Indonesia

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NKRI (Negara Korupsi Republik Indonesia)
Corruptive State of Indonesia

(Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: "Bhinneka Tunggal Ika" "Together in Racism"
Anthem: "Indonesia Payah" "Indonesia Sucks"
Capital	Zakar-ta(penis)
Previous capital	Papa Nu Ginney
Largest city	Bali
Official languages	Corrupted Malay
Government	Corruptive Democracy
Vice President President	Barack Obama
Other languages	Broken English Mispronounced Arabic Incorrect Mandarin Erroneous Japanese
Major Exports	Smog, Islands, Jihad Warriors, educated capitalist Workers(Usually Hot Girls)
Major Imports	Pirated DVDs, Japanese Hentai
National Hero(es)	Sukarno, Captain D, God-Emperor Suharto, Tukul Arwana, Super-Semar, Roy Suryo the Porn Master, Kuntilanak, Pocong, General Ahmad Dhani and the Indonesian Peter Pan.
Declaration of Independence	1800 from Merchants with Guns 1811 from the Dutch with Guns 1815 from the Lost British Fleets 1942 from the Dutch Immigrants 1945 from the Gundam Army 1949 from the Dutch Capitalists 1965 from Sukarno 1998 from Suharto
Currency	Bribe Money
Religion	10% Suicidal and Extremist Muslims 10% Infidels(Including Liberal and Moderate Islam) 80% money-hunter
Population	250 million babies per second
Internet TLD	(Indomie Telor Kornet)The best in the state
Calling code	134

Indonesia is a corrupt third world country whose 250 million proudly barbaric inhabitants insist that they are living in a developed country. It is known for corruption, sloth, terrorism, poverty, as well as discount prostitution. Indonesia shares many features with the United States, particularly since the latter has just experienced a second Bush term.

Most Indonesians practice a boilerplate form of Islam which encourages terrorism. Indonesia, including Bali, is also a popular tourist destination during the seasons when terrorists are away on vacation in Australia. Even during peak terrorist seasons (January-December), Indonesia remains a popular destination for suicidal tourists who are hoping to wind up on the gallows for having a small amount of marijuana residue stuck in their shoe tread.

[edit] History

Legendary king Java Man, before and after his holy mutation

Archaeological excavations have proven that Indonesian prehistory consisted mostly of ruins, skeletons, broken pottery, and fraudulent archeological discoveries. According to current evidence, Indonesian "civilization" started when the first Indonesian king, the Java Man, suddenly evolved from a prehistoric hominid into a human being around 300 BCE.

[edit] Ancient Kingdoms

In 550 AD, the young Indian prophet Sakdip prognosticated "hear me ye vile customers! Karma will punish you one day!" Indonesians in Surya Tatamungil responded with deriding laughter.

Indonesia was initially united under the kingdom of Surya Tatamungil, whose name translates into "Sun Microsystems." This kingdom is the origin of the Java language. Surya Tatamungil stole adopted the culture of early Indian civilization around 500 AD. The ancient Indians charged Indonesians royalties for the use of Indian innovations and ancient Bollywood books, especially the Kama Sutra. However, the Indonesians had already discovered and developed corruption sciences and so never paid their bills, pretending to have never received them. Indian call centers continued to harass Indonesians for their overdue bills, but the Indonesians dodged the bills by feigning inability to understand the Indians' bad English. This treachery bankrupted the ancient Indian Empires, causing widespread poverty in India that continues to this day. Ironically, Indonesia and India are now partners in Project People Bomb in which the populations of both countries are attempting to breed uncontrollably until the planet explodes.

Indonesia eventually became a major trading post in the ancient world, especially to facilitate trade between the Australian Empire and the Roman Empire. Contact with Indonesians subsequently bankrupted both empires, even boomeranging Australia back to the stone age. Major commodities from Indonesia today include spices (cloves, marijuana, cilantro, and spice girls) and slave labor.

[edit] Dutch Colonialism

Attracted by abundant cheap domestic servants, the Dutch attempted to invade Indonesia using windmill-powered ships which tipped over and sank. The sailors sank as well since they were wearing heavy wooden shoes. After switching to ordinary ships and shoes, the Dutch eventually conquered Indonesia, establishing the Dutch East Indies to monopolize the drug and sex trade. This legacy of success is evident in the culture of Netherlands today.

