Information
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“Flap,FLap,Flap.”
~ (_)------D on infromation
“I have some information on this article, its an article on information.”
~ Captain Obvious on Information
“Information is like the sea: big and it can kill you. Also, it's in an organized pattern.”
~ Harrison Ford on Information
Information is one of the most valuable minerals in the Universe. Even before it was discovered to be more rare than Gold, Silver or Spice, pure information, due to it's amazing truth-relative properties, is probably the safest investment you can put your money in in today's volitile markets.
Success stories of investing in information abound. Take this small town investor from Idaho:
“Instead of buying Microsoft or Intel or Google, I bought Information! Now I'm the smartest investor in Boise, Idaho! I'm also broke ...”
~ Anonymous on Trading Stocks Online
Yes sir, with Information applied properly, you can't go wrong.
Contents |
[edit] Definition
Information: The way ducks and geese fly.
[edit] History of Information
Information's beginnings are shrouded in mystery and in the document shredders of some government facilities in western Nevada, which are far enough away from Las Vegas so as to not draw attention to themselves, but also far enough away from the Exact Middle of Nowhere as to be nicely inconspicious.
Many historians believe that The Information Age really kicked off around 1777, with the release of the hit country song, "It was Seventeen Seventy-Somethin'", but other historians believe that it had to do with the practice (which started around 1898 with the invention of the original Windows 98) of people (called "factory workers") lining up and doing the same things over and over which they believed would somehow eventually produce a stable economy. They never accomplished this, and no one knows what the heck this had to do with information, but the historical revisionists are presumably working on it.
There was also that dude in Mass effect who sold information for a living. He was called "the shadow broker" or something. That would be a totally sweet wrestling persona cause you'd get come into the ring in a suit and carry briefcase full of wall street journal shreddings that you would use to blind your opponents. Your finishing move would be "the market crash" a front flip flying knee to the groin.
[edit] Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
This particular bit of information is one of the most coveted in the information market. But due to the theory of evolution some say the chicken came from a chicken like animals egg. So, the chicken came first. And no, you can't say "But the chicken came out of the egg!" well the egg it came out of was not a chicken egg. An earlier prototype was called, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but the transparent unstability of that investment soon proved itself in the Great Depression of 28659.5 BC, when it was pointed out by a monkey that, "Everyone knows it's to get to the other side."
