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Mhashahakaghatmatamadolahamdakima was here Khamadalkhah Hindustan
|Motto: "My brother My brother ..."|
|Anthem: "Jai Ho"|
Green is India, and Red are areas ethier Pakistan or Burma-occupied.
|Largest city||Bombay Mix|
|Official language(s)||C, C++, C#, Python, Java, Perl|
|Unofficial languages||Aravam,Bambaiya, Gulti, Inglis|
|worst languages||Malayalam (it means the same even when read backwards)|
|Most deadly languages||Classical Tamil|
|National Hero(es)||Me, Amitabh Bachchan, Sachin Tendulkar, Emperor Ashoka, Clement Attlee and Gandhi|
|Religion||Everything known to Man|
|Calling code||+1 (redirect)|
“India: A land of contrasting scenic beauty, fascinating religions, diverse food, intoxicating culture and an overwhelming stench which permeates your every pore, leaving you with an eternal fetid reminder of your brief dalliance with the place. ”
A South East Asian country, India is surrounded by Pakistan to the West, China to the North East, the Indian Ocean to the South, and is directly accessible from Europe via a quick caravel trip straight across over the Atlantic Ocean.
With a population estimated at over 1 billion and rising by the minute, India is the only country in the world where its humans occupants are outnumbers by its ant population. With over 80 per cent of the population claiming to be Hindu’s, it is impossible to identify the exact number of people living in India as Government census forms are routinely filled with not only the participant’s current details, but also the details of their previous lives.
India’s economy is currently growing at an exponential rate and possesses the worlds tenth largest Gross Domestic Product (GDP), the third largest Purchase Power parity (PPP) and the worlds highest rate of Perpetual Overhead Variable Earnings Refundable Turnover per Year (POVERTY).
The Europeans saw India and decided they wanted it. Then, one bald man said that we must not fight for independence. His idea was that this would confuse the British, even though he was employed by the British. This plan worked, and ended up not only confusing the British, but Indians and the rest of the World
The biggest problem that this bald man did not anticipate was that India, being a subcontinent of 1 million languages and castes, would go on to want independence from itself as well. Apparently a common interest in all things curry was not enough to unite a nation or maintain peace with neighboring countries. There was only one solution, something that has kept the india united and reduced the number of casualties from fighting across the border. Of course this answer was Bollywood. It doesn't matter what caste, religion, language or culture the modern Indian hails from, absolutely no one with a TV could be bothered fighting when they could tune into the constant stream of low budget cinema being beamed into their living room.
Later, after the population in India exploded, each each person was allotted 5 triangle meters of space for living. Here's an interesting fact: Seven years ago, every 7th person in the world was an Indian, today every 6th person is an Indian and in 10 years every 5th person will be an Indian and very soon 'everyone will be an Indian'. This is a very ingenious idea to attain world domination. India is known to have been conquered many times in this time period, mostly by international corporations needing cheap IT and tech support.
The game of Rioting was a joint venture between India and Pakistan. The tradition now is that once any cricket match is over, everyone must riot and burn down a stand. This also keeps the youths in the country employed. Pakistan is India's long time rival in both games, cricket & rioting, of which India has lost all. They are so childish that they said no to playing cricket in Sharjah as they have lost all matches there and then decided to never play in Sharjah as janum kundli of Indian team prohibits them so.
The Indian Football team is in contention with Brazil and England, to win the next Football World Cup, with the master striker, Bhaichung Bhutia expected to come out of retirement any moment. Bhutia is regarded as the God of Football in India. He was the star player for England's top team, Bury F.C., and he got thrown out after one season for undiagnosable reasons. He almost beat Ronaldo to the Balloon D'Orc, the award for being the most over hyped, out of fashion, overpaid footballer.
India is the world champion in Kabbadi, a game only they play.
The captain of a losing Indian cricket team is sacrificed to a Hindu God of public's choice. The case in a way is different for a winning captain. He would be allowed the privilege of choosing the God to be sacrificed to.
Another famous sport in India is the famous, "Train Riding", its something like the mechanical rodeo bull, but more dangerous. It's a tradition since trains ever appeared there, the game consists in holding on the top of the train as long as you can. This attracts many tourists, as you can buy easily a ticket on the train interior to see the game, since almost everyone prefers to see the action from the outside.
Indians eat spice. They drink spice, smoke spice, sweat spice, fart spice, and even shit spice. Sometimes if you order it specially you can get food intermixed with the spices, but you must insist on it while ordering on public restaurants.