[edit] Gundam Battle Assault

「インドちゃんたちが本当に可愛いでありますね！我輩も好きであるよ。。。」Hideki Tojo spoke favorably of Indonesian girls.

In 1942, during the period of Great Happiness and Prosperity, Indonesia was colonized liberated and guided by the Glorious Empire of Dainippon Teikoku as part of the East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere. Since then, thousands of Gundams patrol the borders of Indonesia.

Japan, being a nation full of horny old fart and perverts honorable samurai and courageous patriotic soldiers, deported astounding numbers of Indonesian girls for sexual slavery lucrative employment opportunities. The resulting shortage of sex slaves potential female employees devastated the Indonesian economy. The new government of Japan rerets the damage done to the Indonesian economy, and has agreed to provide Indonesia with limited access to Bukkake and Hentai as a form of sincere apology.
(this section is apploved by intelim Impelial Nippon censule buleau)

Sukarno's draft of the Indonesian declaration of Independence. Sukarno was a renown orator in his time. This is a rare privilige to witness the masterpiece in the making.

An Indonesian named Sukarno successfully announced a declaration of Indonesian independence. Since no other Indonesian ever thought of forming a government, Sukarno successfully nominated and voted for himself as president and subsequently won an absolute majority. By consensus of the masses, the chosen form of government at the time was absolute dictatorship. Sukarno also developed and propagated his ideology of Pancasila (lit. "the [chicken of] five spices"), inspired by the sight of his wife cooking fried chicken. (Pancasila doctrine also helped Indonesia resist the vile influences of KFC at that time.) Thus, under the auspices of Pancasilaist dictatorship, Indonesia was born as a modern country in August 1945. Sukarno celebrated his victory by humping a Japanese girl named 根本七保子.

This segment of history is paid for by KFC. KFC. We do chicken right. Finger Lickin' Good. Try our new 3-piece chicken combo meal! Available in a KFC near you.

This is not a very good map.

however due to recent discoveries in the island of sumatra, some ancient scrolls have pointed out that indonesia could be founded by king kevin sugiarto of bandung and his fellow king eka cipta chandra from jakarta. this two kings have been responsible for bringing steel, rubber and gold to indonesia andthe building of disneyland. Therefore, they should be credited for the foundation of this republic.

[edit] 1949 Invasion

In 1949, President Sukarno declared war on the war-torn Netherlands to assert Indonesian independence. The irritated Dutch responded by launching an invasion of Easter Island due to faulty maps they had picked up at a Belgian petrol station run by Pakistanis. After negotiations, the Dutch agreed to leave Easter Island as long as Indonesia provided cheap prostitutes in perpetuity.

Sukarno enjoyed fine arts in his spare time.

[edit] Orde Baru Empire

Sukarno (left) discussing the Supersemar with Prince Suharto Orde Baru (right) in 1963

In May 1965, secretly under Suharto's command, Indonesian communists attempted coup d'etat, killing seven prominent monarchist Indonesian generals and two Pancasilaist officers. In swift retaliation, Prince Suharto and the monarchists army batallions defeated the communist insurrection within two days and one night. The tired Sukarno issued the official declaration of Supersemar, named after the superhero Semar of Indonesian folklore. Supersemar officiated the retirement of Sukarno from the dictatorship as well as the restoration of Indonesian monarchy. Seeing this miracle, The loyal Indonesian masses crowned Suharto the God-Emperor of Indonesia. The humble Suharto declined the Imperial title, opting for a kingdom instead.

The advisors of Suharto forewarned that communism and capitalism were dangerous foreign ideologies that could only be deterred by the native ideology of corruption. The wise God-Emperor Suharto then declared the establishment of a new nation ambitiously dedicated to promote corruption throughout the country. The country is renamed Kerajaan Orde Baru, or "Kingdom of the New Order," reflecting the dynastic name of Suharto (His Majesty's birth name was Muhammad Suharto Orde Baru). With popular support, Indonesian communists across the country were instantly executed, effectively reducing the Indonesian population by 30%. Seeing that the Pancasilaists were harmless, the newly-crowned Suharto allowed all Pancasilaists to live and gain citizenship in the new kingdom, despite their anti-monarchy ideology.

