Interociter

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“I lost 30 pounds on Interociter.”
~ Oscar Wilde on the Interociter


Interocitor

The Interociter, here being used for its Voice chat and Webcam functions.

The Interociter is a high-tech device of the future that can be used for many different and helpful purposes. A veritable Swiss Army Knife of a tool, it is capable of everything from communications to firing a death ray. The future is packed tightly into these wonderful machines. Every Interociter is supplied as a make-it-yourself kit with easy-to-follow instructions. While very few individuals can successfully assemble an Interocitor, anyone can operate it by simply inserting the intensifier disc and turning the control 18 degrees to the left.

edit Market Competition

Rumor has it that Apple was going to create the first iNterociter, but someone beat them to it. Instead, the corporation moved on to build the iPod, which remains the Interociter's biggest competitor to this day, though not fitted with a death ray. The major competitive difference between the two is that the iPod is mostly portable, whereas the Interociter is predominantly stationary.

edit Functions

  • Voice chat
  • Webcam
  • Telephone
  • Television
  • Laserdisc player
  • Internet-ready
  • Pre-installed spyware
  • Death Ray (Long or Short Distance)
  • Closed-Circuit TV/Security Camera (CCTV)
  • .MP3, .WMA, and .M4a compatibility, capable of holding 2013912 songs
  • Cooks Toaster Pastries, makes hot chocolate and warms syrup without burning them
  • AM/FM CD Player
  • Radiation Chamber
  • Automatic Pilot for small aircraft, usually for single passenger - works with single engine or jet aircraft
  • Atom Storage Box
  • Soft-Serve Ice Cream Machine
  • "Snapples caps off any sized bottle or jar, and it really, really works!"
  • Microwave Oven
  • Tool for removing stones from a horse's hooves.
  • A device for extracting the truth from any given statement.
  • A strange little spiky tool with no apparent purpose.

...it even comes with a free Garth Brooks CD.

edit User Testimonials

Diamond

This is an example of the (still experimental) Interociter 2.0, which should revolutionize the world as we know it. Release date still unknown. Some fans have already claimed a preference for the Original Interociter.

“Interociter improved my golf game!”
~ Tiger Woods on the Interociter
“Interociter improved my sex life”
~ Bill Clinton on Interociter
“I made $10,000 with my Interociter”
~ Ron Popiel on Interociter
“Oooooohhhhhhhh!”
~ Your Mom on an Interociter
“Interociter makes me feel more like a woman!”
~ Anonymous on Interociter
“Um,... I really enjoy watching people use their Interociter.”
~ Derek on Interociter
“Especially Baby Bob!”
~ Derek on Interociter
“Thank you, Interociter!”
~ Crow T. Robot on Interociter
“Interociter makes me feel more like a woman.”
~ Michael Jackson on Interociter
“If that ass Ron Popiel hadn't stolen it from me, I would've been rich!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Interociter
“Are you making an Interocitor?!?”
~ Landlady (who is pissed) on Interociter

edit Optional Extras

  • Volterator
  • Electron Sorter
  • Miss Interociter
  • Tool for removing stones from a tool for removing stones from a horse's hooves.
  • Anti-vandal bot.

edit Ordering your Interociter

To get your Interociter, simply contact your normal distributor of XC condensors. The Interocitor Supply Company will intercept your order and send you a catalog made of a substance that may or may not be paper. At which point, you may order all of the parts required for the model of Interociter you are building. Instructions are included and you may begin building your very own Interociter.

Warranty void if original parts are stepped on during the assembly process, lost, or replaced with third-party materials. The Interocitor Supply Company has no contact information or return address on their corrospondence. USE ONLY GENUINE INTEROCITOR PARTS.

It is vitally important to adhere to the End User Agreement. Failure to do so can result in destruction of the Interociter manual, self-terminating of the Interociter itself, or personal injury or death at the discretion of an Interociter Supply Company Customer Service Agent.

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