Internet-speak

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Pieeater

Research shows that 99.9% of people who type in Interweb-§p3@k are fat-handed, slack-jawed idiots.

“AOL is teh ghey!”
~ Oscar Wilde on AOL
Internet-Speak, more commonly represented as Interweb-§p3@k by followers of Al Gore (the inventor of the Interweb), is a written language developed as a joint project between AOL and Microsoft. The project started because Microsoft realized that the only thing more secure than encryption was to create a new language. It the only usable form of communication on the Internet, and one of the official languages of Angola.

Origins

Msn

A typical “Chat Speak” conversation.

“ ROFL LMAO!!! brb”
~ 12 year old on Chat Speak

Internet-speak (or Chat Speak), most commonly practiced by the species 'teenager', is more than a form of reproduction. For some, it is a way of life. It reflects their ability to slowly drill into their victims' heads and cause unimaginable pain.

The longer chat speak has been around, the more it has evolved and formed into a revolution of illiterate lingo spoken by most teenagers. Don't think its more commonly used by those who generally have writing difficulties through no fault of their own, no. these illiterate barbarians of todays writing world do it intentionally just to piss the rest of the world off. In this way, chatspeak is similar to many other rituals 'teenagers' practice.

Unfortunately, due to a rising number of OAPs, teenagers and their language are dying out. These grannies compete with teenagers for attention and batter them with handbags mercilessly. A special trust has been set up for the protection of teenagers where they can live peacefully in a granny-free environment called Sheffield.

Here they can roam free in their Burberry attire and terrorise the rest of the population of this pretty town happily, their activities unhindered by old ladies.

Background

EmoticonScientist

Al Gore invents Internet


Before delving into the much more complicated and severely illogical language of Internet-speak slang, remember to observe these helpful tips.

  • Misspell, abbreviate and substitute words with numbers to try to save time as often as possible, even if you must stop and spend time figuring out how to shorten the amount of time you spend typing. "Do u no how 2 spel lik a freek?" is a perfect example. Gramatically the sentence makes no sense but you are to assume the addressee of the sentence will instantly decipher and appreciate your more confusing version of talking.
  • Never, ever spell things correctly. Failure to comply to this rule could lead to being branded a huge square as well as being blocked by 95% of your contact list.
  • When you can remember to, double the last letter of all your greetings and salutations (like heyy and byee). By so extending your greeting, so you lessen the time for which you have to actually engage in prose with the alternatively-intelligent second party.
  • When you don't know what to say, say things like "lol", "lmao", "rofl", and so on.
  • If you feel you aren't contributing enough to the conversation, say things like "lol", "lmao", "rofl", and so on.
  • When you find something amusing, say things like "lol", "lmao", "rofl", and so on.
  • Expression to the negative can be substituted with suitably confused interjections: "huh?", "wtf?" and various smilies should suffice. Note that question marks are not often understood by such proletariat conversation partners, and may exacerbate further their already-profound confusion.
  • Do weird things with dashes, slashes, gizmos and Mormons in sorry attempts to recreate emotional faces. These include things like -.- ^_^ and #~+@??. These so-called "emoticons" are often used in place of real words, for when vocabulary fails these otherwise quite loquatious people.


This is a list of both complete and abbreviated Internet slang.

Guide to Internet-Speak

Many interweb-speaking users will revert to short acronyms in a manner only otherwise used by programmers who wish to purposely obfuscate their code with meaningless variable names. The main reason for such proliferous use of shorthand is to avoid embarrassment on the part of the receiver, who would thus be spared the full force of these lurid acronyms if they did not already know their meaning.

Thus we list them here for you in all their grossly offensive glory.

Dirtypope

The Pope and a nun using internet-speak.

0-9

2 - Two
4 - Short for 42 for lazy people
8 - Turned buttocks
42 - 40 + 2 or 21 × 2 or 44 - 2 or 23 ÷ 2 or 6 × 6 + 6, considered to be an evil number
1337 - Uncool, pronounced "one three three seven".
31337 - Very uncool, pronounced "very one three three seven".

