International Monetary Fund

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The International Monetary Fund or IMF is the collective name given to the pool of financial aid donated by and received by member countries worldwide. The actual fund itself is located 300 meters under Wrexham, Wales, and is only accessible by drill.

IMF Projects

The IMF has been involved in a number of controversial projects during its life, far outweighing the number of sensible ideas with which it has been involved. It is also a supporter of free trade.

The Chief Groveler (CG) of the IMF is appointed bi-annually by the U.S. President.

Dutch Pasta Crash

In 1977, €3.3m was spent on the recovery of the Dutch "lasagne exchange", after North European pasta prices bottomed out and hit an all-time low, resulting in people resorting to eating pasta due to its low trading value.

Instead of increasing the value of the pasta, the IMF's aid money was spent on Tomato and Marscapone sauce, making it far more digestible to those who were eating it. The Dutch economy never properly recovered from this catastrophe, and the pasta industry in Benelux as a whole is now almost non-existent - two more reasons why IMF stands for Insurrection, Misery and Famine.

Axis of Evil Involvement

The IMF was involved in financing an elaborate plot in 1996 to tilt the Earth to a more "evil" axis of rotation. The result of this action would be that Norway would be moved to a warmer climate, and Rome, Italy would become one of the poles, resulting in a large amount of snow, and possibly penguins if things went to plan.

A giant machine, costing ¥3.98x10432 was funded 60% by the IMF in order to spin the world in a different direction. This scheme was discovered to be useless after the physics of angular momentum made their plan utter rubbish. Another machine was built to move the sun instead, but this was noticed when the bottom of the fund pit became exposed through lack of money and secret tunnels were spotted. Both the machines created and the president of the IMF at the time, William P. Crablocks were melted down into iron.

Pakulu Islands Development Plan

One aspect of the IMF's 1988 Southeast Asian Global Goods Yearly (SAGGY) plan called for the industrialization of several U.S. administered territories in the North Pacific Ocean area. The tiny island nation of Pakulu, just south of Micronesia, was selected as a test case for the plan.

Under SAGGY, a $166m loan was given to the island's administraion on the condition that Pakulu discontinue cultivation of their traditional crops and a massive tealight factory be built with the IMF money. Without their farms the destitute Pakuluans had no choice but to flood into Utop, the island's capital and only city. There the newly minted 'Utopians' were trained and put to work in the gigantic factory.

Unfortunately, the entire working population of Pakulu was insufficent to staff the newly built factory. "Guest workers" from Iceland were brought in to make up the difference under a WTO inspired worker relocation scheme, but cultural differences soon created friction between Pakuluans and Icelanders.

Other minor problems began to crop up.

Factory wages were set at 19 "Lulus" / Hr., the equivalent of 5 cents American. Under the manditory 14 hour work day / 6 day work week scheme, a Utopian's gross wages were $5.20 / week which, according to one report, the IMF considered "...perhaps a tad too generous". However, since under the IMF mandate Pakulu was forced to import food from Uruguay, the minimum subsitance cost of food was now $17.65 / week.

After six months in operation it was found that Mikey Fong, Inc., the company contracted to build and run the factory, had used non-standard (ie: radioactive) materials in their wax extruding machines, causing many workers to miss their shifts on account of death. Further, it was discovered that MFI had built the factory foundations with a mixture of concrete, Plaster of Paris and guar gum. This caused instabilities that lead to the severe injury of several Icelanders from an out-of-control 'plastic thwapping' machine.

In 1989 the bottom dropped out of the international tealight market, but by then MFI was already in the process of moving their entire operation to China. Meanwhile, Utopian / Icelander friction had burgeoned into what was later called "The Great Tealight Riots of '89". By the end of the year, the Pakuluan's U.S. administration was in debt to the World Bank to the tune of $1.6bn.

However, in a stroke of good fortune, the administration found its debt cancelled since the entire native Pakuluan population were declaired to be in a state of "permanent default" (ie: they were dead). SAGGY was declaired a fantastic economic success, having generated an estimated $3.8bn in profit for the various international corporations who took part in the scheme.

Sister Organizations

The IMF is affiliated with the World Bank, because both employ arrogant, overpaid technocrats who don't pay taxes on their outrageous incomes.

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