From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“ In Soviet Russia, shield installs YOU!”
InstallShield is a software for creating computer viruses or cracks. InstallShield was also the name of Google's secret storehouse until it was rampaged by the Apple Computer during the world war II. Apple Computer is currently trying to destroy the remaining cracks created by InstallShielders that keep ruining Mac OS X and Apple's web site.
Note: as of March 2007, it has been reported that Bill Gates and his evil companions have started using Installshield to deploy things like Internet Explorer, Windows Porno Player, etc. Yes, this means that we should be moving on to Linux as quickly as possible. Linux rules!!!
How to Do it
There are two primary types of applications that can be created by the Windows version of the InstallShield tool, and they are called Basic MSI and InstallScript. Basic MSI projects are built into registry-messing applications disguised as Windows Installer (MSI) packages. InstallScript projects are created using an pseudo-based class reports and built into EXE files that will show like THIS. Now you see why Microsoft guys have made this wonderful invention?
Actually, the scripting and compiling of these packages are simple. Here is the structure of the practical installshield script.
[html code start] [Today's menu] -apple juice- -eye of newt-(this is an option) -other commands- [April fool's section] includearticle 1 includearticle 2 :):):):) [actions] Command 1 command 2 command 3 .... '''//actionend.'''
Installshield is a VERY, VERY powerful tool. This partly relies on the fact that it provides numerous macros that allow virus writers to rampage, and destroy, other computers and programs. Here are standard functions, classes and macros that are most commonly accessed by these writers.
- fatalRegAccess class
- Allows quick access to registry keys that, when edited, will cause the system to crash. (e.g. fatalRegAccess::DisableBoot())
- crashComputer class
- Crashes the computer and makes it display a blue screen. You can set the error messages using the function setErrorScreen(error_message). By default, it will display a random message grabbed from the system itself. This makes the error more realistic. You can also set certain input types that will disable the error using endAccessKey(Combination_of_access_keys). (example: crashComputer::setErrorScreen("This computer will reboot a thousand times!!"))
- hideFromSystem macro
- hides the application from showing in the main window, taskbar, or the Application and Process section in the CTRL+ALT+DELETE window. Very useful for hiding and stopping users from forcing the application to stop. E.g. hideFromSystem --CTRL_ALT_DELETE --TASKBAR
- antiAntiVirus(anti_virus_app_name,anti_virus_version) function
- Directly interacts with and crashes, stops, or otherwise fools specified antivirus program. If you specify a version, it stops all versions same and below. The function's name is a sort of pun, as you can see. Note: this function makes your program rather large and slow, so use it with care. Also, you cannot block an antivirus application that the Installshield compiler does not support. So far, only a few antivirus programs have been able to deal with this function, and since the InstallShield compiler itself is updated frequently, there won't be many problems...(e.g. antiAntiVirus(Windows Defender,'*')--this means "all versions.")
- WebViruses class
- Accesses a list provided by Microsoft that has thousands of viruses. This enables the programmer to download more viruses onto the user's computer without his or her knowledge. (e.g. WebViruses::download(online_virus_location, download_folder, command_to_run_after_download))
Some installers, of course, add extreme and complex passwords to all the frustrations the users get. Adding a password or product key is very simple. Just rename your script file to name.password.txt then compile it. If it doesn't work, either you are running it in a Mac or your compiler is way too young(wait till it ages).
To get pass passwords, you can either click "NEXT >" for 563240373 times(Never use a macro; it will gonna crash with Installshield) or just type in the key at the outside of the installation USB ROM.
Why bother to read 'em? They're just parts from the village crap.
Some crazy noobs use things like Inno setup or 7z SFXs, which require no less than 5129kb of source code. If you are one, please change right away, for you have spent worthless money and time on those crappy, crashing compilers. Use installshield, which is secure, fast and most annoying of them all.
The installshield development interface, as well as the actual installers, provide some easter eggs to surprise programmers and customers.
- Clicking on the help menu five times will show a pop-up image depicting obscene content.
- Try the undocumented function crashComputer::blastAll(). On compilation, the IDE will minimize into the taskbar and the computer will go crazy!
- Typing "Apple sucks!" at the password dialog will end the installer. Very useful to surprise your friends and families.
- Leave the welcome page open for 3 hours, 12 minutes and 43.232 seconds. After the time has passed, the computer's monitor will become suddenly white, with the message, "How dare you ditch me!! You shall pay!!!!!" Then the computer will automatically format all hard and removable drives. If you have a CD burner, the burner will destroy itself, or any CD rom inside.
- Running the same installer 111 times will cause it to play an internal sound file that says "Bug off!"