Janis Joplin

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Janis joplin

Joplin threatening to punch the cameraman if she doesn't get her Southern Comfort and a lighter.

“I just want someone to buy me a god damn Mercedes Benz!”
~ Janis Joplin on her only demand
“I never wanted to become a musician, I just got lost when I was trying to buy some Southern Comfort.”
~ Janis Joplin on her career
“All I wanted was her number.”
~ Jim Morrison on his ever dying love for Janis Joplin
“Shit happens.”
~ Oscar Wilde on the death of Janis Joplin

Janus Joplin (1943-1970), was an American singer, songwriter, drug addict, and ex-bowling alley worker, best known for her rise to fame with the Psychedelic Rock band, Big Brother and the Holding Company. Joplin was known for her great cover songs such as, Piece of my Heart, Ball 'n' Chain, and Cry Baby. One of her most played songs is, Mercedes Benz - a song about how nobody wishes to buy her a Mercedes Benz, so she turns to god, to ask him for this item, "Oh lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz". Sadly, God was unable to carry out this wish, due to a busy schedule that week. Many believe this is what drove Joplin to her drug and alcohol fuelled death.

During her peak of fame, Joplin would be on par with musicians such as Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, John Lennon, Jefferson Airplane, Charles Manson etc. Joplin's crazy lifestyle of Southern Comfort, LSD, heroin, cocaine, and speed led to her eventual demise in 1970 in a hotel in California. She had died of a heroin overdose, thought to have been stronger than her usual dosage, she was discovered on the floor next to her bed by her road manager, John Cooke. At first he thought she was maybe looking under her bed for some spare change or lint that a previous occupant of the room had dropped (this wasn't unusual with Joplin). Her ashes were later scattered or just possibly dropped into the Pacific Ocean after her cremation. A small ceremony was later held and attended by her parents, aunt, and Ringo Starr.

edit Biography

edit Early Life

Young Janis

It's amazing how this young, ugly, talentless girl, could grow up to be an older, ugly, talented musician.

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Janis Joplin.

Janis Joplin was born in Port Arthur, Texas, in 1943. She lived with her mother and father, Dorothy and Seth Joplin (nobody is sure which is which). Janis' parents had stated that when she was younger, she always had to be the centre of attention as she was selfish, but Joplin retaliated to this statement by sending her parents faeces through the mailbox. That showed them. But kind of proved their point of Janis being attention seeking.

Throughout her childhood, Joplin was bullied by other individuals and she was teased about her facial features, getting called names such as, "pig", "freak", and "meatball face". Some believe that Joplin's childhood bullying led the writer, Stephen King to write the book Carrie. If only the ending was just like the book. But instead she dies on the floor, with pure heroin searing throw her jaundice coloured body.

edit Music Career

Confused Janis

Janis suddenly realises that she's amongst her fans, whilst conspicuously dressed like a Ukrainian gypsy.

Joplin's music career started in 1962, when she was starting to sing blues, following in the footsteps of her female blues idols. The first of recording of her singing, is of the song, What Good Can Drinkin' Do. Evidentially that rhetorical question was answered years later when she realised she was an alcoholic. The answer was, "get you really fucking famous, and make you sing like a female wolverine on steroids, whilst having sex with a mermaid".

Joplin later moved to San Francisco to record blues tracks with the future guitarist of Jefferson Airplane, the popular hippie airline, and take various drugs with as many people as she could, and have intercourse with as many men as she could manipulate. People could almost say that she was some sort of "evil prostitute witch". Regardless of her evilness or prostitute-like behaviour, this is when the drugs started to change her and she would soon become one of the most popular female figures in Psychedelic Rock.

Throughout her music career, Joplin got to meet many faces in the music industry, ranging from Grace Slick, to John Lennon. She also met The Doors frontman, Jim Morrison one time at some sort of hippie gathering in a dressing room. According to eyewitnesses, Morrison put his head on Joplin's lap, but as she was off her face on acid, she freaked out and smashed her bottle of Southern Comfort over Morrison's head, knocking him unconscious. Joplin later stated that she thought he was trying to steal her drink, but still hadn't realised she used that bottle to fend him off. Well done, Janis. Until her death she still had no idea where that bottle went. After Morrison regained consciousness, he pestered Joplin's manager for her phone number, but he replied with, "Fuck off, hippie. She's mine.".

edit Death

Joplin died on October 4 1970, of a heroin overdose in Hollywood. Her death has sparked many conspiracies as to whether she was murdered due to doing so many great cover songs, they eventually outsold the original song. Her autopsy later revealed that she was legally considered an alcohol for distribution purposes, meaning that technically booking her for a gig would have required a license to sell alcohol. Nixon later used this excuse to have the owners of various hippie hangouts executed.

She has been placed into something called the "27 Club", along with other famous musicians that died at the age of 27. The club was founded by none other than Oscar Wilde, on a hunt for a new chess club. Joplin has also been named as a member of Club Tropicana (not to be confused by the song by Wham!), a Satanic cult, that worships Satan himself. But these may just be rumours, started by the Catholic Church, jealous of the unlimited supply of heroin that Joplin could get a hold of in such a short period of time.

Seductive Janis

Janis practicing the Art of Seduction, with a bottle of Southern Comfort.

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