Internet drinking

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Internet drinking is a process in which people are drinking while maintaining contact only through the internet. By using modern technologies and software, people are able to drink while being safely at home. So to say, they are liberated from the unpopular tasks which occur at the end of all drinking séances, like getting home, having to speak with other people asking the way, paying for the alcoholic beverages or trying to find some place to eat junk food.

edit History

Internet drinking is a new phenomenon which has appeared just few years ago. The first recordings can be found at the forum of an unnamed university in an unnamed state, where an unnamed person wrote

„Během zkoušek se kurva opijeme na sračky, ať ti zkurvení učitele vidí, že nejsme nějaký posraný loseři.“

which can’t be translated without the permission of the Children Rights for the Swear Words Free Nation (CRSWFN), though you may find the English word “loser” at the end of the sentence. You might have not noticed the word, because you are either already drunk, or you realized the word is conjugated by the rules of this unnamed language. Translation can be found here: ID founding sentence.

This quote was noted on 25th of May of 2005 and so this day is celebrated as the International Internet Drinking Day (IIDD). Some historians are though disagreeing with this, arguing that the sentence itself can’t be generally accepted as an internet drinking sentence (main antagonist is professor Fiedler from Vienna) But luckily, number of these contradictory voices is diminishing.

edit Process

No Wikipedia
Because of their so-called intelligence, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will never have a proper article about Internet drinking. We are sorry for their blatant retardedness.

Firstly, Internet Drinkers (ID) must bring their alcohol from local store to their place. Usually they bring wine, beer or some type of more alcoholic beverage, such as vodka or rum. Then, they start their communication programs or web pages, specially programmed for this occasion, such as Skype, ICQ, Facebook or Gmail. Functions like “multichat” or “conference call” are most appreciated.

Then they start the drinking. Usually it takes several glasses or shots before people get to the right drinking mood, but it isn’t too much different from the classical drinking party. According to the surveys, people get drunk when they have more than 0.1% of ethanol in blood. This level of alcohol was monitored in the blood of drunken toddlers in the unnamed country research.

During Internet drinking, it is also necessary to maintain contact with other people. Maintaining contact is very important drinking feature that people usually search for when starting their careers of drunkards. We can also tell this form the fact people also search company while getting drunk in the pub or classroom. So realizing this and taking into account ID’s appreciation for the real drinkers, social contact is a crucial component of every internet drinking. To fulfill this human-touch request, already mentioned programs or social networks are used.

edit Typical ID

Internet drinkers are usually university students at the age of 20 to 25, as the recent study suggests.
Nerd-me-photo-300x276

Typical ID in drinking position

Internet drinking is localized in this group mainly because its members belong to the generation which is for a one thing capable of using internet interface and, for the other, open to new experiences. Nowadays technology interconnects with culture and social environment and they are witnesses of this fusion. They want to live it to their best, to the maximal potential it brings. Internet offers its users opportunities to get laid, to get university degree, to get food without stepping outside of the room. This generation wants to push it, they want to move forward.
Drunken conversation
They ask themselves: “Can we get drunk through internet?” and almost immediately answer with the motto: “Yes we can!” which was adopted by Barack Obama during presidential election of 2008. IDs are usually (see Trends in Internet drinking) drinking freely at home with no feelings of shame or discomfort because there is nobody who can see them.

edit Language IDs use

IDs usually use their own language to communicate, but sometimes they switch to other languages they are at least a little skilled at. The most favorite languages are English, French and Gibberish. They scribe what they want to say to the UI of the programs they use and to the people they are with on the Internet Drinking Party (IDP od PID for the Praguers). Sometimes, they also scribe to the various internet forums where they try to humiliate or insult unknown people. In these cases, they use very dirty language. Nobody knows why.

edit UI of ID

IDs have various choices of software to use for the Internet drinking. The most popular are programs specially made for this occasion, constructed to be able communicate and to humiliate you in the same time, so IDs
Passadrink

Application developed by facebook to help IDs to get drunk

can feel just like getting drunk with their friends in public. Programs made for this are:
  • Instant messengers (ICQ, Miranda IM, QIP)
  • Skype
  • Web applications (Facebook)
Instant messengers have the disadvantage of not being able to recognize whether the person on the other side is either already drunk or pretending to be drunk. Next possible scenario is that you are already drunk so you couldn’t tell the difference anyway. Also, some people look like being drunk, but they are actually not. These people we call “jerks”. The main signs of having drunken person on the other side of the connection are: misspelling the words, correctly spelling wrong words or spelling wrong words incorrectly. The greatest advantage of IMs are automatic history save and ability to read it and use it afterwards. If you have this option
Facebook drunks

Facebook Internet drinking campaign

canceled in your settings before you start Internet drinking, then you are one of the mentioned “jerks”.

Skype is very useful program for Internet drinking, but unfortunately it lacks video save. Nevertheless conference call is an extremely useful feature and you should learn to control it by heart because you won’t be able to control it by mind when you are in the end of Internet drinking game.

Facebook is probably the most frequently used tool by IDs all over the world. When bosses of FB heard of growing base of IDs, they even started to modify the facebook environment to their advantage. This included several applications, everlasting tags on photos taken by webcams, drunken face recognition system and so on. Facebook even started its own campaign to drag over IDs from using other software or web applications.

edit Pros and Cons

Pros

  • You don’t have to leave your place
  • You can do other things meanwhile
  • You can drink in the bed

Cons

  • Internet can fall in front of relatives
  • You puke on your own floor
  • You have to drink the booze you already have at home
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