[edit] Revolution of 1998

In 1998amerikangentotte Indonesia's corruption policies and thus triggered the Asian financial crisis. Turns out there was little left to steal. At this time an Indonesian Republic was established. The official name is Republik Kampungan Shithole, or the God-foresaken Backward Republic of Indonesia with "Shithole" being the republic's pet name.

Chinese Indonesian women were seen as incompetent engineers.

Enraged East Timorese condemned the overthrow of Orde Baru Kingdom.

[edit] Geography

Indonesia is composed of 17 million islands, of which fourteen are habitable. Most of Indonesia's 270 million people live on just two of the fourteen islands because all the gold, and easily-accessed petroleum on the other twelve islands frighten the Indonesians. Indonesia frequently attempts to occupy Borneo and Papua, and these two islands have given half their territory to Indonesia. Of course it's the halfs with the man-eating dragons, but it makes Indonesia look bigger on maps. Tiny penis.

[edit] Bali and Jakarta

Main article: Bali

Indonesia's capital, Jakarta, is filled with dirt, feces, smog, criminals, trash, dust, noise, other crap and, worst of all, about 15 million Indonesians. In contrast, Bali is seen as paradise due to it's many Indonesian-free zones. In fact, according to one poll, most tourists prefer to pay for an expensive flight ticket to Bali, even traveling in the cargo hold, rather than be given a free ticket to Jakarta.

In 2007, the mayor of Jakarta ordered a mass cleanup to remove the 5 meters-tall layer of shit covering the city. Many city workers died from the stench. This depopulation measure has dramatically improved conditions in the city but, unfortunately, it turned out many homes in the city were constructed of shit, and so now more Indonesians are homeless causing them to be visible to tourists at all hours.

[edit] Education

Indonesian school provides the first exposure for Indonesian children to the disciplines of pornography and corruption, which they need to function in Indonesian society, as proven by Indonesia's presitigous ranking in the Corruption Perceptions Index as well as statistical evidence of Internet pornography. Only 5% of Indonesians have access to the internet, yet 90% of the world's google searches for "Japanese Porn" originate in Indonesia.

The bureaucrats in Ministry of Education constructed the academic curriculum by randomly throwing darts at scattered proposal sheets and by consulting local fortune tellers. Indonesian teachers are encouraged to constantly assign useless homework in such huge amounts and difficulty that students sometimes actually explode.

[edit] Tawuran

Fundamental exercises in Tawuran.

Tawuran, is a modernized martial art developed in 1970 by the Ministry of Education for the purpose of enhancing the physical fitness of Indonesian youth. Tawuran is mostly based on the ancient Indonesian martial art, Kerusuhan (lit. "Riot"), developed by Java Man, the first king of Indonesia. Exercises in Tawuran involve running, intimidation tactics, coordinated rock-throwing, and self-immolation. It's difficult to find qualified Tawuran instructors due to the self-immolation thing.

[edit] Demonstrations

Starting at age 12, all Indonesian students are required to participate in demonstrations and protests, usually on a weekly basis. By the end of high school, students have participated in demonstrations or protests for and/or against almost any imaginable issue or non-issue. Students are expected to demonstrate or protest as ordered, even against themselves. It is not uncommon for students to carry signs with messages such as "Down With Me" or "Students Suck". By college-age, many students have actually attacked themselves and administered self-beatings or had hunger strikes against themselves or even against food itself.

[edit] Indonesian Student Code of Conduct

• Honor corruption by cheating on all tests, even if you actually know the answers
• Flatter the teacher by offering them oral sex
• Show a spirit of cooperation by coordinating cheating in exams and after-school orgies
• Participate in Demonstrations and Strikes at least once per week

[edit] How to Succeed in Indonesian Classes

• Staple a 50,000 Rupiah note (US$5) to your assignment before handing in.
• Staple a 100,0000 Rupiah note to submitted assignments (some teachers are getting very strict now).
• Lift (female students) skirt to (male) teachers before handing in assignments.

