Internal combustion engine

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 17:40, September 23, 2012 by 124.183.78.216 (talk)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
“I always have Chinese Lung on call to jump me, my car I mean...”
~ Oscar Wilde on his car

The internal combustion engine is powered by the rapid expansion of mild gases produced by fuel within the engine. A piston-based internal combustion engine uses the force of the gas expanding to push the pistons up, down, left or right, translating to a semi-circular motion when used in precisely the right way. Internal combustion engines are popular as the primary method of powering land-based vehicles such as cars, trucks, lorries, buses, tractors, tanks, submarines, aircraft and several varieties of ham.

In contrast, external combustion engines work outside the confines of the device.

edit History

The internal combustion engine is believed to have been invented in China following the invention of fireworks. Folk lore states that "the engine was curious, but bristled with teeth." We can see these early displays of the engine in modern day festivals in China, known as a "Chinese Lung", which is one of the few remaining dragons. Each engine is created by the gas produced by these dragons which turns the pistons and gives it a "soul", all Gasoline is also the Urine of said dragons. As chinese lungs are major counter part of global pollution today major security is placed upon and so men are hidden within the dragons every festival to spot unsuspecting dragon snipers. Many attempts have been made to create a engine with the dragons inside the engine, but so far the pyrotic potential has destroyed all attempts (see zeppelin).

edit Applications

Sarah palin check engine

It's important not to ignore engine warning indicators.

Microsoft has replicated the workings of the combustion engine on their application "Microsoft Metal Bits", unfortunately it is not used in its intended way because it was found not to be user freindly. When we asked Microsoft we were referenced to the programmer (Beaker) who said "Meh!" on the matter, and stuck his head under his lab jacket. Though Beaker did inadvertanly create a superior to "MS Paint", "Microsoft Metal Bits" is now used in preference over paint by people who cannot understand photoshop (or layers).

edit Issues

Despite numerous advancements of the internal combustion engine, many flaws and issues continue to confound scientists and engineers. Notable issues concern fuel flow and engine efficiency. It is estimated that up to 90% of engine fuel never makes the journey from tank to engine, although the reason for this is unknown. In some cases, engines have also had a reported 200% efficiency rating (for every Joule of energy provided by the fuel, two Joules are output by the engine), or negative efficiency (for every Joule of energy provided by the fuel, a negative Joule is output by the engine).

edit Propaganda

Films such as "Brave Heart", "Reign of Fire" and "Mary Poppins" opress the use of modern day Combustion Engines and proclaim we should kill all dragons, but this is not to be believed as all those films are made by Hippies.

Personal tools
projects