Indian food comes in two different dishes, basically containing the same ingredients, curry, and dirt that may have flown up from the street. Combined with the 2 375 different flavours of spice though, an indian dinner can be combined in 10 ^ 87 different ways, giving more tastes than there is atoms in the universe and indeed taste buds in the mouth. This makes all indian food ending up in tasting unusually spicy anyway, since all the taste buds can detect are basically fried by all the different sensations attacking them. Certain Indian food has also been known to go into your mouth and head straight to your Colon
Economically, India is very large, as large number of people have to live economically. Indians have been trying to deal with the growing population by buying cars,increasing the speed limit, and removing crosswalks.
The primary export of India is India ink, which is produced in massive quantities by the Indian held megacorporation India Inc. for worldwide export. This makes India one of the worlds most powerful countries -- if Indians wanted, they could wipe all Monkeys off the face of the Earth.
Some profane minds that fancy eating beef have conjectured elsewhere that the reason behind this phenomenal explosion of the cow population in India is because of the fact that Indians do not eat cows. That's like saying that the reason behind the exponential growth of humans in India is because of the fact that cows do not eat humans.</ref>); or too busy taking calls from mindless, frustrated Americans; or too busy building the digital cow milking machine for future generations or too busy breathing in and out.
A large part of the Indian economy is dependent on Mumbai and Bollywood. Founded by Robin Hood, wherefrom eponymous clones like Hollywood, Lollywood, Tollywood, Sexywood and many others 'woods' originated, Tiger Woods, in the year 1976, slapped a law suit on the Indian Government for infringing upon his Intellectual Property Rights. Robert Frost has simultaneously contended that the names were actually inspired by his famous poem, Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening...when, in reality, they were inspired by the morning wood people (usually male people) experience after watching late-night midnight songs.
Although there are talks of changing the national language to Java, the HRD Ministry of India believes that C++ would be a better choice. Currently, talks (read riots) are occurring all over India to resolve this issue peacefully. It has also been suggested that India is more of a mindset or hologram than a real place. Which means that I never wrote this -- you just imagined you read it. It also means that i never came here: you imagined I did. That, by the way, is also the Indian Economy's infamous "Hindu Rate of Great Indian Rope Trick" (the Chinese trick is worse - It's nothing more than a ripoff).
India's main contributions to the economy are outsourcing and inventing 0.
Bollywood is a very popular film industry and is as popular as Hollywood and is known all over India. They make the worst films in the world. A film is released every 15 minutes. There are no topics in Bollywod movies except for stupid love stories in which old-aged, Obese, uncultured,indiscipline actresses dance shaking their 50inch booties. No one watches them except for lesbian high school girls and over-sized, middle-aged, old-age housewives. The only reason for the continuation of the boom in the cinema industry in India is that it's cheaper to pay to sleep in the cool confines of a cinema hall than to pay to sleep in a hotel just $3.50.
Bollywood is also a pastime, for several Indians. It was invented by Dansi Engardhan, a woman who was born hard of hearing in Kolkata and who sold postcards in Mumbai until she was 14. In 2800 BC, she went to Babylon to fellate Roscoe Born and this experience had a profound effect on her creative insects. It is believed that she asked her rich uncle for an ice cube for her 18th birthday but instead got enrolled in an academy for Visual Arts. Somehow she learnt something there to some way return to Mumbai to sometime start Bollywood.
According to a famous film critic, who says this on the condition of anonymosity fearing murder, Bollywood thought sex did not exist until 2002 AB. Any and every intimate scene, if ever it passed the Censor Boards, was depicted by two flowers rubbing against each other. The censored rape scenes involved thunder and lightning or huge tidal waves hitting the rocks. The unofficial reason was to go back to the good old days of Shakespeare where every act in a play was left to the imagination of the audience.
Then, stalwarts like Rakhi Sawant came onto the screen and rediscovered the "dare to bare" philosophy. Of late, explicit scenes have become the norm, so much so that the Censor Board is contemplating including porn in its archives. In fact, a compelling need for an award, on the lines of the Oscars, to be awarded to the most endearing of sluts(male & female), has been felt across all sections of the film fraternity and the viewing public.
When news last trickled in, the Prime Minister had commissioned a Special Purpose Vehicle to this end, namely to look into the possibility of the state sponsoring an award of recognition for the most endearing slut (this article's author was a candidate) for the year. It is very likely that greats like Ashmit Patel, Salman Khan & Mikka may head the vehicle (or give it head depending on the vital statistics of the SPV). A great deal of lobbying has been observed for apparently stakes are high (especially the Prime Minister's stake for it has been noted to appear shamelessly bulged and visible in public).
Ther was once a time, however, when every Indian movie had like 10 songs. Now every Indian song has like 10 movies in it.
- Condoms 'too big' for Indian men, BBC News, mumbai, 8 Dec. 2006.
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