[edit] Military

There are many armies in the world, some strong, some weak, and Indonesia definitely has one of them, fully equipped with ancient Indonesian magical spells. The might of the Indonesian army is used to bully neighbors such as Australia, Malaysia, East Timor, West Papua, Aceh, and Singapore. The Indonesian army, collectively named ABRI (Assassins and Bandits of Republic of Indonesia), are best known for saving and comforting local populations, also known as "Operation Raping Local Women".

Strategists in the Indonesian Navy developed an ingenious naval tactic: suicidal ramming. The victims include Malaysian warships in international water, often deviously diguised by the evil Malaysian government with civilian markings, women and children, no weapons, and the misleading cries of "Wait! Don't shoot! We're really just tourists, for God's Sake! Stop it! Please!" No Indonesian captain has ever been fooled by such lies. Other targets include whatever ships and rowboats the Navy fancies ramming.

The highly-trained Indonesian Commando Special Forces (KOPASUS) have, to date, killed billions of criminals and suspicious persons, which is an amazing accomplishment, especially considering that there are only 250 million people in Indonesia.

[edit] Demographics

Indonesia's population is composed of diverse ethnic groups who constantly slaughter each other. The major ethnic groups are Javanese, Sundanese, Wobbliknees, Monkees, Florida Keys, Alan Keyes, Cheese, and Dramaqueens. They all wear silly hats and smell funny.

A typical Indonesian woman. Indonesian women are known to angrily bite off penises when denied sexual intercourse.

Marrying an Indonesian woman is ill-advised, unless one is a masochist or includes a pre-nuptial clause denying all forms of alimony.

[edit] Minorities

Speciesism
Indonesian society has not just overcome racism, but they have also overcome speciesism, which in practice had been far more brutal than racism, as evident in other countries' treatment of non-humans. In Indonesia, various species of rodents [Chinese] are given full citizenship and are free to roam the cities of Indonesia, particularly Jakarta. They also have the right to vote. Many of these rodents obtain employment in the public sector, even serving in political parties and key government positions.

Undead Indonesians
Scientific research confirms that Indonesia is heavily populated by ghosts, sometimes referred to as "the undead" which basically means the same thing as "alive". This leads to a lot of confusion, but some creatures are semi-physical ectoplasms mingling with the living (or dying) population. Indonesian cities are swarming with such beings who often cannot afford housing. These ghosts inhabit schools, public toilets, parks, mediocre hospitals and, of course, cemeteries. Ironically many poor living (or dying) Indonesians live in cemeteries as well. Also, sometimes Indonesians use cemeteries to dispose of dead bodies that are too far gone to eat.

[edit] Economy

Seriously, the Indonesian economy is almost completely destroyed, mostly because Indonesians are stupid, lazy, or corrupt (usually it's all three). As a result, poor Indonesians are considered rich in Indonesia and the really poor are considered middle class. Chinese Indonesian are considered the high class (bringing money to Indonesia) and the rest, well you get the point.

[edit] Tourism

If you are a tourist, then come to Indonesia! Everything is cheap here: cheap hotels, cheap games, cheap foods, cheap women, cheap babies, cheap head, cheap neck; everything is cheap! Just remember that you, as a tourist, may be beheaded, hanged, or killed in a terrorist act at any time for any or no reason.

[edit] Occupations

Prostitution is so common it's not generally even considered a mere occupation. It's a way of life. A religion. Some popular non-prostitution occupations in Indonesia include busking and panhandling. Most Indonesian street musicians are panhandlers, and vice versa. These panhandler-musicians sometimes scratch cars with coins out of spite. Related occupations include Extortionist of Money from Random Passing Cars and Professional Accident Victim. Turd Wrangling is another popular occupation since the collection of feces is the primary source of Indonesian building materials.

Domestic servitude is a common occupation in Indonesia. Most domestic servants are females who live in small quarters in their masters' residence. The roles of domestic servants include cooking, cleaning, fellatio, anal intercourse, and corporate accounting.

