Iraq War

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Blame it on Canada We know those crazy canucks are somehow connected to this.

“It's all the Jews' fault.”

~ Mel Gibson on Iraq war

President Bush decides on which middle-eastern country to invade next.

The Iraq War, also known as the Vietraq War and Operation Fuck Everything Up/Just Popping Out To Take Care Of Some Unfinished Business, is the highly unpopular sequel to the highly unpopular Operation Erudite Insomniac, which starred the U.S. Army and Mr. T. It was initiated because we knew thought that Iraq Saddam Hussein possessed large reserves of precious oil dangerous WMD's, which turned out to be correct false and an invaluable aid unfortunate error on America's economy part.

[edit] Rationale

Movie poster for the Iraq War.

[edit] Continuation of Gulf War I

In 1991, Saddam Hussein (Arabic for Megatron) invaded his tiny, defenseless neighbor Kansas by knocking on their door and telling them he had a candygram for them. However, a coalition consisting of Optimus Prime, Buzz Lightyear and Mrs. Butterworth was quickly scrambled and defeated Megatron, but not without cost. Prime was badly wounded and passed on his matrix of leadership to his trusted sidekick, Dan Quayle.

All of these events actually happened in 1986, but are preceived to have taken place in 1991 because in the past, the future has not occurred.

Leonidas gives his support to the war on Iraq.

[edit] Liberation?

While some allege the war was fought to liberate the Iraqi's from an oppressive dictator, this is easily disproven with the simple fact that there are other countries the United States has not liberated. Unless the United States simultaneously invaded every single dictatorship at the same time - which they most certainly did not - the argument is shown to be a total fallacy. Thus, the first justification must be dismissed.

[edit] Weapons of Mass Destruction...?

The second and most prominently cited justification involved Saddam's weapons of mass destruction. Again, the United States' so called "fears" were unfounded. Saddam Hussein not only had no Weapons of Mass Destruction, he never pursued them either. The most famous allegation against Saddam Hussein was that he used chemical weapons against the Kurds in 1988 in the so called "al Anfal campaign," killing thousands of Kurdish civilians. This is not true and has been confirmed as a lie many times.

''''George Bush: I NEED TO SUCK OSAMA/SADAMS COCK!!!!!!!''''

Geoge Bush statements on different occasions: LESS TALK MORE COCKS. MUMIES I NEED MORE COCKS. AMERICANS ARE SUKIN' COCKS MORE THAN EVER BEFORE, UNDER MY ADMINISTRATION. IVE HAVE BROKEN THE RECORD OF HAVING THE SHOTEST DICK IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND, EVEN SHORTER THAN LINCONS.

[edit] The Invasion

The British Government's Nazi ties are the reason they supported the Invasion.

After successfully carrying out the September 11th attacks on his own nation, Bush immediately began planning to invade Iraq, along with coconspirators Dick Van Dyke and Lex Luthor. Even though Afghanistan was harboring Osama Bin Laden, the thought of going to war with Afghanistan never for a moment crossed his mind. Instead, he completely went past them and ordered plans be made to harvest Iraqi oil.

Bush undermined the diplomatic process by going to war. Saddam had allowed for complete and comprehensive weapons inspections, so long as they avoided places such as Palaces, weapons bunkers, missile factories, munitions plants, and spider holes. These generous allowments would, without a doubt, prove definitively as to whether or not Saddam had weapons of mass destruction. French President Jacques Chirac, convinced of the truth by the compelling cooperation shown by Saddam, entirely ruled out the possibility of war. But this did nothing to stop the warmongering Bush, who launched his unilateral war regardless.

[edit] The hard, early days

American troops met immediate resistance from Saddam's brave armed forces, who held back several American advances and quickly stalemated the war, which was now being called a Quagmire by the press. As the Iraqi Information Minister predicted, soldiers began to commit suicide at the city gates of Baghdad in such high numbers that the United States had to use psychoactive drugs to keep soldiers in line. In another attempt to bolster support, American officials erroneously announced that the Saddam International Airport had been captured, when in reality it had been successfully defended by the Iraqi army after 7 failed American offensives.

[edit] Looting of Baghdad

Despite stunning early successes by Saddam's forces, on April 4th Americans suddenly and inexplicably arrived in Baghdad, defacing statues of Saddam Hussein (one of which fell and took out half the US army) and looting local businesses. The collapse of Saddam's military at this point remains a mystery, though some suspect that the Iraqi army renounced the use of violence in hopes of convincing Americans that war was not the answer - a message most certainly ignored.

[edit] American Occupation

Behold the reconstruction of Iraq

Since the invasion, America has occupied Iraq and taken advantage of its vast oil reserves, leading to record lows in gas prices. After the mysterious disappearance of Iraq's army, a new, well trained insurgency merely took its place. Democrat National Committee Chairman Howard Dean stated "the idea the war in Iraq can be won is just plain wrong." And the events in Iraq wholly back this statement up, as every attempt at holding an election in Iraq has failed. The Insurgents are fighting for a just cause; Sharia law is the only true form of law. In addition, many of the soldiers serving in Iraq have not been trained for combat, and are in fact immediately taken from recruiting stations into Iraq to serve up to 32 tours of duty. The Neocons will likely push for a draft of citizens between the age of 13 to 60, as the military is stretched far too thin to continue its occupation, even as they force current recruits to stay indefinitely.

