From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Janet Floppita Ho Jackson (born May 16, 1966) is an American recording artist and is officially the most talented girl member of the Jackson family according to the Fortune magazine. Thanks to family connections, her father abuses and her nipples she made it big into the music business, not without first releasing 2 flop albums that their fans always try to hide and attribute to Latoya Jackson.
Janet rose to fame by releasing her Shocking Good album "I Want Control (Give It To Me)" Wich was the only Janet album not to debut on top the US Charts infact it was so painfully good it wasn't allowed to debut on the charts there was another chart made just for this album called the "Billboard 200".
Janet is known as well as the fattest black singer after Aretha. She usually get all the fat drained just 1 day before promoting the album but she manages to gain all the fat thanks
Janet "Floppita" Jackson has been, for many years, trying to prove herself better than the Caucasian Britney Spears and the half-bred Mariah Carey. Already, Britney was shocking audiences with boob appearances, and her two breasts were special guests on the Oprah show, where supposedly, Dr. Phil told Britney backstage that her boobs were depressed, and that they should consult him on a live show. Mariah was walking around half-naked and this saddened Janet even more because she was forced to sign a contract which restricted her from following in Mariah Carey's footsteps. Obviously, Janet was not happy, so she called in a team of scientists to find a way that her fame could beat Britney's. Although the scientists argued to Janet that she was African American, and thus having a more important role in the media of today, Janet would not accept that her skin was indeed, a black-ish color. "I am not black!" said Janet, "I have a rare skin disease which causes my skin to appear a dark brown color." So later on, after a failed attempt to put microchips in newborn babies to make them even know who Janet was, the skilled ape research team thought a new, fresh, idealistic plan. By putting a pump under Janet's breast, she would be able to at any time make a boob appearance, something that Britney was not able to do. Mariah could not be out-done because she had the whole world under her spell which made them love and listen only to artists who could actually sing. She was loved for her talent.
There were two main events happening in which Janet Jackson was hoping to show her breasts, the Super Bowl XXXXXXIIIIIXXIIHIMUTHERFUCKER, and the Gramm-cracker Music Awards. Her first attempt at the super bowl went quite according to plan, with one breast popping out, right on schedule. After this though, Britney was catching on. At the Music Awards, almost as Janet got to the podium to unleash her unsuspected boob to the public, Britney popped on stage this time showing BOTH BOOBS! This was a all-time new record and thus Janet was defeated.
The Janet Jackson Syndrome
Janet Jackson has set trends for the likes of Britney Spears, Ciara and Beyonce,many more who blatanly copy janet in their videos but can't admit it, The Janet Jack Syndrome is spreading fast and one of the victims who are suffering from the syndrome is britney spears she was recently quoted saying she takes horse medicine but it was later revield this was a bunch of shit and that she was actually suffering from The Janet Jackson Syndrome (attempts to recreate janet jackson's video's XTREMELY BADLY)
Astronomers have been watching Janet Jackson with growing concern. Already the left breast is completely bare, but this is now on the side facing away from the Earth. More pressing is that the waistband of her lower garment is inexorably slipping as her bottom half is drawn gravitationally towards us. They calculate that the first wisps of pubic hair will be visible from Earth (in the Southern Hemisphere, mainly in Madagascar, the Indian Ocean, and parts of Western Australia) in June 2010. The entire teasing outline of her womanhood might be visible by as early as 2030.
Calls for bulbous rocket ships with fins to be sent out there with tanks of latex-based spray foam to cover up her offensive parts have been rejected as too expensive and, since foam is white, thinly-veiled racism to boot. Critics point out the hypocrisy that no-one minds stark naked white women orbiting the Earth, as for example Dolly Parton, who had a helium/silicone accident in 1999 and has since been floating starkers above New Mexico, occluding the town hall clock regularly at midday.
She is currently married to Darryl Strawberry.