A

ABC - Always Been Crippled
AFAIK - Accept Fellatio; And I Kneel
AFK - Aohn Fitzgerald Kennedy
AOL - An Online Legend
ASL - I want to have sex with you (corruption of "'Ay, Sexy Lady!")

B

B4 - our evil robotic overlord is among us.
BBQ - Beans Be Quick
BF - Bernard Finster
BFF - Boring Fake Friend
BRB - Begone, Rotten Bastard
BTW - Boating is the Way

C

CYA - Choose Your Ass (used for group anal cybersex)

D

DIAF - Do It Again Fucker

F

Fav - Feeling a vibrator (traditionally not typed in all capital letters)
FOAD - Fucker of All Dude(tte)s

G

Gtfowl
G2G - Got two (2) Goats
GF - Goat Fanny
GTFO - Goats Trample Farmers 'Orses.

H

Hgu - Hugs for ppl (people)

I

IANAL - I Anal (literal, as a description of sexual preference)
IMHO - In My Ho (offered as an explanation of not responding to IMs*)
IMO - Invisible Makes Out

J

JK - John Kerry

K

KISS - Keep It Sophisticated, Slimeball

L

PrcLmao
LMAO - Leave it to Mao (Tse Tung)
LOL - Leather Or Lace?
LULZ - Licking You, Licking Zucchini

M

MSN - My Stupid Neighbor

N

n00b - (A title of great respect)
newb - (A title for long-time users)
newbie - (A title for very, very, very long-time users, as well as administrators)
Nubian princess - A variation of the insult newbie
Nuff - Some guy

O

OETS - One Eyed Trout Slap, often paralleled to mushroom stamp
OLO - Oh, Like Oats?
OMG - Ouch, My Groin
OMFG - Ouch, My Fellating Girlfriend
OMGWTF - Obviously My Gratitude We'll Tastefully Forgo
OMGWTFWJDBBQ - Hola, Martinique! Greg is Waiting To Find out Why Julie Didn't Bake Breaded Quail (uncommon)

P

PEBKAC - Pirates Exist Between Kansas and California
Pwn3d - To win in an unconventional way
Pwned - Toilet activities

Q

Q00u - Upside-downness

R

Woot

And you probably thought they memorized theses things!?

ROFL - Reach out for Lube
ROFLMAO - Really Onto Feeling and Licking Mao Zedong
ROTFL - Receiving of The Fine Lovin' (* as above)
ROTFLMAO - Really Onto Touching, Feeling, and Licking Mao Zedong
RTFM - Repeat the First Message

S

STFU - Superior Tank Force Ultron

T

TTYL - Extreme bastardization of titilating. As in: "This conversation is far too titilating. I must terminate it now."

U

U - Uranium
Ur - Urinal rings (traditionally not capitalized)

W

w/e - With Eggs
WHOAMG - Why Hate Orange and Musty Grapes?
W00T - Want Oranges Or Tangerines?
WTF - World Trade Farmhouses (Expression of disbelief)
WWJD - Waffles with Jelly Donuts (standard reply to "What did you have for breakfast?")

X

XD - Extreme Donkeys
XFD - Extremely Freakish Ducks

Y

YMMV - Yonder Mitten - Mare Vitrium (An ancient and occult summoning call for calling forth freemasons)

Z

ZB - Zany Balls (or ZombieBaron for those using IRC)
ZIG - Zestfully Invigorating Gown (Often used during cybersex, as in the phrase "Take off every ZIG.")
ZOMG - (A derogatory term used to describe Black People)

See also

Interweb-§p3@k

1337 - AFAIK - AOL - B4 - BBQ - BF - BRB - BYOB - CYA - Ew - FOAD - G2G - GG - IDK - IMO - JK - Lmao - LOL - MILF - MSN - n00b - Nuff - OMG - OMGWTF - OMGWTFBBQ - OWNED - PWNED - ROFL - ROFLWAFFLES - ROTFL - RTFM - STFU - TTYL - U - WEIRD FONT - Weird font - W00T - WTF - WWJD - XD - ZOMG

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