“Europe... Is that a country?”
“Actually, it is now. Thanks for asking.”
So an American, a Canadian and two Europeans are in a bar- this is not a joke! Why is it that every time someone mentions a few ethnic people and bar they automatically assume it’s a joke? But then… they were frequently made the butt of a joke…
The American, Canadian and Europeans
Europe was invaded by only 4 brave men and a woman.
Malty Murry- an Englishman who has pointed out to Americans his whole life that Europe is not a country. He helped during the uniting of Europe with his superior knowledge in the fine arts of blowing shit up.
How It Was Done
Well, before we talk about the chronology of the conquest, I think it would be best to learn how this all came to be. Basically, the four friends were sitting around in their hotel suite drinking some beer, when they realized that no European country had a decent army. At which point they spent several minutes joking about how they would do it.
But little did the three of them know that the fourth was starting to get pretty serious amidst the discussion. The next day when Dom approached them, they were quite convinced.
Dom Goes to Russia
Several maps and days of research later, the four decided that they would pay a visit to the most powerful neighbor near by…Chuck Norris. But of course Chuck Norris was in Iraq beating the crap out of Saddam Hussein, so Russia would have to suffice
But unfortunately, Vladimir Putin would not comply, which meant Gandhi’s powers would be put to the test as he would try to persuade the prime minister of Russia.
Did he? No, he didn’t.
Actually, we do not know. Nobody knows what happened in that room when the two were alone. Did the Doc seduce him? All we know is that when Vladimir came out of that room he was grinning, his shirt was loose and that he had a bruise on that thick, bald head of his. A tree was planted in St. Petersburg in honor of Gandhi.
Assault on Finland
After loads of research and stuff you probably don’t care about, Gandhi, Murry, Dom, Turn and a obeying Vladimir Putin decided that their first move should be to attack Finland. This was an excruciating procedure that involved years of thinking and planning… which only took six months.
After five months of fighting, Gandhi had zombified Putin, reminded them that Finland once belonged to Russia, after which Finland gave kossu that he admitted his terrible fear of Finns and eventually committed suicide with an empty bottle of Koskenkorva.
Turncloak Proves That She is a Better Tactician Than Gandhi and Murry Put Together
Turncloak proves that she is a better tactician than Gandhi and Murry put together. Dom is naturally the best.
After Finland was theirs, Dom got drunk and said that they should go after bigger prizes like Germany, France and all those other big ass countries because it would give them the advantage over size. But then Turn said that he didn’t seem to have the advantage over size either, which made Dom shut his mouth. Dom was notoriously short.
So, with Murry’s weapon knowledge and Turncloak’s tactical prowess, they were able to devise a plan to capture all the smaller countries of Europe that border Russia, at which point Dom drunkenly proclaimed, “All your base are belong to us.”
So, while all those countries were sleeping, the Russian border patrol let millions of Russians and Finlanders across, killing any awaking enemies, and by the time Dom, Gandhi and all those other countries woke up, there was a either a flag of Russia or Finland in every city capital that bordered Russia. And yes, that means you too, Sweden.
Germany Doesn’t Get a Clue
One day, Putin, by which of course I mean Gandhi, got a letter from Germany informing them that they were going to attack Poland. Dom saw this as a threat, but the other three convinced them that as long as Germany didn’t know of their initial goal, that they were safe.
So, all the united countries were easily able to plant their flags in Poland in the matter of months.
Hey Wait, What About Norway?
Sweden attacked them after they submitted to Russia. The end.
Germany Still Doesn’t Get a Clue
Three years later, as things were starting to quiet down, the four were informed that Germany had successfully invaded and conquered all those tiny countries between France and Germany that nobody really cares about.
Britain Craps Their Pants
Turncloak Once Again Proves She’s a Tactical Genius
So, Turncloak, being a tactical genius, made her troops don the military attire of Canadians and Americans. To those that opposed at first, she reminded them that the Germans had done something similar.
Mean while, three days later, there was a mock battle on the islands where the pretenders pretended to fight the so-called opposition with fake blood, fake bullets and fake explosions with fake ships and fake props.
But by the time the British found out the truth it was too late and the enemy had already surrounded them. However, they kept their dignity and fought for one more day, one more hour, 36 minutes and 27.25 seconds before they surrendered to the Russian might.
So the majority of Europe is now under Dom’s control, with the smaller countries crumbling under Russia’s might, there seems to be no hope for those who oppose, unless, of course, the Americans and Canadians were to be involved. But that won't ever happen, will it? Yeah. Never.
By now, Dom has established himself in the former United Kingdom, treating himself with the royals of Europe in his newly acquired palace with his three companions, but we’ll get to that later.
Anyways, as I was saying, the majority of Europe had fallen to the might of the Russians, who were really controlled by Gandhi, Finland, France and all those other nations that complied or eventually did, including the clueless Germans. Who still thought they’d be getting a piece of the prize when really he was just their pawn.
And so, Italy and Greece, knowing their dilemma, took the less dignified road and surrendered in person to Dom himself in his royal palace, but then they realized that he was really some fat guy with a fake crown on his head, whose name happened to be Dom as well.
So when they got there, Dom announced that he’d be holding a conference for all the leaders of Europe, friends and enemies both, to discuss the economy, which really meant it was a conference to make them his wards and to give himself the rest of Europe.
King Dom the Good
His Royal Highness has only been King for a short while, but that time has been one of extreme wealth and prosperity for the United Europe, in fact, things are much better now than they were before he took his seat.
Also, it should be noted that His Grace was loving and generous enough to legitimize his base-born triplet sons, Ted, Ked and Ned. Although, some question whether or not they should ascend the throne before Dom's first born son.
Your Mum-Sex Slave
Robert Mugabe-Political Adviser
Smo - Sexier Sex Slave
Coach Z - Ass-Kicker/Physical Work-out Adviser
and many many more.
He has been experimenting with titles, such as: "PopeKing", "KingPope", "Holy Highness", and "Highpopeness". He is hoping the all knowing Gandhi will help him.
Following the conquest of Europe and Asia, the lady Turncloak decided to make her home in what used to be [France]. Lounging in the lovely halls of her palace, Countess Turncloak has a number of suitors, butlers, and others to tend to her every need. She is however, riddled with STDs and as such is doomed to fail.