International Organization for Standardization

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Iso

A roller-coaster of a right riveting read. You just got to love ISO. It's OVER 9000!

“This was rarely interesting and never funny”
~ Oscar Wilde on this article
“Interesting”
~ Steve Davis on Snooker ISO procedures

The International Organization for Standardization (ISO) started out as a youth movement in 1947, when a foreign student in the United States misinterpreted the imperial gallon for an imperial galley, and thus scored rather badly on math exam with his argumentation on the consequences of imperialism, which was later published in the New York Times. He started the Anti American Measurement System Movement (Anti AMS Movement), and gathered solid support, especially from other math dropout students, who felt a grudge against the American Mathematical Society (AMS). However a couple of days later the group had sobered up, and decided to take a trip to the beach. Later that day they returned, and went home to go to sleep. What they didn't know was that the house was built upon a volcano, which was about to erupt. Luckily for them, Oscar had forgot to turn off the gas, and the house exploded in a huge fireball, before the volcanic eruption.

Totally unrelated to that occurrence, a group of religious researchers started the International Organization for Standardization, with an intention to standardize the life of Jesus. However, halfway through the bible, they had still not found any valuable information, and concluded that Jesus did not exist. They contacted a math professor who had proved this, but it turned out he did not remember were he put the napkin he wrote it on.

As a result of this the math community became interested in ISO, and to standardize the numbers. After a long debate they decided upon the sequence 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42. This was instantly boycotted by the USA, because neither 13 nor 50 included. However, as the scientists pointed out, it was rather ridiculous to include 13 in a number system, as it was not used very much. Also, they argued, too many numbers would just confuse people. After some more debate, and with valuable contributions from Douglas Adams, they decided to further reduce the number system to only include 42, seeing as this is the answer to life, the universe and how to microwave popcorn.

Davis

OK, I give up trying to find an interesting picture about ISO, so here is a picture of Steve Davis

Others believe that ISO was started by Bob Dylan, Gandhi, Hugh Jackman, Oscar Wilde and Pontius Pilatus, or the holy five as they liked to call them self (no one else did). Pilatus was later evicted from the group because of killing Jesus and not being able to pronounce the letter r. This lead them to change their name to the holy four, or the fabulous four.

“I fart in your general direction”
~ Oscar Wilde on farting. Later adapted by Monty Pyton

All this exhausting standardization work was brought to a halt by World War II. It turned the groups attention toward war, and is generally seen as the main event leading to ISO 13768. As one of the most prominent ISO standard, ISO 13768 has among other things met Queen Elisabeth II. It is a standard for war time behavior. This has later been adapted by the UN in the not as well known Geneva convention.

The very existence of ISO was threatened when a group of Arabian rocket scientists went to Trondheim (at that time the capital of Europe) in order to standardize butter and margarine. This subject was strictly taboo inwards in ISO, and divided the organization. The scientists concluded that butter was the only decent ingredient to use in order to fry food, but the opposition, later categorized as muslims, did not approve of this, and decided to combat the rocket scientists. Prominent politicans, such as Ernest Hemingway and George Clooney, where also involved in this fight, uncertain on which side. The X-Files tried to solve the mystery by stalking around Guantanamo, but as alwas ended up at Area 51, also known as Fox Mulders favourite tavern.

Following the number dispute and Mulders drinking problem, American government started an immense campaign to warn their citizens against the ISO conspiracy. However, many analysts stated that this was a strategy to spread fear in the population and thus justify a war on ISO, which was believed to be a country somewhere around India, with huge amounts of the strategic and deadly resource broccoli. The war plans were later put aside as no one could point out India on a map. Some claimed that it was the home country of the Native Americans, before they fled to the United States upon the arrival of monster bees, but this was not confirmed. It has later been disputed if India even exists, and leading scientists are looking into the matter.

At that point the ISO had grown so powerful that it answered American hostility with developing a standardized map where they excluded the USA, upon which the country seized to exist.

In recent years the organization has ruled the earth with an iron fist, but some revolutionary groups still combat the oppressor. Among these are the neptimalists, who disapprove the idea of standardization, or any other efforts of optimization. They have strong support in military circles, however detained by a rather overwhelming laziness.

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