Irish Road Atlas

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“Those bloody Irish! They're good for nothing! Oh...”

Welcome to Ireland, Paddy

Welcome to Ireland Paddy! We're so delighted to have you around in our lovely land of green meadows, sheep, whiskey and busted knee caps. Where all of the Paddies are friendly and kind, until you try to take away their beer, or their women. Not necessarily in that order.

So, you've chosen to travel around? And wisely so. But before you do, let us convey a few basic rules you need to understand when traveling in the land of Guinness.

No Confetti

Never ever sprinkle confetti, we don't care how happy you are. We don't care if it's your mother's birthday, your sister's wedding, you've had triplets or converted to catholicism. Confetti is considered to be extremely offensive in the Irish culture. Going all the way back to when the Vikings used to throw confetti alongside the roads, pillaging and burning houses to the ground. We repeat, NO CONFETTI!

Noconfetti
No confetti at anytime, Paddy
Wash your hands. Now.

We Irish value clean washed hands, at any time. A person with clean hands is considered beer worthy and will be embraced warmly into the Irish society. Remember - you can never wash your hands too much or scrub them too hard. Now, wash your hands.

Nowwashyourhands
Wash your hands Paddy! Now!
Stop and Pray

As we are a devout Catholic nation, all visitors must comply with mandatory praying stops. Upon encountering the following sign, all visitors must submit themselves to an immediate praying session. Make sure to perform a proper Catholic mass. We do not care if you're Jewish, Muslim or, heaven forbids, Protestant.

Stopandpray
In god's name, pull over!
Do Not Kick Road Barriers

Road barriers are tender beings, made with love and synthetic sheepskin. We kindly ask that you refrain from kicking them.

Roadbarriers
Keep your legs tucked Paddy!
Basically You're Fucked, Paddy

Upon seeing this sign you might as well give up and meekly await your unavoidable destiny. If the bus won't get you, the falling rocks will. So, might as well accept it Paddy. You're fucked.

Busrocks
Watch out from that bus! NO! I MEANT THE ROCKS! THE ROCKS!
Geill Sli

Ermmm...errr....ahh...emmm....Oh! Yes!!! Fuck you too!

Geillsli
Obey this sign! You...ermmm...should...yes! You should!
Seagulls are Bad

Do not walk on fire when seagulls are present. An old Irish prophecy states that "He who walks on fire when the white birds are in place, shall meet his doom promptly".

Seagulls
Seagulls are bad, M`kay?
Avoid Jumping Off the Cliffs During a Rock Slide

We would greatly appreciate avoiding jumping from a cliff during a rock slide. This will greatly reduce the amount of mess and gore we normally need to deal with. We thank you for your cooperation.

Rockslide
Now, is NOT the time to jump.
Reminder

We are more than happy to you where you are. This service is free of charge.

Youarehere
You're lucky not to be there.
Ireland honors Famine

Please feel free to visit our Famine wall, that was established in remembrance of all those poor souls who were banned to death by him.

Faminewall
Let us remember all those poor souls
New Laws & Regulations in Place

Following the very successful implementation of the smoking prevention laws all over the republic, the Irish government has decided to abolish Zionism from all public houses, government institutions and fish 'n chips parlors. Please refrain from practicing Zionism at any given time.

Zionism
Zionism can seriously damage your health
Game Over Paddy

You have either exhausted your funds or the national Guinness reservoir. Either way, you have nothing further to look for in Ireland. Game over, Paddy. Go home.

Gameoverpaddy
Game over man! Game over!
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