Under Control was Janet Jackson's debut album. Even though she released two albums prior to this album: Janet Jackson (as the title suggests, it is an album about herself) and Nightmare Street, they have been locked in a safe and sent to Pluto and were never heard from again, which was a reason for Pluto's demotion. One of the biggest hit songs from the album is "Gnasty Gnorcs", which became a #1 hit in Avalar (notable for being the city in which Spyro and Coco Bandicoot were married.).
Other hit singles:
- "What Have I Done For You Lately"
- "When You Think of Me"
- "Under Control"
- "Let's Do It Now!"
- "Pleasure Preacher"
- "Hard plastic nipples"
- "Don't Worry I'll Show My Boob One Day"
- "Give it to me hard and fast"
- "Give it to me harder and faster"
Rhythm Nation $18.14
Rhythm Nation $18.14 was Janet Jackson's follow up to her 1986 hit album, “Under Control” and was a huge success, with eighteen hit singles. Rhythm Nation $18.14 reached number one on both Pop-picker and R&B charts.
Rhythm Nation $18.14 is a concept album addressing things which affected Janet and her family and friends, interspersed with more typical love-song/ shake your booty dance bip-boppety-bop stuff. Jackson's image was changed into a more military/commando look, with a black and white photograph of her on the cover in which she is wearing no panties. The back cover of the album displays the following pledge: "We are a nation with no geographic tendencies, bound together with pretty red ribbon. We are like-minded individuals, except for Michael, obviously, because he’s, like, really weird even by my standards, but hey he’s my brother so I love him. Anyway, as I was saying, we all share a common vision, pushing toward a world rid of drab colors, or colours if you live in the UK."
The album was produced by Jelly Jam (Jelly Harris IV) and Jerry Lewis, who took time out of making his movie, The Nutty Professor, to co-write songs such as "Black Cat"; the song is about Janet’s pet panther which she ironically named “Janet”.
Theories abounded about the strange numbering found cleverly hidden within the title. It still remains an unknown fact today that the American national anthem was written in 1814, and because that fact is unknown, it obviously has no bearing on the title of this album. The numbers were actually taken from the fact that Janet intended to release 18 of the 100 tracks found on the album as singles, and 14 was the age of her brother Michael’s boyfriend at the time.
"Rhythm City $18.14" was a huge hit, despite the fact that Janet fails to expose any breasts throughout the course of the entire album. The title of the track was conceived when Jackson bought Usher's Rhythm City (The tenth special edition release of Confessions) for $18.14. Jackson's song went to #1 in Rhythm City.
Another hit song "Icecapade", Jackson reveals her desire to go to the first Disneyland built in Antarctica. The album debut at #1 on the Billboard 200
The other 15 hit singles are:
- "Pledge Allegiance to the Flag of Rhythm City"
- "State of the Country of the World of the Solar System of the Universe"
- "Horse Race"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=575o-LptvQU&feature=related
- "Common Knowledge"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=575o-LptvQU&feature=related
- "Miss Me Much"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=575o-LptvQU&feature=related
- "Love Will Do Without You"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=575o-LptvQU&feature=related
- "Livin' On A Planet (That Doesn't Exist)"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=575o-LptvQU&feature=related
- "All Wrong"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=575o-LptvQU&feature=related
- "On Acid"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=575o-LptvQU&feature=related
- "White Dog"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=575o-LptvQU&feature=related
- "Leave Me Alone"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=575o-LptvQU&feature=related
- "Get Away From Me"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=575o-LptvQU&feature=related
- "Tonight Is Someday"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=575o-LptvQU&feature=related
- "In Complete Darkness"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=575o-LptvQU&feature=related
After Rhythm Nation 1814, Janet sang the hit song "The Best Things In Life Are a Zillion Dollars" with Luther Vandross for the Moo Money soundtrack.
