Ingvar Kamprad

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 23:00, March 13, 2013 by 203.62.63.52 (talk)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
Bouncywikilogo5
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Ingvar Kamprad.

Ingvar Kamprad (born 30 March 1926) is a Marxist absurdist from Sweden. He attempted to prove socialism correct by inducing suicide in the bourgeoisie: tormenting suburban husbands to the point of Scandinavian levels of alcoholism with a fiendish program of mental torture and induced psychosis involving self-assembly furniture. His key innovation was to notice that the middle classes are explicitly excluded from the provisions of the Geneva Convention. He later sold this program to the United Spades of Amerika under the code name IKEA.

Soon after, he fought in the trenches of World War 1 as a German private. He acquired the Iron Cross for bravery after having courageously beaten one million British soldiers to death with a massive pink rubber dildo during the battle of the Somme. Sadly, the medal was stolen by the wicked Haitian Adolf Hitler during a wild drinking spree in Amsterdam.

Kamprad is the evil Grand Vizier of Sweden, keeping the beautiful but helpless monarch Agatha Christie locked in a high tower while he saves the world for tasteful but economical furnishings.

He committed suicide shortly after founding IKEA. He is thought to have written the only way to destroy IKEA down on a piece of parchment before killing himself; although it is thought that the new shareholders had it destroyed. Many believe it can be killed in the same way as a Wal-Mart, but as of yet no-one has succeeded.

On Being a Nazi

Usually on Uncyclopedia, you chat absolute shit but so long as it is relatively jokes: I will continue ... Ingvar Kamprad was not a Nazi (I can hear the laughter already) and did not send his Jewish (and just his Jewish employees) of Ikea a note of apology.

Ingvar recently gave away The shelf "Ivar" to all his employees. The shelf also included a dead cat and a picture of his wife and a certain Don Ho naked. "Oh no Don Ho"*

  • (read backwards!)

Ingvars toilet is colored with the most repulsing colors in human history. This because of his wifes suffering from idiot syndrome (IDIOTESA CROMOSONAS) His wife is having an affair with a certain French dude know as This Guy. She's also been dating Some Other Guy.

Ingvar is known as the 493rd most wealthy man in the world. But it's common knowledge that he made all his money selling products to Lapps, the native in Norway, Sweden, Finland, Russia and all the other countries in Scandinavia.

Unfortunately, Kamprad was killed on May 3rd 2010 (or more commonly known as April 33rd 2010) in a freak industrial accident at IKEA involving a chainsaw and a leather couch. RIP (rest in pieces).

Personal tools
projects