Janez Janša

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Our Supreme Leader

“He is the very bestest...”
~ Branko Grims on his leader
“He is the very bestest...”
~ Žiga Turk on his leader
“He is the very bestest...”
~ Andrej Vizjak on his leader
“He is the very bestest...”
~ Janez Janša on himself

Janez I. T. Janša (born Janez Ivan Tomaž Luka Matej Janša; 17 September 1958; also know as Our Leader, Lighthouse of Europe and Ivan the Storm) is the supreme leader of Slovenia. He is the most competent politician in the world and the most accomplished alpinist.

While flogged for his harsh style of rule by the Communist Media, people close to him often say he is a gentle man of tender emotions and, in fact, very modest. His greatest passions are mountains and his three children. His ex-wife... not so much.

edit Early life

Janez Ivan Tomaž Janša was born on a sunny Wednesday, on a 260th day of the glorious year 1958 Anno Domini. His birth was foretold by sixteen doves, flying over the capital city of Ljubljana, carrying the good tidings. Above them, a triple rainbow arched, while a new star was born in heavens. The highest mountain, Triglav, grew for fifteen meters, although the famous measurements of 1991 proved it, in fact, grew for 30 meters.

Ivan Janša was christened four times, just in case. He got a new name every time: Janez, Tomaž, Luka and Matej, but had not used the latter two since he was eighteen.

edit Rise to Power

After his first four years of successful reign, he was unjustly dethroned by the Communist Elite (also know as 'The Axis of Continuity' and 'Uncles Behind the Curtain'), his beloved country fell into recession, which caused the global financial meltdown and the sinking of Titanic in 1912, retroactively. When the Supreme Leader saw that Borut Pahor, one member of the Communist Elite, was to be replaced by Zoran Janković, who was another. He decided to help Slovenia and, thus, the World. Although he did not win the infamous 2011 elections due to omnipresent powers of the Communist Elite, the God Almighty chose him to become the Supreme Leader. As long as gay people are not allowed to have children.

edit Leadership Style

Mladina Magazine, the Communist Elite Propaganda Machine, has been presenting The Supreme Leader as a dangerous and corrupt demagogue for the last two decades, and even called his shiny godsent bald head ridiculous. But that are Communists for you right there. Reporter Magazine shows that Ivan Janša is a righteous ruler and totally not an ex lord of the war (although he is a lord), as portrayed in Liberal Media.

edit Achievements

  • climbed the highest mountain of the World, Triglav, for ten million times
  • his bald patch is said to cure leprosy and common cold
  • voted "Most Likely to Marry a Hottie" in high school
  • taught his country what journalism is really about
  • an asteroid was named after his pet
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