Jackson foresaw the popularity of the internet and originally decided to title her follow-up album janet.com, but because she did not want the government after her for predicting the future she dropped the "com" hoping they would not notice the album is about technology. However, her love for technology is especially evident in songs such as "That's the Way C++ Goes", "You Want This CPU," and "If-Then Statement". Some of other hits included "Because of DOS," "Never Break Again," "Any Ink, Any Printer," and "Whoops Now (Sorry I Broke Your Computer)." The album debut at #1 on the billboard 200
Graphic Design of a Century 1896/1996
Graphic Design of a Century 1896/1996 was a collection of Janet's hits. It featured two new songs: "Whisper", which was a duet with her brother Andrew Jackson telling the media to talk quietly in libraries, and "Run Away From Home" which went #1 everywhere except at her own home.
Velvet Jump Rope
Velvet Jump Rope is a very important album to Janet and her fans. It contains important messages where fans must listen to the album not only forwards, but in reverse as well. In the song "Me (Not You)", Jackson can be heard singing "The sun, the moon, the rain," which suggests that she is the direct descendant of Mother Nature. Another song, "Go Deep", contains instructions on how to win every football game and the album debut at #1 on the billboard 200
Full Track List is:
- Interlude-Twisted Nipples :54
- Velvet Rope Burn 5:09
- You not Me 6:21
- Got 'Til It's Golly Gosh Gone 5:00
- Interlude-Speaker Phone Sex :20
- My Needy Brother 4:47
- Interlude-Fasten Your Seatbelts I’m Showing my Breasts Again :06
- Go Deep 6:28
- Free Xone 1– Mornington Crescent; mind the Gap 5:09
- Interlude-Memory Ain’t what I Remember it to be :12
- Together Again Until We’re Apart Once More 5:09
- Interlude-Online Shopping, 10% off :43
- Half Empty 5:55
- Interlude- Half Full 1:12
- What About Michael and Those Charges, eh? 6:11
- Every Time I Sneeze A Part Of My Brain Falls Out 6:00
- Tonight's The Night Unless You Mean Tomorrow Night 5:19
- Interlude-I Get Lonely But I’m Rich, So Who Cares? 0:32
- Chinese Burn 7:08
- Anything Anywhere Anytime Anyplace Anyone Anyhow 7:08
- Interlude- Sad Clown 2:28
- Special People Can't Be Stopped 6:21
Not For You
Full track list:
- You're Never Right
- Not for You
- StillNot4You (Interlude)
- You Can't Get Up
- When You Oooo It Scares Me
- I Broke Your China (On Purpose) European Version: I Broke Your Dish (On Accident) American Version: I Broke Your China Dish (Accidentally on Purpose)
- Love Scene (You Baby)
- You Would Mind
- You're Lame (Interlude)
- Don't Trust You
- Your Head's in the Clouds (Interlude)
- Son of a Bitch (I Betcha Think This Song Is About You...Well, Actually it is and I'm singin' to You)
- The Sad Truth About You
- Theory (Interlude)
- No One to Call Your Lover
- Feels So Wrong
- You Don't Really Matter
- Better Days Than You
- Outro (Interlude)
- Japanese bonus track: Who? Not You
Sex-a-Jo was released after the incident with the XXXXXXIIIIIXXIIHIMUTHERFUCKER(Exposing her right nipple) so janet. thought she'd use that experience into her album "20 y older than u", she found a way to touch on the subject sex on every song including Interludes and still debuting on top of the billboard 200 #1
- Looking For Sex 4:23
- Sex-a-Jo 5:00
- Sexhibition 0:37
- Strawberry Sex 3:22
- My Sex 5:32
- Sex On The Island 5:02
- Sex With You 4:32
- Sex Hour 4:23
- Sex Life 5:02
- Sex All Night (Don't Stop) 0:23
- Sex Junkie 2:21
- I Want Sex (Now Do It!) 0:32
- Like You Don't Wanna Sex Me 6:21
- Thinkin' Bout Sex 0:54
- Sex 3:42
- Moist (Sex Pt. II) 1:59
- It All Comes Down to Sex 0:52
- Sexy 7:54
- Honky Suck My Sexy Titties 7:08
- SloSex 7:46
- Country Sex 2:12
- Just Plain Sex 0:32
- Tissue Sex 5:46
20 CopiesSold was Jackson's 'come-back' album headlining 2006, it didn't even crack the Billboard 200, and it was forbidden by a judge in UK for containing "dangerous music which causes anybody to automatically have sex with the nearest person they see". The CD sold 20 copies in the United States, which I bought, and it became her biggest hit thanks to me!