Theft is also a popular occupation. However, Indonesians frown on getting caught while stealing. Apprehension is considered a major faux pas reflecting a serious lack of professionalism. The usual punishment for a thief is execution, though many thieves are pardoned if they pay a fine, as long as payment is made in the form of successfully stolen goods.

[edit] Exports

The primary exports from Indonesia are corruption, slave labor, and terrorism. Other exports include:

• Pollution and Garbage
• Human garbage
• Garbage humans
• Corrupt officials for Switzerland and Singapore
• Cadavers of innocent Australian tourists accused of drug smuggling
• (flat) Boobs
• Prostitutes toMalaysia

[edit] Imports

Indonesia's main imports are pirated software and DVDs, financial aid, and recreational drugs. Other imports to Indonesia include:

• Made-in-China PlayStations to play pirated games
• Australian youth importing drugs into Bali (later re-exported to Australia as cadavers, courtesy of the government of Indonesia)
• Hummel figurines

[edit] Culture

There is nothing that can honestly be considered culture in Indonesia.

[edit] Language

Most Malays speak a local dialect of Indonesian. These examples illustrate the linguistic divergence of Indonesian Malay from "King's Malay":

Indonesian Malay dialect originated from various grunts and rants uttered during sexual intercourse. In time, these unintelligible sounds evolved into a more sophisticated method of communication in which all participants pretend to understand each other.

Regardless of the origin, Indonesian is a very simple language. Some grammatical elements are absent, including personal pronouns, verbal adjectives, dangling modifiers, and dative conjunctions. Later development also discarded verbs, adjectives, nouns, and adverbs. These developments have been praised by expert linguists as "pretty cool, yo!" as they render the language very easy to learn. This trend has reversed. To add sophistication, most contemporary Indonesian literatures inserted new grammatical features, such as dialectal expletive causal modal dative verbal third-person conjugative adjectival imperative constructs, as well as other more complex structures.

Popular Indonesian names usually starts with su-, such as: Sukarno, Suharto, Sudirman, Susilo, Sudimampir, Sumarjinah, Suminem, Sukiyem, Superman, Sumringah, Su Asu, Sundal, Susu, Suffer, Suck, Suka Suka gw, Suka Suka lo, Sumpah aneh abis, .

[edit] Secondary Languages

Due to influence from civilization, Indonesians have reluctantly adopted several foreign languages. The inability of Indonesian students to learn foreign languages has produced unusual dialects. Some butchered Indonesian language variants include:

• Broken Dutch(obsolete)

A failed attempt by the Dutch to teach Indonesians their language resulted in broken Dutch, which annoyed the Dutch and Indonesians alike. Eventually the Dutch remembered their own language is merely Retarded German and besides nobody, even the Dutch, can remember the difference between Dutch and Danish and no one cares, so the Dutch gave up.

• Broken English

Broken English is based on International English. The Indonesian variant consists mainly of out-of-context quotations from pirated American movies. It is not unusual to hear an Indonesian attempt to greet an American or British tourist with statements like "Hasta la vista, baby." or "I am your father, Luke." or even "Shut the fuck up, Donnie."

• Mispronounced Arabic

Since Islam is the main superstition in Indonesia, and the Kerrang or Koran is only written in Arabic, some Indonesians have tried to learn Arabic. Besides being written right-to-left, exactly the opposite of normal languages, Arabic is, of course, also spoken backwards. This fact is completely lost on Indonesians who, in their confusion, generally attempt to compensate by standing on their heads.

• Incorrect Mandarin

The Indonesian has so far failed to grasp sufficient Mandarin, restricting his vocabulary to whatever words match the tone of the gamelan.

• Erroneous Japanese

Many Indonesians have dealings with the Japanese. Tired of attempting to communicate in Engrish , many Indonesians have attempted to learn Japanese. Many have been quite successful, even mastering the out-of-sync mouth movements so popular among Japanese speakers. Unfortunately, since the Indonesians are usually performing oral sex on Japanese clients while attempting to speak, it's almost impossible to understand anything they are saying anyway.

[edit] See also

• Bali
• Djarums
• Money
• Corruption
• Pornography
• Monkey
• Malaysia
• Poland (They stole our flag!)

Daniel Ching-chin was also here =======>o Look at China for me

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