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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about James Dean.

A young Dean before his famed "Kittencaust" to prove that he deserved the lead in ""Rebel Without A Cause""

“That James Dean [is] one fine piece of ass.”

~ Oscar Wilde on James Dean

James "Y'all Don't Know Squat" Dean was a Scottish actor that gained international stardom as soon as he developed eyebrows. Tragically, he disappeared whilst cycling in the Bermuda Triangle (sorta like that guy in Spinal Tap), and never finished his sandwich which greatly upset the staff at 'The Pyramid Hotel' - the Triangles' most famous of Triangles.

[edit] Early Life

Dean was born an hour and a half late, early establishing himself as 'a rebel'. He was the illegitimate love child of Gene Simmons (but then again aren't we all) and is rumoured to be a descendant of 'Adam & Eve' (no relation of the fictional characters of that book everyone keeps talking about). Shortly after his birth, his mother sent him to live with his grandmother - Big Mama, & grandfather - Martin Laurence, on the Cotton fields of Denver U.S.A, where she hoped he would have a better life. His grandma exposed him to something that changed the course of his life, Bollywood Movies. It's from these that he developed his love, discipline & quality of acting that we all know him so well for (not to mention some kick ass dance moves). And on his 18th Birthday, Jimmy left Denver hitch-hike to India, hoping make it big as a Bollywood Star.

[edit] A Star Is Born

As it turns out India was too far, so he settled for New York instead, Dean juggled in the acting scene for a few months until he met a drunken Marilyn Monroe on the street late one night. He convinced her to show some "BOOT-AY" as she had the personality of a particularly boring grapefruit. And as you know that took her all the way to the top. His Stamp collection impressed many Hollywood executives who hooked him up with this girl, who knew this guy, who knew this other guy, blah blah blah... Electric Barracuda... until finally director Elia Kazan casts him as the lead in East of Eden originally named East Off 5th Carry On Down 'Till You See The Lights, Take A Left An' A Right An' You're There. Dean was unenthusiastic with the idea ideally wanting a role in a Major Bollywood Film. But after some White Castle & a million dollar contract deal he decided to take it. In later years, Dean would say "Heroin is a hell of a drug." And regarding his time on East of Eden he was quite agitated that his suggestions for "more ridiculously spontaneous song & dance numbers" went unheeded.

[edit] The Kittencaust and the End of Film Career

In 1955, in the wake of East of Eden, Dean was cast for a bit part in Giant but was not considered for a role which he felt "described him," that of a schizophrenic motorcycle enthusiast in Rebel Without A Cause. It had been given to Elvis Presley, and indeed, the majority had already been shot by the time Dean learned of the project. What followed is Hollywood legend. Dean spent 2 weeks gathering up every single cat he could find in New York City, placing them in the Blaine Hotel. When he claimed to have "thousands of cuddly kittens," he burned the entire hotel to the ground. Presley quit the project from depression, and thus Dean was used to re-shoot the entire film.

[edit] The Accident

Dean at the height of his sausage empire.

While driving to the premiere of Rebel, Dean reportedly "got lost" while driving and was found the following morning on the floor of a Las Vegas hotel room. Though there appeared to be no physical trauma, he inexplicable had gained a Southern accent. He would never act again.

[edit] Food Industry

Dean invented the sausage in 1962, supposedly inspired by a pornographic film he had seen. It was the greatest food succes since the twinky. Overnight Dean became a multimillionare. To celebrate, he bought two mansions. One was in Texas, the other in Morocco. He traveled between the two frequently, to "meet a variety of women."

[edit] Death

While on a trip between his two mansions, Dean's plane dissappeared on September 30, 1972. There are some conspiracy theories that state Richard Nixon orchestrated the assassination, but there has been no concrete evidence found. Dean's sausage empire continued to thrive, and his movies became more popular in the wake of his death.

[edit] Dean Sightings

Since his death, many people have reported seeing James Dean at various locations throughout the world.