Insulin

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 11:57, March 21, 2010 by ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search

Insulin is a mild hallucinogen often used as either a Gateway Drug, or at parties. Sometimes referred to as "Dr. Feelgood" or "Dropping the Blinks", it was originally made by doctors with little confidence who felt they needed an ego boost. The drug did of course backfire when the patient was treated for something that they had not come in for, often resulting in an inexplicable medical malpractice lawsuit, bitch. I'm Rick James. COME OVER HERE AND HAVE SEX WITH CHARLIE MURPHY!!! The traditional effect of the drug is causing the user to believe s/he has a medical degree or a PhD in some made-up science (you didn't think this was given out at that kind of party did you?), although this can be better than the alternative cure for lack of confidence in one's medical abilities. It has also been known to cause a handful of bizarre side-effects.

Doctors

These people are clearly using.

The primary users of the drugs are students in med school, people who like kinky role-play sex involving doctors, Infomercial actors who need to play doctors and other generally older people. It is not given to the young as often, although parents will occasionally give it to children who claim they want to enter the medical field if/when they grow up. This tactic is most often used to impress visitors and neighbors.

Legal Ramifications

Whilst the legality of the drug is still questionable, the surrounding policies are generally loosely enforced, because the negative effects listed below are more or less outweighed by the surprising medical faculties displayed by the user in emergency situations. There have never been Insulin-related deaths because all users were able to self-diagnose and assist others around them. There have been occasional overdosings, but each one has been accompanied by completed medical paperwork leaving only the time of death blank. Thus, no insulin overdoses are mysteries and so none are really reported.

However, the drug can be acquired on perscription, as it does seem to have some effect on diabetics, midgets, and midgit diabetics, but fuck them. A peculiar trait of the drug is that the Doctoral Effect does not affect any of those who would otherwise be perscribed Insulin.

Side Effects

Delivery Systems

Insulin is usually taken orally, in pill form, for convenience's sake. But it has been proven that the pill form delivers only 20% of the insulin payload as the stomach breaks down the most of the chemical into its constituent molecules: arsenic, table-salt and tears. The buffer used in the pill form is a whey-protein derivative and is slightly acidic which holds the insulin in a stable form while in the pill and in the first stages of digestion although can cause slight indigestion.

Insulin can also be delivered locally in a topical cream. This causes localised effects where applied leaving the rest of the body unaffected. For example if applied to the index finger you can achieve a paediatric digit. When applied to the forehead the upper region of the face develops the skills and experience of a retired proctologist.

Personal tools
In other languages
projects