“Of course the moon's made of cheese - how else do you explain the holes and the yellow colour? The real question is, how can it not be cheese? It makes perfect sense.”
Throughout the ages, many have wondered what the moon is made of - some say rock, others say space dust, some even say highly comminuted anorthositic regolith, but one theory stands out above the rest: The possibility that the moon is made of cheese.
Just what type of cheese the moon is made from remains a mystery. Many assume, due to the craters, the cheese is some form of swiss variety. However due to the dry nature, it is much more likely a british stilton or maybe a wensleydale with cranberries.
In fact the first man on the moon, Aneeda Smith famously shouted, after taking the first man made bite out of the moon, "Wow this is cheese!" Good job Aneeda. She claimed she first sampled the moon believing the moon was one big button, to her dismay she was wrong.
All have wondered if the moon is made of cheese, if so, then where are the crackers, and does this make asteroids, jelly beans, because that would be awesome. Some say the moon's made out of dust, and rock, however, it has also been said that before human life came to earth, aliens landed, started a dairy farm, and attempted to break the universal, biggest cheese ball record. Unfortunately for them, Oprah Winfrey had already started a dairy farm of her own, and beat them to it. (Her moon, aka. "The Big O", is now located in the Sombrero Galaxy). Thanks to Oprah, now when someone asks you what the moon is made of, you can smile and say cheese.
The Man on the Moon TheoryEdit
According to recent evidence, as brought attention by Harvard graduate Tom Picklepuss, "The man on the moon is not real because the man would have died by now and the man on the moon is the moon's craters shaped like a face!"
|Swiss Cheese Theory||Man in the Moon Theory|
|Arguments For:|| - The moon consists of craters, much similar to that of swiss cheese.
- Occasionally the moon has a yellowish glow, which makes many people suspect that the moon may be a hybrid of cheddar, and swiss cheese.
| - If you look at the moon, you can see a man.
- Some say that Doctor Ivan is the moon's brother.
|Arguments Against:||- Yes, swiss cheese has divots but, how can we say the moon is made of cheese, simply because it resembles swiss.||- Men are only known to live in 3 places in the universe and the moon is not one of them.|
- Swiss Cheese comes from Swiss.
The BIG CHEESEEdit
Doctor Ivan was sadly burned down, just like the Man in the Moon, burned to death in a government consipiracy. His findings became a mixture of used toilet paper and cheese fondu. One day Doctor Ivan will get the recognition he deserves, but til then he's heading to the BIG CHEESE in the sky, which may just be the moon ... or it may not be.
One day, in the future, when man has bettered technology or when highly intelligent aliens with unusually large heads (for larger brains) are our masters we may found out the answer to the question "is the moon made of cheese?". But then where will it end? As mankind's thirst for knowledge about his environment and universe endlessly increases one asks the question, will humans (or aliens with large heads as it quite likely will be) discover everything there is to know and answer every question, causing their heads to asplode or implode from nothing to discover?
This author says yes and says that some questions are left unanswered. So to you, I bid good day.
P.S. Interestingly enough, the United States Space Catapulters' Guild says they discovered plenty of cheese on the moon by catapulting a mouse onto it. It is debatable whether it's Swiss cheese or Munster cheese, though, although a small faction thinks it's Monterey Jack.