites the prototype caboose to advert unflattering poetry. Unfortunately, it is reinvented three days latter.
• 1901 - The popular phrase " I dont give a F-u-c-k" used for the first time by John Keats when he found out that the toothpaste he was using was actually his shaving cream.
• 1959 - Under the pen name Dr. Zeuss, Zeus begins to write children's literature. His first book is "Hop on MILF", in which a Greek god transforms into various animals in order to make out with human women.
• 1974 - Zeus curses John Boorman for using his wedding-night song in Deliverance. When Boorman's next film, Zardoz, flops, Zeus simply laughs.
• 1977 - The CCCP tanks moved to Vatican city, and parted to West and East Vatican. The Pope bringed out the Antiochian Holy Handgranade and said a curse to the soviet invaders who after transformed to bear-pixies and dwarfs.
• 1993 - Cedomir Vukasinovic born, soon to become the greatest Serbian tennis player to live.
• 1998 - At age 8, MagicLeprechaun has aquired more knowledge than any other human being.
• 1999 - Zeus tosses MagicLeprechaun into another dimension for being too fucking smart!
• 2002 - Zeus decides he doesn't like George W. Bush and decides to strike him down, but can't find any lightning bolts. Instead he sends him a cursed pretzel.
• 2002 - It turns out the cursed pretzel was actually a normal pretzel, and nothing happens to Bush.
• 2009 - Barack Obama finds work boring...he decides to ask Zeus for help...problem was Zeus was a McCain supporter
• 2016 - Zeus beats the crap out of YHWH on Mind of Mencia; pægans everywhere rejoice.
• 2017 - Zeus falls off a bridge and dies, ending once and for all the omnipotence sham.