J. Robert Oppenheimer

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J. Robert Oppenheimer

“Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.”
~ J. Robert Oppenheimer on breaking wind in a confined crowded space
“Shut your bitch-ass up! You'll never take my job! And I'll see you in 1995, jerk!”
~ Death on J. Robert Oppenheimer
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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about J. Robert Oppenheimer.

J. Robert Oppenheimer (April 22, 1904 – September 20, 1995), a theoretical physicist, is considered to be the founding father of popcorn. Oppenheimer was born by c-section in Brazil to single father, Albert Einstein.

Birth
1904
The famous "accident"
1925
Invents microwavable popcorn
1961
Found bowtie
1973
       
    
1920
Graduated High School
1927
Receives Ph.D.
1971
Lost bowtie
1995
Death

Warning: Timeline not to scale

edit Education

Einstein oppenheimer

J. Robert Oppenheimer and his dad home schooling

J. Robert Oppenheimer was a home-school child. His father taught him everything he knew. After graduating, he attending the Ethical Culinary Society School and graduated with Humma Cum Larve honors. This is where he discovered he liked food, and was especially fond of snacks.

edit The First Pop

Popcorn burst

A closeup of the Popcorn Effect

J. Robert Oppenheimer was working on his thesis for his thermodynamics class. He took his father's work on quote, "a device for extracting energy from the atom and converting it into a tasty snack", and completed his father's dream - He discovered the Popcorn Effect. He theorized that if you add enough heat to a corn kernel, the atoms within the shell collide, causing an extreme nuclear reaction, which, in turn, causes an outwards burst of radiation, which causes the popcorn kernel to turn white and soft. He put his theory to test on a remote Pacific island, and the results were quite impressive; a 100,000,000 megaton explosion which destroyed the entire island, along with most of the Pacific Ocean. He got a 'B' on his thesis. He would have gotten an 'A', but his teacher had a Summer home on the island and wasn't very happy about the "accident". Oppenheimer decided that his Popcorn Effect was too strong, so he toned it down to only a 10 megaton explosion, which seemed to be a perfect balance to maximum white puffy popcorn, yet still be non-destructive and safe.

In addition to delicious food items, Oppenheimer was strangely fascinated by poetry, probably identifying with some poets like Bukowski's love of beer, sex and gambling, a love which Oppenheimer had inherited from his father, Einstein. His interest in poetry became so acute that fellow scientist Paul Dirac once criticized him for it, saying (and this is true) "The aim of science is to make difficult things understandable in a simpler way; the aim of poetry is to state simple things in an incomprehensible way. The two are incompatible." Oppenheimer responded to this by ambushing Dirac after a morning lecture, tying him to a chair in his house and reading him aloud Bob Dylan's entire Tarantula in his famous Bob Dylan impersonator voice and outfit. Three days later Dirac published one of the foundational papers on quantum electrodynamics. Coincidence? I think not.

edit Entrepreneur Days

Orville explode

Letterman's writers really need to come up with their own ORIGINAL ideas.

After graduation, J. Robert Oppenheimer opened his own popcorn production plant. His popcorn became popular in the 1950s when the TV was invented. It made a great snack that everyone enjoyed while watching TV. In the Spring of 1961, Oppenheimer discovered that using his invention, the microwave, the popping action happened quicker. His customers found this method to be quicker, cleaner, and much more convenient. Now they could pop popcorn during commercials!

edit Death

J. Robert Oppenheimer continued to operate his production line until September 20th, 902, when his body was found in a vat of popcorn oil. It is believed that he choked on a popcorn kernel, passed out, and fell in head first. Several years later, Oppenheimer's family sold the business along with its intellectual property for an undisclosed amount to the World Wide Pants corporation. Consequentially the name Explode-A-Pop (A for A-bomb) was changed to Explod-O-Pop. Explod-O-Pop is yummy.

His tombstone inscription reads "J. Robert Oppenheimer: He couldn't decide on a big pop or a big bang."

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