|Order||40th Prime Minister|
|Vice President||Winston Peters|
|Term of office||2017–Indefinitely|
|Preceded by||Bill English|
|Political party||New Zealand Labour Party|
|Date of birth||26 July 1980|
|Place of birth||Hamilton Police Station|
|Date of death||Please hold and we will be with you shortly|
|Place of death||Mount Albert Electorate Volcano Sacrifice TBC|
“I simply don't accept that!”
J̶a̶c̶i̶n̶t̶a̶ Jacinda Ardern is New Zealand's media expert for pregnancy, dating fishermen, and simply not accepting things. Jacinda is also currently serving as the 40th "front teeth" (Prime Minister) of New Zealand.
According to Ardern, New Zealand really needs to "do better" by "doing this" and "let's do that", a recent example seen when Ardern was featured flipping the bird to off shore oil companies.
Ardern has featured on many womens lifestyle magazines, such as "Women's Daily","Women's Weekly","Women's Fortnightly", and "Home and Garden". It is unknown to men why kiwi women are obsessed with the young, self-empowered, non-objectified, unoppressed, unmarried, pregnant, subsequent mother, Feminist Prime Minister. Some guys have taken to the comment section of stuff.co.nz to rant about the matter.
Personal Life Edit
J̶a̶k̶i̶n̶d̶a̶ Ardern owned a polydactyl cat named Paddles, named appropriately after stowing away on Clarke Gayford's fishing boat, chewing and damaging the outboard motor cables, and paddling the boat back to shore. During the first Month of Jacinda's term in office, DPS (Diplomatic Protection Service) officers in high paranoia, chased Paddles in a squad car mistaking it for a threat to the Prime Minister. After Running Paddles over, killing their beloved cat, DPS officers staged a civilian roadkill accident just outside Ardern's house. To this day, Jacinda and Clarke don't know truth behind Paddles's death.
Aaaaaaardern was raised from a young age as a member of the Church of Later Day Saints. She maintained her faith throughout her childhood until her later days in High School. This was the result of Ardern's f̶i̶r̶s̶t̶ s̶e̶c̶o̶n̶d̶ t̶h̶i̶r̶d̶ seventh Best Friend Forever who said that her opinions were "totally last week". Following this, Ardern actively seeked out a convincing reason to leave the Church. However, her plan was awkwardly derailed after the Church of Later Day Saints responded positively to the human rights of Homo sexuals. In the end, she just walked out the door.
Political Career Edit
While commonly mistaken for a communist, c̶o̶m̶r̶a̶d̶e̶ Jacinda Ardern is a m̶a̶r̶x̶i̶s̶t̶ centre left wing liberal who identifies as a trigger for Baby Boomers, farmers, and students who just paid off their useless and enormous student loans.
S̶u̶p̶r̶e̶m̶e̶ ̶L̶e̶a̶d̶e̶r̶ Jacinda was taught as a Jedi Apprentice under Aunty Helen Clark during the 5th New Zealand Labour Government until 2008.
Skip forward 9 years of a memory blurr, Jacinda found herself becoming the leader of opposition and the Labour Party after her predecessor, S̶t̶e̶w̶a̶r̶t̶ Andrew Little, took all her fellow MPs out for lunch and mysteriously never returned.
During the 2017 New Zealand General Election, C̶i̶n̶d̶y̶ Jacinda Ardern became the frenzy of the Media and secret National Party Spy, Mark Richardson. It is heavily speculated that Mark Richardson had made contact with Clarke Gayford, Jacinda Ardern's partner, and provided advice on how to get pregnant. It is believed this was a scheme of the National Party in an attempt to have Jacinda pull out of the election.
Jacinda has become well known for her employment of bearded hipster Diplomatic Protection Police, selfie pictures with university students, and going out for Fish ‘n’ Chips.
On the 23rd of September 2017, Jacinda and the Labour Party gained 36.89% of the general election vote. This to the New Zealand Public initially seemed like a loss for Labour. However, due to New Zealand's lack of mathematical skills, Winston Peters of the New Zealand First Party, went behind everyone's back and stole New Zealand's one and only Casio calculator. Winston worked out that if he, Jacinda, and some tree hugging party all ganged up, they would beat the National Party to parliament.
Winston Peters however, found himself indulged in a heavy Netflix series and could not resist the increasingly tempting cliff hangers. Only when Winston ran out of seasons one month later, did he announce his allegiances.
Ardern was sworn in as Prime Minister using explicit language on the 26th of October 2017.
Over March 2018, Jacinda kidnapped fired POTUS Barack Obama while he was visiting New Zealand. Ardern claimed this was a hormonal oversight during her pregnancy, but later fessed up that she was envious of John Key who had invited him to his house in the first place. Interviews with the former president later found that she had frequently asked him what "Bad things" former Prime Minister John said about her.
In September 2018 Jacinda Ardern was in disarray after she could not lookup "How to fire staff" into wikiHow due to fibre installations in the beehive taking a bit longer than expected. Ministers within cabinet used this to their advantage and committed some "umm... umm...only human" offences. National Party and leader of opposition Simon Bridges claimed this to be a lack of intelligence with the PM, yet when questioned by the media on his claims, spent hours refreshing wikiHow with the search term "how to comeback at good points".
During the 2018 United Nations General Assembly, J̶a̶l̶i̶n̶t̶a̶ Ardern started to recieve over twenty brand new New Zealand Passports from the department of Internal affairs. The department became confused over the official name of their Prime Minister after multiple United States News outlets had pronounced her name in the local American Language.