Industrial Metal

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Revision as of 01:19, December 30, 2012

“Music, my arse.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Industrial Metal

“Discipline! Discipline! Discipline! Discipline! Discipline! Discipline!”
~ Genesis P. Orridge on Industrial Metal
“Developers, Developers, Developers!”
~ Steve Ballmer on Industrial Metal
“Education, Education, Education”
~ Tony Blair on Industrial Metal



What?

Industrial Metal is commonly ignorantly described as the fusion of Heavy Metal and Techno. Fuck heads.

Origins

Industrial Metal was born out of the influence of industrial life in communist societies. However the origin of Industrial Metal can be traced back to the 1700's hence the first Industrial Revolution. Industrial was very popular in Communist countries such as East Germany, the Soviet Union, Poland, North Korea, Cuba, and China. The Soviet invasion of Afghanistan in the late 70's and the Cuban invasion of Angola in the 80's helped spread this genre of music. Considering how unimpressive the technology was in the late 1970's, the head of Throbbing Gristle, Genesis Porridge, built a time machine to go into the future and retrieve snacks. Unfortunately, this has nothing to do with the "origins" of Industrial Metal.

Industrial was also very popular in cold climate countries. Since it is impossible to be outside for 9 months of the year and under the heavy influence of alcohol, industrial became a sign of boredom and idleness in cold weather countries such as the Scandinavian countries, the North Pole, and the South Pole.

Lyrical Content

The majority of songs lacks of lyrical content, and diminishes it's music to a sequence of sounds such as groans or flatulences. Nevertheless some modern industrial songs contain lyrics about the merging of humans, machinery, and malginant sausages. Sample titles of songs include: "Hot-Dog Kiss '65" by White Zombie, "I Suck Donkey Dick" by Limp Bizkit, and "Smearing Hope on my Face" by Skinny Puppy. Although many mainstream industrial lyrics are formulaic in nature, this kind of mediocrity is often celebrated in the music world. Some industrial fans even cite songs as using words from the books and essays of Nietzsche and Karl Marx, but this preposterous, as Britney Spears is the only musical artist that was given permission to do this by the authors themselves. Her saying on the matter: "Suck it bitches!"

Fans

The fans of Industrial Metal are a weird bunch. Not like the Brady Bunch, mind you, but the Buncha Crunch candy you get at theater concessions. They are stout and confident in their natural habitat, often twirling their long spiked hair that's buried under seven layers of gel and mousse.

Industrial mosh pits are often frowned upon in sub-urban neighborhoods, as nu-metalists consider them too "poser-ish". Make note that they most likely make that judgement whilst sucking on a pacifier and blasting Slipknot on their headphones.
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They also make industrial fans smile, too.

Instruments

The essence of Industrial Metal is "rebellion." One must find a harsher, more disturbing, more shocking, or otherwise controversial way of expressing onself. This is achieved through a variety of means.

The instruments that Industrial bands use to record new albums include (but aren't limited to): Things you I would rather not do, human sounds, printers, dirty daipers, Hallmark cards, heavy-duty sanders, lathes, Whitney Houston cassettes, day glow speedos, E-flat trombones, laptop computers, stamps, lightbulbs, paper, turtles, children's toes, feces, hammers, Chu-Chu Rocket game discs, Ronald McDonald's nonexistent molars, the screams of little children, drug needles, the Moog, the Juno 666, penis-shaped Stratocasters, and pretty much anything else that could be found in the run-down inner cities of Socialist East Germany when you were growing up and dreaming of those symbols of Western decadence.

List of Some Industrial Bands

  • Skinny Puppy and its side project Fatted Kitten
  • Combichrist, named after the Volkswagen Combi mini-van from the 60's
  • Ministered and side projects: 1000 Homo DJs (1000 Homo Dope Junkies), Revolting Cocks (or RevCo for pussies), PTP, Nohead, horses on acid)
  • SPK (Sexy Puss Kid)
  • Throbbing Pistol (This actually totally reeks of FAIL since 'Throbbing Gristle' means GIANT BONER in British slang... DUH)
  • Circus of Dead Squirrels
  • Rabbit Junk
  • Wumpsuck
  • Nurse With Whore
  • The Crew
  • Nine Inch Narwhals
  • NUN
  • Angelshit
  • KMFDM, (commonly mistaken as standing for: "Kill Mother Fucking Depeche Mode", actually stands for: "Kinky Milfs Fighting Diptheria Malaria")
  • Die Cramps
  • Front Loud Ass
  • Shitzer Grebb
  • My Life With The Really Long Name Band
  • Not Unit
  • Einstoorzendy Nyoobotan
  • Gary Human
  • Killing Jerk
  • [:SHITD:]
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