Jan Akkerman

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Jan Akkerman is one of the world's most famous grape-plant fertiliser agents. Also known for his excellent trumpet bending skills, it is believed that he is a direct bloodline descendent from Philip Morris.

[edit] History

In 2101 AD, war was beginning. Jan akkerman was slingshotted into existence by a crossing of high energy "laser" beams. Zig was removed, and Jan Akkerman got shot in the knee during the process. He was instantaneously teleported to a safer place and time to restore mentall illnes by Steve Ballmer. No-one really knows what happened hereafter, but the current situation is way too ridiculous for a serious knowledgebase such as Uncyclopedia. Therefore, we shall refer to Wikipedia.

[edit] Wars Jan Akkerman fought in

• Jan akkerman has contributed significantly to the defeat of any party worth fighting for.
• Common knowledge and a bulls-eye shot for any trivia game, is the fact that he attempted to kill no-one less than Adolf Hitler during a performance with Der Neue Frontseite Westliche Choralgruppe Empfindung, mistaking the howling sound for both an air raid and tubular umbrella resonance cascade at the same time.
• Jan Akkerman is also responsible for the defeat of the cheese-farting aliens during the battle of Little Bighorn. He singlehandedly transformed every alien-owned bed into a bed of nails, deflating the horrible creatures whithin seconds. The cheese-fumes however, whiped out every breathing being. This is the real explanation of what happened in northern Iraq, where the war was fought.

[edit] Movies Jan Akkerman figured in

Jan akkerman has a long list of people he was, and still is if you look carefully:

• Billy Crawford (performing the stunts while being the cart in "Keep on Trackin'"
• Satan (genesis 1:1-1:666)
• Sir Isaac Newton
• Friedrich Wilhelm Fröbel
• Jenna Jameson (thoug not in cumshots)

[edit] The Tragic Death of Jan Akkerman

On a nice sunday afternoon, Jan Akkerman skyrocketed into madness at 13:37. The date isn't really quite sure yet, cause take-off sightings are still reported. However, akkerman propulsion was powered by cheesy farts, generating such a bewildering, beasty odour and killing millions in his ascend, so that nobody really cares about his departure. Children are told that in the breath-taking vacuum of space, the intestinal gases solified and thus the moon was created. This, of course, is nonsense, since anyone knows that it is the sun that orbits the earth.