Khia, who was featured in the "So Xcited" song and video, said some very lovely words about her: "So what if my album sold a millionth of hers in her twentieth week! That just shows peeps be jealous of my hotness! I'm still mad at her for putting me inside that dusty TV set. I have a deathly fear of dusty TV sets! Everybody knows it's bad luck to be put inside those things so she screwed me over for life! I hate Janet Jackson!"
- (Intro) 20 Rounds of Sex
- So Xcited
- Show Me
- Get It Out Me
- Do It 2 Me 1 More Time
- This Body
- 20 Part 2 (Inter-lude)
- With U
- Call On Me & Leave A Msg
- 20 Part 3 (Inter-lewd)
- Daybreak (I Didn't Do It)
- 20, Part 4 (Inter-lute)
- Take Care; Don't Get Hit By A Car
- Sex In My Bed (I'll Give You Head!)(Sexalude)
- Love 2 Love 3 Love 4 No More
- (Outro) 20, Part 5
- (Bonus Track) Banana Sex (Comfortable)
- (Bonus Track) My Little Red Dildo
Janet Jackson's newer album. The only song that is a single right now is "Feedbag" and deals with her obsessive junk food consumption. The album was released last year but no one noticed. Critics says that it might be her biggest (s)hit after "20 CopieSold" In this album Janet collaborates with Missy Elliott, Janet confessed she let the big fat lesbo to play with her nipples for a cheap participation. The album made #1 and still nobody noticed it.
The album went Double-Platnum and has garnered 4 Bonus Tracks.
- I. P. On Myself (Interlude)
- LUV & SEX
- Spinning (Gonna Be Sick) (Interlude)
- Thrill Ride (Chunks)
- I have to Pee! (Interlude)
- Rock that Betch
- 2Nite is 2Nite
- Can't B Good 4 U
- 4 Bad Words (Interlude)
- Nevar Lemme Go
- Truth or Dare Me (Interlude)
- Greatest Sex Ever...
- Fuck You Janet (Interlude)
- So Much Butter
- Play the Damn Song! (Interlude)
- 1 is Always a Number (featuring Big Fat Lesbo Missy)
- What's My Name?
- Really Bad Meaning (Interlude)
- Disciplinary Act
- Michael Jackson's Invincible Only Sold 14 Copies World Wide (Interlude)
- Curtains (Pretend It's a Closet)
Double-Platnum Edition Tracks
- Stars or Scars
- Let Me Hear It
- Sexy, Sexy, Sexy No More
- Hanging On (Holdin' Boobs Tight)
Future Project : Remember Me & ISHBYNGROMEYG
Janet is rumored to be working with Donald Duck and Hilary Clinton for an upcoming album supposedly titled Remember Me with the lead singled called, "I'm Still Here Bitches, You'll Never Get Rid Of Me, Especially You Gaga" which she cowrote along with Britney Spears.
The album will be released on December 31st, 2099, she says, if she lives.
The unconfirmed tracklist for Remember Me currently is
- I'm Still Here Bitches, You'll Never Get Rid Of Me, Especially You Gaga
- Live Forever
- I'm An Old Sexy Hag
- Nose Picking (Interlude To Striptease)
- Striptease For Nose Pickers
- I'm Fatter Than Yo Mama
- Don't Call Me Old
- Plastic Surgery
- I Might Be Irrelevant But I'm Still Better Looking Than Aretha Franklin
- Feedbag [2099 Remix]
Andrew Jackson | Bo Jackson | Jackson Pollock | Jacksonville | Janet Jackson | Jerry Jackson | Michael Jackson | Randy Jackson | Samuel L. Jackson | Stonewall Jackson | White Michael Jackson | Who The Fuck Is Jackson Pollock?