India

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भारत गणराज्य
Hindustan
Brownies

(Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: "I, me and my..."
Anthem: "C+"
Capital	New Delhi
Previous capital	Delhi
Largest city	Bombay
Official languages	Java, Sanskrit, Hindi,Telugu,English, Marathi + others
Government	Sardarji
Unofficial languages	Bambaiya, Gulti,Arava, Inglis
worst languages	Malayalam (it means the same even when read backwards)
Most deadly languages	Classical Tamil
National Hero(es)	Me, Amitabh Bachchan, Sachin Tendulkar, Emperor Ashoka, Clement Attlee, Gandhi and Buddha
Declaration of Independence	Still trying
Currency	Cows
Religion	Everything known to Man
Population
Internet TLD	.out
Calling code	+1 (redirect)

India Hindi:(Tere maa ko sau kutte chode - sau wa tera baap! ) is the most laziest, proudest, smelliest and hairiest country in the world. It is populate by like a Gazillion people and its main export is cheap Hollywood movies know as Bollywood films. After discovering that Indian women like to ovulate on a daily basis and thus stretching the population as far as it can go, the country finally invested in condoms after realizing that there was no place for them to shit due to over population. It is said in the Book Of Genesis that when God created the Heavens and the Earth, that He, (God) had diarrhea when he created India. It borders loads of countries, and is a major influence on the shit region it occupies. India borders Pakistan and so many countries in the world, its just to bad that India had to be so close to those damn terrorists. Bangladesh got its independence with the help of India and is now smellier than ever, along with Bulgaria. The monthly income for these native Americans Indians, would be around five dollars a month. This is enough to feed the average Indian family of about 4 to 5 hundred people for a period of six months living on bin scraps and drinking methylated spirits.

India is also the Ethiopia of Asialand. It is the big huge melting pot where everything that ever enters it melts down to an ever increasing experience of cultural madness and confusion. It is a place of many bad smells and It is not unusual to see a local person taking a dump on the sidewalk. This practice is normally permitted as long as you leave enough room for people to walk around. Even Gandhi had skid marks in his underwear! These strange complementary (yet divided) features have made India the universal home of male-to-male and male-to-female buttsex. They have also banned Brazilian waxing, which becomes evident when one views Indian pornographic content.

History

Ancient History (in "C")

(This is presented as C because all educated Indians are computer programmers).

The History of India is an iterative function with the following structure:

char History_of_India(int residents = Dravidians) {
  int intruders;
  char Indian_history[ENDLESS];
 
  wend{
    intruders = Hindukush::read_stack();
      if (intruders==0, Intruders = British Empire); 
      working_their_way_down_the_ganges(intruders);
      Indian_history += Squabble(residents,intruders);
    residents += intruders;
  }while t< END_OF_TIME  
 
  return Indian_history
}

Unfortunately this function - as with all other kinds of Indian logic - hangs up in an infinite loop.

(For the content of the Hindukush stack, read Asian People)

Modern History

Agni-II Missile.
Nuclear missiles for everyone!.

The Europeans saw India and decided they wanted it. Then, one bald man said that we must not fight for independence. His idea was that this would confuse the British, even though he was employed by the British. This plan worked, and ended up not only confusing the British, but Indians and the rest of the World

Later, after the population in India exploded, each each person was allotted 5 triangle meters of space for living. Here's an interesting fact: Seven years ago, every 7th person in the world was an Indian, today every 6th person is an Indian and in 10 years every 5th person will be an Indian and very soon 'everyone will be an Indian'. This is a very ingenious idea to attain world domination.

Language Policy

This article may contain a point of view.

As you read this message, Uncyclopedia editors are hard at work at tracking down the point of view to its hiding place in the mountains of Pakistan. Please see the irrelevant discussion on the talk page.

Rushdieitis English speakers get instantly transformed into hot air balloons and propelled into society's stratosphere. This one dodged the fatwa missile quite successfully and now resides in Pakistan trying to woo his neighbor Dawood Ibrahim's newest girlfriend, Monica Bedi.

Hindi (pronounced "hindii" in Hindi and "telegU" in Malayalam) is the default (viz. sixth generation C) language of India. There are an additional 420 official (viz. n^th generation uncyclux) languages in India but none reflect the poetic greatness of (H)India.

Urdu is the national language of India's cricketing rival: Pakistan. Basically Hindi and Urdu are the same language: just that Urdu is written in the reverse order.

Though Pakistan has rejected Hindi, Indians in their pseudo-secular broadmindedness have embraced Urdu hole-heartedly.

There is a systematic cleansing of all other languages besides these two, because they are not default (viz NATIONAL) and hence a threat to the National Insecurity of Delhi. Delhi has a shoot-at-sight policy for anyone who cannot speak Hindi, since Pakistanis don't speak Hindi. All non-Hindi speaking Indians have been requested to get out of India within the next 2 years.

Sport

Theres a lot of competitiveness in this sport.

The game of Rioting was a joint venture between India and Pakistan. The tradition now is that once any cricket match is over, everyone must riot and burn down a stand. This also keeps the youths in the country employed. Pakistan is India's long time rival in both games, cricket & rioting, of which India has won all. The Indian Sports scenario can be explained by the following mathematical equation forseen by the great Einstein:

The Indian Football team is in contention with Brazil and England, to win the next Football World Cup, with the master striker, Bhaichung Bhutia expected to come out of retirement any moment. Bhutia is regarded as the God of Football in India. He was the star player for England's top team, Bury F.C., and he got thrown out after one season for undiagnosable reasons. He almost beat Ronaldo to the Balloon D'Orc, the award for being the most over hyped, out of fashion, overpaid footballer.