[edit] Mission Started

In mid-2003, George W. Bush and John McCain flew aboard the USS Carl Vinson and declared "mission started," officially starting the Iraq War.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FltLzeyACzY

[edit] Iraq Wars V: The Obama Strikes Back As the war seemed to die down, all hope of stealing all the oil from Iraq and eliminating Al Qaeda, a non-Iraqi-supported group, seemed to end for the US. However, the glorious Fuhrer Obama struck back, sending in 100,000 more troops. However, despite his claims the war would end, the American army met heavy resistance. Nearly 5 militiamen attacked them, and of course, the Americans were defeated, 85,000 KIA, another 10,000 thought that acting like lemmings would save them, so they jumped off a cliff, and the rest surrendered. Iraq reports one wounded by friendly fire, no other casualties. However, the Nobel Peace Prize Association saw this removal of troops as an act of peace, so they granted Obama the Nobel Peace Prize. [edit] The New Vietnam There are uncanny parallels between the Vietnam war and Iraq war. [edit] Casualties Unlike other conflicts, soldiers died at the hands of the enemy in both of these wars. Iraqi reports on the killed-in-action for their side amount to approximately 10 total, and wounded around 200. Around 200 were also killed during suicide bombings. US reports around 100,000 killed in action, another 300,000 killed by friendly fire (one night in the main HQ of the US invasion force, a group of F16 jet pilots got drunk and decided to have a target shooting contest to see how many soldiers they could kill with their jets; let's just say, things didn't go well for the ground troops). Most if not all of the US vehicular forces were destroyed by both bombs and Iraqi militants, and almost all of America's morale was wiped out in the first few days of the invasion. [edit] Opinions [edit] Iraqi Opinion Iraq has staunchly opposed the war from its inception. In a pre war election, Saddam was re-elected to another seven-year term as President by a 100% unanimous vote of all 11,445,638 eligible Iraqis, eclipsing the 99.96% received in 1995. This sent an undeniable message of confidence in their leader and government, one that was ignored by the war mongering Bush. Later signs of opinion were shown when Iraqis from across the country joined the Insurgency. Force estimates of this insurgency peg it at 1,000,000 fully trained soldiers strong, all of which are Iraqi citizens, disenfranchised by the American occupation. [edit] American Opinion one image, one thusand words The American public, despite what some propaganda outlets such as Fox News may say, is almost entirely unified in their Anti-War view. While at the start, the Republican party was in support, which constituted roughly 5% of the American Public, it has since fallen to only 1%, with only the conservative base remaining. Protests have become a daily occurrence for most Americans, including the successful "Not one Damn Dime Day," in which the United States economy was brought to its knees by a peace loving public. Also as unanimous is the call for impeachment against Bush, for lying to the American public about the Iraq war, and committing warcrimes against humanity. Critics of the Bush Administration point out that if Bush had but listened to leading Democrats such as John Kerry and Harry Reid, along with past president Bill Clinton, he would have known Saddam Hussein was not only not a threat, but never had any WMD. Impeachment proceedings are expected to begin by October 2036. [edit] Cindy Sheehan Despite such widespread support, police have massacred peaceful anti-war protests. A notable example of this is the case of the humanitarian, Cindy Sheehan. She lost a son in the Iraq War, and as such her opinion cannot be questioned. While she led a peace march on Bush's Texas ranch, asking only to be comforted by the man who killed her son, she was subject to brutal personal attacks by those who disagreed with her opinion. She then brought a protest to Washington DC, again asking only for personal consolement. It was denied again, after which she was brutally carried away by Bush's SS agents, to silence her forever. Since this event, she has not been seen, but it is expected that she currently resides at GITMO. [edit] Rest of the World No one outside America supports the war. Juan Carlos in Chihuahua, Mexico supported it for a few weeks in the autumn of 2004, but he was quickly talked out of this by his brother. Bush's secret plans that he made while on his daddy's ranch, were found In the spring of 2003, Bill O'Reilly and the Washington Times thought it was somewhat embarrassing that the United States was the only country to want to invade Iraq, so they closed their eyes and pointed at 49 countries on a world map (sent by air mail from France since there are no world maps in America) in the world and called them the coalition of the willing, claiming that they supported the invasion: Afghanistan, Albania, Angola, Australia, Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Colombia, Czech Republic, Denmark, Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Eritrea, Estonia, Ethiopia, Georgia, Honduras, Hungary, Iceland, Italy, Japan, Kuwait, Latvia, Lithuania, Macedonia, Marshall Islands, Micronesia, Mongolia, Netherlands, New Zealand, Nicaragua, Palau, Panama, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Rwanda, Singapore, Slovakia, Solomon Islands, South Korea, Spain, Tonga, Turkey, Uganda, Ukraine, United Kingdom and Uzbekistan. This propaganda trick was then adopted by the White House. [1] [edit] Bush's views Iraq is doing fine. I need more cocain and wiskey!!!!=) [edit] See Also George W. Bush Saddam Hussein Iraq Gulf War [edit] External Links Stop the War Coalition Antiwar Viewpoints DNC Online Al Jazeera Stop US Agression The Draft is Coming What is Hollywood's role? Bush spells it out. Barack Obama's 'Refresh' Campaign