International Beat Random People With a Metal Pipe Day

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Friedrich Nietzsche with his signature "metal pipe with a sharp object at the end of one side". It was incredibly innovative as, prior to this, only blunt objects were used on "International Beat Random People With a Metal Pipe Day".

International Beat Random People With a Metal Pipe Day (May 6th) is a tradition which possibly predates the creation of man by God. It is deeply indebted to the belligerence of men and was what Friedrich Nietzsche used to defeat fallacious logic. Despite this, however, it has long been thought to have spiritual roots and was actually mentioned in the holy bible. This article shall go on to discuss the sociological and anthropological impacts that this great day has had for the human race. Furthermore, it shall be debated over whether or not these results were positive or negative as, despite the fact that it is a holiday accepted on an international level and thus a great unifier it is also something that casts people asunder, due to the subsequent genocides, mass murders, head injuries, mass exterminations and head injuries that frequently occur on the day.

edit Ground Rules

It occurs on May 6. There are three rules to "International Beat Random People With a Metal Pipe Day":

The first rule is: You do not talk about international beat random people with a metal pipe day.

The second rule is: You do not talk about international beat random people with a metal pipe day.

The third rule is: No pants, no toupees; we hate the bald.

These three ground rules have been controversial with some "people" claiming to have allegedly made a "movie" called "Fight Club" wherein the protagonist declares the same first two rules. This, however, is preposterous. There is no such thing as a "Brad Pitt". Furthermore, whence the plot was explicated it was the deemed by the powers at hand to quote:

“This form of media; one that so endlessly strives to eliminate the greatest event known to man; does not make any fucking sense at all.”
~ The Powers At Hand on Fight Club

Said "movie" was based off of an alleged "novel of the same name" but nobody reads "books" anyways. Plus there is a chance that said "book" is only a figment of your imagination. Just like in that movie directed by David Fincher. What was the name? Might Club? Anyways, you get the idea.

edit Historic Basis


This picture, taken from the great crusades of Richard Lionheart, depicts Jesus Christ setting some giant monkey ass on fire. Or, as aficionados of the law may say, "committing monkey arson." Notice how the dinosaur supports the Fonz for president.

When Friedrich Nietzsche, with the help of the desensitization of humanity, killed God, he had declared that:

“God is dead and we have killed him.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche on the general philosophical implications of humanism.

And, subsequently, all those who stood with by God, and leaned upon his greatness whence they were not strong were murdered en masse.


Moses used the greatness of the metal pipe to save the wandering Israelites from being eaten by hungry grues...

edit Social Impact

Modern sociologists consider "International Beat Random People With a Metal Pipe Day" to be the worst thing for society as a whole since sliced bread. Nearly every single catastrophic event has occurred including, but not limited to: The Creation of Grues, The Armenian Genocide and, not to be forgotten, The Great Unicorn Slaughter of 1812; when Roman soldiers traveled the Delaware to reach Angus Young's army of invisible pink unicorns in The Great Time Travel War. The fact that none of these events utilized the metal pole is irrelevant; unless you love me.

There was a rumor that in 1650 the 'International Beat Random People With a Metal Pipe Day' was limited to the rule of thumb by Charles II in England, the law limited the minimum thickness of the metal pipe with which it was permissible for a person to beat a random person. This was later discredited. Nonetheless, beliefs in the existence of such a law can only be traced as far back as 1782, the year James Gillray published his satirical cartoon Judge Thumb (in which a British judge, ruled that a person may legally beat a random person with a metal pipe as long as it was thicker than his thumb). This limiting trace back made the rebuttal by Charles II almost impossible (although some have witnessed the rebuttal after smoking weed grown in his remains).

In the United States, legal decisions in Mississippi (1824) and North Carolina (1868 and 1874) make reference to—and reject—an unnamed "old doctrine" or "ancient law" by which a person was allowed to beat a random person with a metal pipe as long as the pipe was wider than his thumb. In 1976, random personist John Doe used the phrase "rule of thumb" to describe such a doctrine.

edit Religious Impact

“But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace... while hitting each other over the head with various metal objects...”
~ Psalm 37:11 on International Beat Random People With a Metal Pipe Day

International Beat Random People With a Metal Pipe Day has always had very deep roots in all of the worlds religions. Even the cult religions such as Scientology, Pastafarianism and, even Judaism have all been gratuitously influenced by this day. This holiday is so important, in fact, that it predates the creation of metal and even fire. The fact that this is impossible is irrelevant.

Truly however, its modern origins go whence kitten huffing was first introduced to Europeans by Native Americans, (along with syphilis, cannabis, and Chuck Norris,) the brutal violent spasms that occur post-huffing were made dreadfully apparent to colonialists through the initiation of the metal pole tradition. This tradition was based off of the "day of the Sabbath" which had been holy to Jews since the creation of said religion but, however, it was primarily based upon the Christian doctrine of every Sunday being sacred. As such, on every Sunday, colonists would huff kittens en masse and subsequently kill each other. This did continued until the founding of Jamestown by the Virginia Company of London.

Fucking English.

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