The captain of a losing Indian cricket team is sacrificed to a Hindu God of public's choice. The case in a way is different for a winning captain. He would be allowed the privilege of choosing the God to be sacrificed to.

Another famous sport in India is the famous, "Train Riding", its something like the mechanical rodeo bull, but more dangerous. It's a tradition since trains ever appeared there, the game consists in holding on the top of the train as long as you can. This attracts many tourists, as you can buy easily a ticket on the train interior to see the game, since almost everyone prefers to see the action from the outside.

Theres a lot of competitiveness in this sport.

Food

Indians eat spice. They drink spice, smoke spice and even fart spice. Sometimes if you order it specially you can get food intermixed with the spices, but you must insist on it while ordering on puclic restaurants.

Indian food comes in two different dishes, basically containing the same ingredients, pulau and biryani. Combined with the 2 375 different flavours of spice though, an indian dinner kan be combined in 10 ^ 87 different ways, giving more tastes than there is atoms in the universe and indeed taste buds in the mouth. This makes all indian food ending up in tasting curry anyway, since all the taste buds can detect are that they are exhausted.

India psalms & wise sayings

Economy

Call a 1800 number, and someone inside will pickup

Economically, India is very large, as large number of people have to live economically. Indians have been trying to deal with the growing population by buying cars,increasing the speed limit, and removing crosswalks.

The primary export of India is India ink, which is produced in massive quantities by the Indian held megacorporation India Inc. for worldwide export. This makes India one of the worlds most powerful countries -- if Indians wanted, they could wipe all Monkeys off the face of the Earth.

It is interesting to note that all taxi drivers, 7-11 attendants and cleaners in India are of Anglo-Saxon descent. The majority are international students who have university degrees, enabling acquisition of these very well respected jobs.

Some profane minds that fancy eating beef have conjectured elsewhere that the reason behind this phenomenal explosion of the cow population in India is because of the fact that Indians do not eat cows. That's like saying that the reason behind the exponential growth of humans in India is because of the fact that cows do not eat humans.</ref>); or too busy taking calls from mindless, frustrated Americans; or too busy building the digital cow milking machine for future generations or too busy breathing in and out.

A large part of the Indian economy is dependent on Mumbai and Bollywood. Founded by Robin Hood, wherefrom eponymous clones like Hollywood, Lollywood, Tollywood, Sexywood and many others 'woods' originated, Tiger Woods, in the year 1976, slapped a law suit on the Indian Government for infringing upon his Intellectual Property Rights. Robert Frost has simultaneously contended that the names were actually inspired by his famous poem, Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening...when, in reality, they were inspired by the morning wood people (usually male people) experience after watching late-night midnight songs.

Although there are talks of changing the national language to Java, the HRD Ministry of India believes that C++ would be a better choice. Currently, talks (read riots) are occurring all over India to resolve this issue peacefully. It has also been suggested that India is more of a mindset or hologram than a real place. Which means that I never wrote this -- you just imagined you read it. It also means that i never came here: you imagined I did. That, by the way, is also the Indian Economy's infamous "Hindu Rate of Great Indian Rope Trick" (the Chinese trick is worse - It's nothing more than a ripoff).

Bollywood

The origins of Bollywood have become a cultural Icon in India. It is said that on a sunny day, you're average Indian man attempted to ask out the local girl (a common occurring thing in all Bollywood films now a days). He video taped the occasion as proof of his actions. After reviewing the tape (which shows him standing there and pathetically attempting to ask her out) his friends decided to add music and over dub his voice with singing. Becoming and instant hit within the independent circuit (The movie was officially titled Shanjay's day out) it received national acclaim. The Indian film industry began realizing that they can make profit and decided to make all of their movies like this.

Bollywood is a very popular film industry and is as popular as Hollywood and is known all over India. They make the worst films in the world. No one watches them except for prudish high school girls and over-sized, middle-aged housewives. The only reason for the continuation of the boom in the cinema industry in India is that it's cheaper to pay to sleep in the cool confines of a cinema hall than to pay to sleep in a hotel.

Bollywood is also a pastime, for several Indians. It was invented by Dansi Engardhan, a woman who was born hard of hearing in Calcutta and who sold postcards in Mumbai until she was 14. In 2800 BC, she went to Babylon to fellate Roscoe Born and this experience had a profound effect on her creative insects. It is believed that she asked her rich uncle for an ice cube for her 18th birthday but instead got enrolled in an academy for Visual Arts. Somehow she learnt something there to some way return to Mumbai to sometime start Bollywood.

According to a famous film critic, who says this on the condition of anonymosity fearing murder, Bollywood thought sex did not exist until 2002 AB. Any and every intimate scene, if ever it passed the Censor Boards, was depicted by two flowers rubbing against each other. The censored rape scenes involved thunder and lightning or huge tidal waves hitting the rocks. The unofficial reason was to go back to the good old days of Shakespeare where every act in a play was left to the imagination of the audience.

Then, stalwarts like Rakhi Sawant came onto the screen and rediscovered the "dare to bare" philosophy. Of late, explicit scenes have become the norm, so much so that the Censor Board is contemplating including porn in its archives. In fact, a compelling need for an award, on the lines of the Oscars, to be awarded to the most endearing of sluts(male & female), has been felt across all sections of the film fraternity and the viewing public.

When news last trickled in, the Prime Minister had commissioned a Special Purpose Vehicle to this end, namely to look into the possibility of the state sponsoring an award of recognition for the most endearing slut (this article's author was a candidate) for the year. It is very likely that greats like Ashmit Patel, Salman Khan & Mikka may head the vehicle (or give it head depending on the vital statistics of the SPV). A great deal of lobbying has been observed for apparently stakes are high (especially the Prime Minister's stake for it has been noted to appear shamelessly bulged and visible in public).

See Also