From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Marijuana State of Jamaica
|Motto: Tek a draw off-a dis nuh man...|
|Anthem: Dutty Wine|
|Largest city||Fuck him up badman, mon|
|Official language(s)||Jameican, mon|
|Established||Since weed was invented|
|Currency||joints and spliffs, mon, northern lights weed, White Widdow, Buddah, Women|
Jamaica is the largest Caribbean state in Latin America. Ergo, Latin is the most common language spoken. Jamaicans themselves do not speak Latin however. Instead they speak British, because they are all a former British colony, some couple thousand years ago. They are affected by a thousand years to this day, during the Great Boston Tea Party. All the tea was thrown overboard and replaced with different plants. All Jamaicans are raised as plants since birth and are a very ancient Latin American culture where they do not drink tea. The first tea was discovered in Jamaica so they all speak backwards British, as aforementioned. It was discovered sometime in the late 20th century by a crew of African Con Artists led by Julian McKenzie and Ignatius Bobba Chunday Shola Abujundi Jr. 4 out of 5 scientists believe that it is actually not an island, but a distant moon of Jupiter. Jamaicans are well known for turning thier fingers into guns and repeatedly waving them up and down shouting BRAPP!! Sometimes they think that they can actually shoot bullets. Jamaica is best known as the source of what many consider to be the greatest joke in the English language, if not any language:
- 'My wife just went to the West Indies this year.'
- 'Oh, Jamaica?'
- 'No, she went of her own accord'
Jamaica GDP per capita was estimated to be one of the richest in the world, a record high estimated at $43.342 million per person in 2007. This record high statistic is quite fascinating as the unemployment rate in Jamaica is also at a record high, 99.9%. This is because 99.9% of Jamaican’s are either scammers or drug dealers, providing the best quality marijuana and hash brownies in the world.In recent days, the island of Jamaica has sunken. It's inhabitants along with 3 sea lions and 4 dragons of epic proportions had submerged themselves in order to push it back up. Once afloat the inhabitants placed a beach ball purchased at a CVS Pharmacy underneath the island to maintain its constant flotation. 300 years before the Earth was created, Jamaicans exported Jam to the slave owners in South Africa, and they were so successful with this they called them selves 'Jam-maker'. This was later translated to Jamaica, hence, Jamaica, jam we love.
Jamaica’s most played sport is bobsledding. A movie was made about this called “Cool Runnings”, however producing came to a stop when the actors worked out that they could get into a super high state otherwise known as “SUPER SAYAN MODE” if they filled the toboggan with marijuana and smoked it. After doing so, the became what is now known as The Gods Of Rome.
Another popular sport in Jamaica is cricket. Jamaica is represented there by multi-national team known as West Indies that has no real connection to India. Anyway best marijuana smokers are taken to that team and they are supported by tons of Jamaicans that are high on drugs. However, their best known player, Michael Holding has not ever use drugs. Weird.
Since royalties from this joke produce 56% of Jamaica's GNP, Jamaicans have long been on the lookout for another, better joke. Whilst several amusing bon mots have been developed concerning cricket, limbo dancing, Sean Paul, Rastafarians, marijuana, Olympic runners and the difficulty incured in finding a taxi in Kingston on a Saturday night, Jamaicans have yet to top the she-went-of-her-own-accord gag. Then one fateful night somebody cried out YUH MUMMA! and then instead of finding a new joke, they decided to create disses that 'Tell the victims of their mother' until a real joke could be found.
In recent years, Indonesia has tried to top the joke with one of their own:
- My wife went to the East Indies this year.
- Oh, Jakarta?
- Why yes, I used a wheelbarrow
However, leading joke critics consider this joke 'just sad'. Indonesia has been requested to not rip off Jamaican jokes and "mebbe take a dragga dis, mon." Jamaican guys think they are tough, but when it comes to a fight they get their friends into it while they sit back and watch.
After the Pope got rid of Limbo, the nearest thing was the Limbo dancing in Jamaica. Due to a Vatican Administration Policy all spiritual boarding passes of babies that where aborted or died during childbirth now end up in Jamaica instead of Limbo, as Limbo doesn't officially exist any more. So Jamaica imports a lot of dead babies and american whores, and the remainder are sent to Haiti. Whereupon they grow up to become Voodoo Zombies. Zombies love to dance to reggae drums.
|Countries and territories of North America|
| America: United States of America | Confederate States of America|
Canada: Canada | People's Republic of Canada | United States of Canada
Everyone else: Awesome land | Not So Awesome Land | Barbados | Cuba | Dominica | Dominican Republic | Haiti | Jamaica | Mexico | Tortuga | Trinidad and Tobago
|Acadia | Bermuda Triangle | Duchy of Björk | British Virgin Islands | Caribbean | Cayman Islands | Greenland | Gulf of Mexico | Martinique | Monkey Island | Orgasm | Pen Island | St. Pierre and Miquelon | Puerto Rico | Québec | Tropico | U.S. Virgin Islands | Wikiland|