Jacinda Ardern
Eight col jacinda funny
Political career
Order 40th Prime Minister
Vice President Winston Peters
Term of office 2017Indefinitely
Preceded by Bill English
Succeeded by Incumbent
Political party New Zealand Labour Party
Personal details
Nationality New Zealand
Date of birth 26 July 1980
Place of birth Hamilton Police Station
Date of death Please hold and we will be with you shortly
Place of death Mount Albert Electorate Volcano Sacrifice TBC
First Lady Feminism

“I simply don't accept that!”
~ Jacinda Ardern

J̶a̶c̶i̶n̶t̶a̶ Jacinda Ardern is the New Zealand media expert on providing advice for pregnancy and childbirth, dating fishermen, and simply not accepting things. Jacinda is also currently serving as the 40th "front teeth" (Prime Minister) of New Zealand.

According to Ardern, New Zealand really needs to "do better" by "doing this" and "let's do that", such as putting a tax on almost anything that can come to mind and spending the revenue on making said taxed, "better".

Ardern has featured on many women lifestyle magazines, such as "Women's Daily","Women's Weekly","Women's Fortnightly", and "Home and Garden". It is unknown to all males why many female New Zealand citizens are obsessed with the young, self-empowered, non-objectified, unoppressed, unmarried, pregnant, Prime Minister. Some men have taken to the comment section of to rant about the matter.

Personal Life Edit

Ardern owned a polydactyl cat named Paddles, named appropriately after stowing away on Clarke Gayford's fishing boat, chewing and damaging the outboard motor cables, and paddling the boat back to shore. During the first Month of Jacinda's term in office, DPS (Diplomatic Protection Service) officers in high paranoia, chased Paddles in a squad car mistaking it for a threat to the Prime Minister. After Running Paddles over, killing their beloved cat, DPS officers staged a civilian roadkill accident just outside Ardern's house. To this day, Jacinda and Clarke don't know truth behind Paddles's death.

Aaaaaaardern was raised from a young age as a member of the Church of Later Day Saints. She maintained her faith throughout her childhood until her later days in High School. This was the result of Ardern's f̶i̶r̶s̶t̶ s̶e̶c̶o̶n̶d̶ t̶h̶i̶r̶d̶ seventh Best Friend Forever who said that her opinions were "totally last week". Following this, Ardern actively seeked out a convincing reason to leave the Church. However, her plan was awkwardly derailed after the Church of Later Day Saints responded positively to the human rights of Homo sexuals. In the end, she just walked out the door.

Political Career Edit


Jacinda holding Neve Ardern-Gayford, next Labour leader in 2045 and Prime Minister. With Clarke Not-Kent-But-Gayford.

While commonly mistaken for a communist, Jacinda Ardern is a centre left liberal who identifies as a trigger for Baby Boomers, farmers, and students who just paid off their enormous student loans in fields that don't offer jobs.

Jacinda was taught as a Jedi Apprentice under Aunty Helen Clark during the 5th New Zealand Labour Government until 2008.

Skip forward 9 years of a memory blurr, Jacinda found herself becoming the leader of opposition and the Labour Party after her predecessor, S̶t̶e̶w̶a̶r̶t̶ Andrew Little, took all her fellow MPs out for lunch and mysteriously never returned.


Jacinda's chompers.

During the 2017 New Zealand General Election, Jacinda Ardern became the frenzy of the Media and secret National Party Spy, Mark Richardson. It is heavily speculated that Mark Richardson had made contact with Clarke Gayford, Jacinda Ardern's partner, and provided advice on how to get pregnant. It is believed this was a scheme of the National Party in an attempt to have Jacinda pull out of the election.

Jacinda has become well known for her employment of bearded hipster Diplomatic Protection Police, selfie pictures with university students, and going out for Fish ‘n’ Chips.

On the 23rd of September 2017, Jacinda and the Labour Party gained 36.89% of the general election vote. This to the New Zealand Public initially seemed like a loss for Labour. However, due to New Zealand's lack of mathematical skills, Winston Peters of the New Zealand First Party, went behind everyone's back and stole New Zealand's one and only Casio calculator. Winston used the add button and worked out that if he, Jacinda, and some tree hugging party all ganged up, they would beat the National Party to parliament.

Winston Peters however, found himself indulged in a heavy Netflix series and could not resist the increasingly tempting cliff hangers. Only when Winston ran out of seasons one month later, did he announce his allegiances.

Ardern was sworn in as Prime Minister using explicit language on the 26th of October 2017.