Incest

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How else are they going to find it?

“The lowest point of humanity....after my mother”
~ Oscar wilde

“Goodness gracious great balls of fire!”
~ Jerry Lee Lewis on incest

Incest is the practice of sex between immediate family members, both for procreation and for fun. In layman's terms, it's like when you go to kiss your mom goodbye and she slips you the tongue, which is kinda gross at first but then it gets hotter and hotter until finally you stick it in her and impregnate her. The practice is a black or white issue, either one seems to be for it, or one seems to be against it. However in a recent Zionist Times Poll, most Americans believe that Incest is a ritualistic part of the Christian faith, and therefore are for it. Christains invented incest so people would not have to look hard for a lover but satan messed this up to torment poor lonley girls.

[edit] Purpose

The purpose of Incest is to please everyone, mostly your mom and to annoy Satan who is against family values. It pleases those who practice incest, as well as those who frequently say the word, "incest." The practice is considered Holy in the Bible as much as it is in the south. For example in Virginia it wouldMom + Dad = incest. In the Bible God + Jesus also = incest. It was universal after God destroyed the Earth with a flood as described in the Biblical book of Genesis, translated as "God takes a huge piss" Noah, his wife and kids were the only people left on Earth.Thus all their descendents are the product of a big incest, reproducing to populate the Earth. No matter what anyone tells you, you are the product of an incest gang bang and should be proud of it. I know God is.

[edit] Everyone out of the gene pool

Two good chirstan sisters practicing traditional Christian family values

The science rationale against incest is that inbreeding between close family members tends to produce mutant but bland, uninteresting people. The practice also is known for producing other undesirable defects such as Testicals on the chin and penis on the forehead. There is also deep and thoughtful vocal opposition from most non christian people who state their opinion on the matter byvomiting.

The true christians who know that there is nothing wrong with it claim that it strengthens genetic trends in the nuclear family, and reinforces awesome evolutionary modifications within the gene pool, like the ability to shoot web, rip a Chinese phone book in half with your teeth, climb walls and all that cool shit. Those who practice incest will also live longer, see a sharp increase IQ scores in children and most likley go to heaven. God once said "thou shall love their mother, father, sister brother and goat with thou genitals." Some believe God might have meant that in a spiritual way, but thats just crazy talk.

[edit] She's her father's daughter

George Carlin, noted social commenter writes:

A four year old girl walks into the bathroom while her father is taking a shower, pulls back the shower curtain and asks: "When will I get something like that between my legs?"

"About 15 minutes after Mommy leaves for work." answers her father.

[edit] My Grandmother's Tongue

That Uncle Lobstah is quite the catch. And he's a favorite with the kiddies, too!

While civilized society may find the prospect of incest to be but a dream unfulfilled, the practice does have its benefits. Fathers need not worry about who their daughters will marry, because everyone in the family knows what kind of background and rap sheet Grandpappy has. This has the extra added benefit of saving the cost of hiring private detectives as well, because in an incest family, everyone gets to watch the goings-on in the pubic patch.

At the same time, familiarity (from the word familiar, itself from the root word family) breeds contempt. So, periodically, extracurricular breeding with nearby colonies is recognized as a means of enlarging the family circle.

And who knows, maybe the clan down the road will have a lobster-tailed woman who would be the perfect complement to that lobster-clawed Uncle of yours. With incest, no one is ever desperate and dateless.

[edit] You're a better lay than Mom

You know, that's what Daddy said this morning.

[edit] My Heart Really Belongs to Daddy

At the United Nations, Vice President Dick Cheney spoke on behalf of the World Human Incest Movement (WHIM), although the speech was naturally in code, so as to protect his burgeoning career as America's Tastemaker. Cheney came out in favor of the practice by declaring that "America's families are under attack as they have never been before. We must do whatever we must to protect our children against the growing threats poised by our ever-changing world." UN translators translate this sentence as: "Breed'em if you've got 'em. No muff too tough. Ugly daughters got pussies too." The speech brought standing applause from the Bulgarian delegation; coincidentally, Bulgaria hosted the Incest Games of 2008, covered exclusively by Fox Sports.

[edit] Game

The Game of Incest has been bringing families together since '62.

With the growing popularity of incest, Milton Bradley made it into what is now the world's most popular family game, the Game of Incest! The Game of Incest is played with a large plastic floorboard with differently-colored dots. Players take it in turns. One member of the family spins a "bottle" determining which members of the family will climb over, mount, and embarrass themselves.

Improves relationship between family members! -- Focus on the Family author James Dobson
Fun for all the family! --The King Family
A family that sleeps together, keeps together! --The Waltons
Finally something the whole family can play!!! --The Jacksons
Why go across the street when you can go across the hall? --The Brady Bunch

[edit] Famous Incest Practitioners

God, my mother is so hot! ~ Ann Coulter

Queen Victoria's children
Greg and Marsha Brady
Donny and Marie Osmond
Commodore Vanderbilt and the Delta Queen
Sybil
Barron Ottenbrite
Buffy and Jody
Fred Phelps and his wife/daughters
Sam and Dean

[edit] See Also

C R I M E S

Arson · Assassination · Baby farming · Baby-snatching · Battery · Bestiality · Blarging · Burglary · Cannibalism · Cat Juggling · Child abuse · Child porn · Clown rape · Conspiracy · Copyright infringement · Cow arson · Cow tipping · Cyber Terrorism · Deicide · Dog Fighting · Drunk driving · Extreme Sarcasm · Gambling · Genocide · Grand Theft Auto · Hacking into a Computer · Hatespeech · Heresy · Home Invasion · Homosexuality · HowTo:Become A Rapist - Human sacrifice · Illegal Immigration · Incest · Kleptomania · Littering · Looting · Lynching · Masturbation · Murder · Pedophilia · Piracy · Pornography · Rape · Rock and Roll · Rioting · Robbery · Shoplifting · Smoking · Sodomy · Stalking · Stealing · Suicide · Suspicious Eyeball Movements · Terrorism · Tittyfuck rape · Trafficking · Treason · Vandalism · Video Piracy · Weed · Witchcraft
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