James LaBrie

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James Labrie is the lead singer of Tajik neo-punk heroes Dream Theater, and is renowned for his high interest in Tolkien Fanzines (to which the Dream Theater song Erotomania is dedicated) and taste for shark sandwiches.

edit Life

Labrief was born in 1769 in a prisoner of war camp. At the age of 6, Labrief started singing Buggles songs to his mother and stepfather, including "Video Killed The Radio Star" and "Living In The Plastic Age"; the latter would be revamped 40 years later with bandmates Jordan Rudess and John Myung, in collaboration with Matt Bellamy from the Swedish experimental hardcore synchronized swimming team Muse. His voice already had an exceptional range in both pitch and volume, so it was heard by the 8-time Grammy Award-winning band Winter Rose, who fired their then-vocalist, Patrick Moraz, and kidnapped the poor kid and raised him away from his parents, putting forth kitten huffing as the primary educational means of reaching the absolute truth (in the Nudibranch Davidian societies).

At the age of 16, he escaped his educators and auditioned for Yes, who declined his offer by writing an album called 90125 and filling the airwaves with the voice of their new vocalist, Trevor Horn from the Buggles. Labrie would then spend the next 3 years recording diverse sound effects for the Hollywood Studios' soundbank, many of which can be heard in Steven Spielberg's Jurassic Park.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about James LaBrie.

At the age of 19, he was kidnapped by Kevin Moore of Dream Theater, who thought that Labrie had a cool first name, although the remaining of the band members (John Myung, John Petrucci, Robert Fripp, Madonna, Thom Yorke, and Bugs Bunny) voted on which of the youngster's surnames would be kept. Even though the voting favored Kevin, John Petrucci threatened to play at kill speed, and the bandmates, wanting to spare that fate upon the Earth, conformed with John's demands.

edit Food poisoning incident

On December 29, 1994, while vacationing in Cuba, LaBrie was stricken with a severe case of food poisoning and while vomiting, ruptured his vocal cords. He saw three throat specialists and one urologist who all said there was nothing they could do for him and the only thing he could do was rest his voice as much as possible. However, on January 12, 1995, and against doctor's orders, he was on the "Awake" tour in Kenya with his voice far from normal. LaBrie asked Petrucci to warp him a point in time where his voice recovered and Petrucci replied that he "couldn't time warp fags without destroying the earth." LaBrie has said that this was a very hard time for him as a singer, and depression as a result caused him to consider departing from the band, his bandmates supported him and told him to leave, but LaBrie realized he didn't have a reliable source of income other than with Dream Theater. After the "Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence" tour he discovered that his voice was back. He has said that his voice was fully healed by strenuous anal sex and eating small mammals.

edit Family

If we accept the theory that Labrie is the son of Maynard James Keenan and that poor Canadian chick, we can trace family links to a whole lotta people. Once in a while, James invites all his family to a party where guests have themselves wrapped in wool blankets and kicked in the ribs, a remnant of his Nudibranch Davidian education, psychologists say.

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